Checking in with 129 days sober. I’ll stay sober today too.
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I am (and will be) your friend whatever you do dear Sophia. You follow your own road and give shape to your own life and you do that with excellence and expertise. I admire your for who you are. I recognize very well the need for freedom.
Speaking for myself, I need the connection to my peers and I find it here. I need to remind myself what I don’t want to go back to. And I do think we all need that. I do seem to remember that previous times you left the forum you relapsed when you were away. So that worries me a little bit. Still and of course, it’s your life. You do you. Love you friend. 
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Welcome to Talking Sober Brandon! Here’s hoping this place can be as helpful to you as it has beent ome over the last years. I quit cannabis (and nicotine) nine years ago after 35 years of daily smoking. What helped me was a place like this, or better said the people there, the brotherhood, my peers to support me and to share with, what helped me was the knowledge I gained on cannabis and on addiction, and what helped me was a change of mindset in how I saw cannabis ( as just another addiction that did me no good).
Only thing was nine years ago I didn’t had thought out that alcohol was just as bad for me (or even worse). That too me another four years of ever increasing alcohol intake. Finding this place and being here daily is what helped me be sober and clean for over five years now. Welcome again Brandon, hope to see more of you and wishing you all success friend.
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Day 913
Morning TS fam! Im feeling slightly better today 
Got a few things done that ive been procrastinating on, so that makes me feel really good! First off, remember how I mentioned that one my sons appts got cancelled very last minute (with it being like 3rd or 4th cancellation at that point)? Well i found someone else for my son that he can see. We have an appt for Aug 26 so thats great!! Im glad that got sorted out quickly. I got up and went out to grab some breakfast for myself. Went to the dollarstore and now got home. Not much planned for the day. Going to build some lego after lunch with my son and do some cleaning. Have to make a couple phone calls as well but other than that, theres not much else to do. Have a great day everyone! I know i will 
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Usually when I read something like this it feels like it’s the addiction voice trying to separate you from your sobriety support program. Sometimes working in your sobriety is an obligation. And failing to meet that obligation often results in a relapse. I believe you have left the forum for a while before. I don’t believe it worked that well.
All just food for thought of course.
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Checking in on day
462 no alcohol
393 no ciggs or vapes 102 no forom of nicotine
62 no form of marijuanna
@Englishd
@Just_Laura
@JazzyS
Thank you all so much for your imput. 
For peace of mind i would never stop my neds cold turkey and/or do it without a doctors guidence
Maybe marijuanna brought it out
Maybe it caused it
Maybe i exaggerated till i got meds and went off the loopy coster
I was sick
I believe i need the meds
Awhile ago.i posted about being guided off meds with my doctor and durjng that time it would take 1 month to be off a med a have. I ended up back on my regular dose a week or two after that post because i had no energy or i was very unmotivated. If i kept goingveho knows, maybe i would have fell into depression. I dont know
I feel fine and i dont see the putpose in fixing whats not broke
Laura you post helped me see from another perspective. How my younger sister saw me.
The nightmares schizophrenia brought my head is real. I was ready bad. At my worst i went to 15phywards in 3 years. I pulled myself out of a terrible battle with paranoia
For skme reason i thought the meds they perscribed me and the phycwards cased my symptoms. I thought the meds were making me crazy and the phycwards scared the sht outta me and the weed got me angry
I attempted to hurt myself on christmas night 2009 by med overdose. Terrible stuff. I thought alians were after me
Well years later, still no alians. And i learned the things i cant control to let god worry about. Gods power or my higher power is great and only god can or my higher power can make it work.
Lifes ok when you relise your not in control. I guess a blessing and curse but me, i clean toilets gor a living and im cool with that
Something this topic makes me relise is how much the thought of weed had betraied me. Ive been arrested, got in fights, betraied snd stole sll for pot. Even lost my mind at one point
I did talk to my doctor about how i thought my syptoms were pot induced. She said marijuana use can cause schizophrenia. Justvthe one thing that im missing in this search for myself is the phycicsl proof of schizophrenia. People with diabities have symptoms when they eat sugar, they get highblood sugar. What do schizophrenics have thats is medically and physically shown. I just dont know
All i know is my meds make me feel better and ill roll with that
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Day 37 AF/WF. Today has been a great day. I took two walks because it’s been so warm and sunny. Afterwards I watched movies and just been chilling out. My mood is stable and I’m feeling really okay. Now it’s time for my daily meditation, yay! Have a great day/evening/night ya’ll!
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@JazzyS how your eye is doing? What means IRL? Sorry for my ignorance.
I am struggling because I am kind of planning in my head how to fall again. I hate this way of thinking!!!
