hi friends, i feel moved to check in with yall :] it’s 3am and i’m strugglin with my mind. it’s been corrupted and used to ruminating on dark or disturbing or (insert favorite negative word here) for over a decade, and i’m only now making a genuine effort to rewire my obsessive and addictive brain. i’m scared my friends, but i know i got yall, and i’m hopin i’ll be able to be there for you in return <3 best wishes!!! yall got this!!!
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Well yesterday was a day i guess make it through it. Idk really what to sayj im happy to be back to work even thou back is hurting some .i feel so stupid paying for a truck that not in my name but feel it the right think to do right now but on the other hand. Im having the hardest time of my life i feel. Trying to shutting down my feelings with my ex i haven’t experienced the sadness and hurt or pain i feel with anyone else. I feel asleep last night crying then turn around like a hr ago and start crying again i tx her last night just hoping to talk with her she eent out with friends ok i get that . But then she says you just be drunk .idk wasnt drinking just up ser missing who i thought was my best friend i think alot about how much more all this stuff im going though I hurt really bad inside i know it mentally but go way aready i know i have to be on my toss right now because my demons are knocking at my door
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Congratulations to you. 
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Hi Jesse, Indeed you do have us. We will be here to listen and hold space for anything you wanna drop. Be kind to yourself
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Day 202
Sunday night check-in.
Had a wonderful weekend and especially great Fathers Day today.
Looking forward to another awesome sober week ahead.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1540. I hope everybody has a good one!
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215 days AF
Checking in sober, happy and hopeful.
Wish me luck for starting the new job
tomorrow. 
Love you guys
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Hey guys 
Here are some positive self-affirmations to be mindful of…
I am strong.
I am capable.
I am worthy.
I am motivated.
I am committed.
I am confident.
I am courageous.
I am determined.
I am focussed.
I am adaptable.
I am open-minded.
I am initiative-taking.
I am grateful.
I am resilient.
I am mindful.
I am wise.
I am intelligent.
I am conscious.
I am honest.
I am authentic.
I am independent.
I am healthy.
I am alive.
I am aspiring.
I am bright.
I possess huge potential in this existence/life/consciousness, more than I could ever imagine, nevermind give myself credit for, and I intend to challenge my comfort zone odaat to realize it… 
Have a good night guys (or day) and stay sober and mindful. Remember what you’re here for… 
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Another day
Just checking in
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150 days sober
I hosted Sunday group this morning and was in charge of facilitating then arranging tea afterwards. It was a really nice time together and also encouraging. During tea one of the ladies shared about how she is also struggling with alcohol addiction but has never told before. Everyone reacted very supportive how they did with me and we talked some after. It was good to see and hear.
After I had a funny visit from the lady who stole from the orphanage. She came with a lady from social services with a sheep lookingvery depressed. Said she sold the school uniforms and bought this sheep. So she gave me the sheep to buy back the uniforms. Unfortunately school starts tomorrow already and I didn’t have the money yet to purchase new ones. So I’ll need to do this tomorrow (and write the kids name on each tag so she can’t sell them again) but I’m worried about the kids being beaten by the teachers tomorrow for showing up in old or too small uniforms and not being ‘prepared’. So I plan to go to the school tomorrow to tell the situation and hope this helps…so I’m glad that the lady admitted her wrong doing and I got the sheep to buy new uniforms back but I’m very disappointed at the timing. Also knowing she will keep doing her crimes there.
After this I stayed close to home and mostly relaxed. Enjoying the last of the sunny warm weather. Hope everyone is having a good sober day!
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Good luck my dear, you will be amazing 
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Checking on 13.5 months AF.
Day 2 no junk food.
Hey, Jasmine,@jazzy! Thanks for the shout out! Hope you’re feeling bette today!
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I’m sorry about your bad PTSD night. I understand how this goes and it really really sucks. Hoping you will end up having a good and relaxing day. Then that tonight you’ll be surprised by a restful and dreamless sleep.
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Checking in with sober and glad for it and my mental health.
Ride with a Buddy today and with any luck I’ll have a picnic on the trails together with him. 
Ride the craves : )
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Thank you Laner. I wish that neither of us had any knowledge of this, but since we do, we can hold each other up when it gets rough. 
I usually drink a few hot coffees to help with the cold sweats, breathe deep and try to be calm. The night seems so much darker and everything feels terrifying and surreal. I learned that it will subside in a few hours. It is getting better and the sun is out. More coffee and a hot bath. The rest of the day looks brighter. 
it’s Sunday after all! Good day to read and cook for the week.
Thank you for reaching out. Always do the same if you need support. Have a great day.
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I also wish none of us had knowledge about this but you’re right we can be there for each other and give support.
I put a thermos of hot tea by my bed every night in case I wake up with the cold sweats. And have calming music ready to be played if I wake up in a panic. What helps the best is if I wake up this way my dog comes and lays in my lap. You’re right though the sun certainly makes it better. And I can see for myself that little by lilttle nights get easier. It’s not a daily thing anymore.
Enjoy your coffee and cooking. That sounds wonderful.
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@Laner you are an amazing human being! Im glad u stuck up for what is right. Those kids are very lucky to have u in their lives. I hope the teacher is understanding tmrw and doesnt give u or the students grief.
@1in8billion love the affirmation list! Thanks for sharing 
@Juli1 good luck tmrw on ur 1st day! I may have missed it, but what sort of job will u be doing?
@teefgub u absolutely do got us Jesse! Im glad ur checking in
@Seizetheday congratulations Hannah on 8 months!!! Great work!
@Lighter Im sorry to hear about ur PTSD episode my friend. Those episodes are such an awful experience. Hope ur day tho is restful, calm, and peaceful
@CATMANCAM good luck today at the gym/swimming. I really applaud u for stepping outside ur comfort zone and facing fears. Thats not an easy task to do. Hope ur day goes well today my friend
@sabrina80 congratulations on passing 700 whole days! Fantastic work!!
@danam56 thanks Dana. I dont think i am ill, at least i hope not lol so glad to read that ur weekend is going well! Happy birthday to ur son also! So glad u got to spend time with everyone. A beautiful gift of recovery 
@tyland im so sorry to hear that ur hurting 
sounds like u had a very rough night. Hoping that ur day is better today.
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Day 931
Morning everyone 
Hope u all are doing well! Im feeling a little tired today. Nothing coffee wont fix lol I had a super deep sleep last night, woke up groggy and got ready for work. Im here now, wishing i was home. I still have to do my recovery related tasks this morning… prayer, gratitude list etc. Not much else to mentiom as of right now. Have a great Sunday!!! 
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@Butterflymoonwoman thank you friend I’m safe, all will be well once all the adrenaline is gone. Almost there.
@Laner good thing to remember. I’ve come so far and this rarely happens anymore. I get scared when I’m in it but I’m steadily recovering from it. I will keep things near the bed that I need. 
I came to the boards but couldn’t communicate. Reading posts slowly helped me calm down. Coffee actually calms me during a bad night. Maybe it’s the warmth. I managed a nap and woke to the All clean now and will treat Sunday like a Sunday. I think I’m getting too wound up about returning to work and life and need to take it slower. It’s a new month and season. Soup season! Thank you again my friend! I’m glad your dogs help you. Kitty is manipulative and wants to cuddle for food 
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This is amazing! Well done!
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