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Garden done and I’m ready for sleep . Sweet dreams
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.Day 1779.
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Just checking in. Today was an emotionally tough day, and it is made more challenging due to the meetings with CPS and court appearances that pull our attention. Im trying to breath. I get very frustrated by people saying we are asking too much. I love my nephew so much and while i generally keep my spirits up, with faith and hope today I am devastatingly sad. And today I can be sad and angry, and tomorrow is a new day.
Thank my HP and the stars everyday that I am sober. It is a far better way to go through things. Xo.
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Praying for the best in your situation. Your nephew is very lucky to have you. I had a strong aunt that was there for me during some hard times in life. I’ve never forgotten any of it.
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Day 913
Just wanted to check in this evening. Today was okay. Another clean and sober day Really feeling the need for self care tonight tho, so that is the first thing I’ll be doing when my son goes to bed. Im not feeling as overwhelmed right now bcuz im actually pushing myself to take care of things that ive been procrastinating on. I can tell that Im very slowly pullong out of this funk Ive been in. Wish it was a bit faster but ill take it. Hope u all have a great night
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Hey friend…22 days and staying strong 
IRL - in real life. No apologies for not knowing…so many abbreviations are beyond me these days…it’s always good to ask 
I am sorry that you are struggling. Planning to fail is the addict trying to weasel it’s way back in. You need to talk yourself out of this mindset - play the tape forward and see what a relapse will do. How a relapse will make you feel and how hard it will be to get back to this point.
Remind yourself that nothing you seek comes from relapsing. You are suffering now but this will be over soon and you will be stronger and happier but if you relapse - then the suffering will never end. It’s a nasty cycle.
These are the thoughts I try to play in my mind. Holding on to the feeling of the last bad relapse and making sure I never feel that again.
Sending you love and strength my friend…keep pushing forward and showing up for yourself 
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Big hugs my dear friend. I am so very sorry for the emotionally charged day. It really can’t be easy dealing with all of this.
Your nephew is loved and I’m sure he knows / feels this. Grateful that you are there in his corner.
Hoping that people stop being asses and you don’t get further resistance. Sending love and hugs 
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546
Today was amazing! @acromouse you’ll enjoy this one 
(I think your good vibes worked 
) I didn’t end up doing the one thing I planned to do, laundry (which means I have to do it before work tomorrow 
), but I did so much more than I ever could’ve hoped! I woke up early, but fell back asleep on the couch for 1 1/2 hours until my daughter woke up. After breakfast she usually plays with her friend until lunch, and instead of lounging around, I put on some music and started sorting thru my old mail pile. I’m glad I did bc I found a letter from the state saying there was $120 in foodstamps applied to my daughter’s card for the summer(something to do with the schools), and it would only be there for 120 days. It was from June, so half the time was already up! A nice surprise 
(but geez! I really need to open my mail 
)
Back when I got my daughter’s desk, I got a few small tables, among other things, that were piled together in front of my living room closet since that day. It’s felt too overwhelming to tackle, but I finally pushed myself and got it all cleaned and organized in 2 hours. Why stop there?! I washed the dishes in 3 separate bursts, instead of all at once(standing still for so long is one reason I hate them). In between, I did the kitchen floor, changed the sheets, vacuumed everything, freshened the bathroom, and hung up the new shower curtain I bought 2 weeks ago(old one’s been scummy 
). Plus some other overlooked tasks. I was about to fold the old basket of clean laundry, but realized it was 10pm and decided I’d done enough (convenient, I know). It doesn’t matter. My space is cleaner and sooo much less cluttered.
It was also a beautiful day that I didn’t want to miss, so in the middle of all this, we hit up the new splash pad we discovered last week. Grateful to spend a couple hours of fun in the sun to break up the day. It was one of the best days I’ve had in a while and I’m ending it feeling content 
(even with a stiff neck from cleaning) Wishing you all a wonderful day as well
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Day 418.busy day yesterday. Went to a gallery, lots of shops, saw wolverine and deadpool at Selfridges and then had a meal on the way back
Went to a fabulous modern art collection. Really fun and uplifting…
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*Day 2155 
The funeral of my uncle yesterday was sad ofcourse but it was good to see my aunts and cousins. My eldest cousin didn’t recognize me anymore, we haven’t seen eachother for 15 years. It was sad though to hear he has blatter cancer because of smoking cigarettes since his childhood. He has chemo now and still can’t quit 
Today? Having the day off and going to visit a museum in another town by train with a friend.
Looking forward to it! Some art and catching up, nice combo!
Have a good day ore night and let’s do so sober
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