Yes cleaning is a good workout 
. Should do it more often 
Hope your day will get better as it goes friend. And strange, how come the USA doesnāt celebrate labour day on May 1st 
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Iām here, Iām alive, Iām sober and Iām happy.
Day 188.
Started to write a little yesterday, I have a plan on handing something in to a publisher in the end of September. And if they donāt want to publish anything Iāll do it myself.
Husband had a doctorās appointment yesterday,they still donāt know what to do. Now they wanted to give him antibiotics to see it itās some kind of infection that causes the pain. The authorities wants to get him on permanent sick leave. The doctor thinks he can get back to work on October. Weāre giving him two more weeks to maybe solve this problem and after that weāre changing into a private clinic, where we hopefully gets more help.
Kids are back in school, I already longing for the next break.
Daughter is back from Poland,she has spent the night here, and today will be spend going on various meetings with her to try and sort things out. She isnāt getting any welfare money this month because she hasnāt done half of everything she should have done. And isnāt getting enough help. So weāre trying to sort that out. We payed her rent and she will be eating here most of the time as well.
Weāve made sure the new papers from the psychiatric hospital has made their way to the social service. And weāve helped her to get an internship within the city (you can get one if youāve got special needs)
Problem is that we might need to wake her up every morning to make sure she actually goes to āworkā I have my doubts,but the social service and psychiatric hospital says she needs to do something and try to get a routine.
More meetings to sort everything out this week.
Me and my husband also have a meeting with city hall later today, weāre trying to get a permission for our trunk or treat.
Thatās all Folks 
Wishing yāall a wonderful day.
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Day 242 AF
Feel good. All ok. Off to work at 5:30am.
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Day 2356 af. 7 months caffeine free.
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I actually did not know it but Wikipedia shed some light on this for me 
āConservative Democratic President Grover Cleveland was one of those concerned that a labor holiday on May 1 would tend to become a commemoration of the Haymarket affair and would strengthen socialist and anarchist movements that backed the May 1 commemoration around the globe.ā
So you see whose fault that is 
On another note my polish friends and family get to have three free days at the beginning of may, due to three consecutive public holidays packed together. Thatās what I call efficient 
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@RosaCanDo sorry for your rough week last week 
but Iām glad that the weekend sounds to have made up for it 
@Laner I love how you handle things, glad the children will have new uniforms again good luck with the sheep delivery!
@LifeWarrior135 welcome to the checking-in thread congrats on 4 days 
@JazzyS thank you š©µ I hope you mamaged to rest and that the damn allergies settled
@Jesile omg they are just adoreable 
good luck with your inbox 
@Bluekoolaid congrats on your own apartment
@Button83 hope it goes/went well
@AZeke welcome to the checking-in thread congrats on 30 days
@SoberWalker love the photo 
sorry your foot pain is continuing, I do hope the physio can help
@Alicat22 congrats on 2 weeks
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@Tragicfarinelli I canāt help but think like that about what would have been my 4 years clean from cocaine on the 11th of this month, but just grateful I lived through my relapse and have more than double the amount of sober days now than before, and it will come that you will too enjoy your workouts! 
@MrMoustache sorry about the panic attacks
@Zse congrats on 9 months
@Alycia congrats on all the 8s
@acromouse congrats on 150 days no UPFs sorry about the hormones
@MrsOdh enjoy your writing 
and good luck with the meetings 
@Thirdmonkey congrats on 7 months no caffeine
1484 days no alcohol.
949 days no cocaine.
464 days no vape.
8 days no binge-eating.
Therapy was okay. It felt like we were making small talk the whole time though and I felt like she was talking down to me a lot and being patronising, and she makes this annoying āMmmā noise all the time. When I try to talk about deeper stuff she doesnāt give much of a response, I donāt feel safe then to explore it.
The āfat burning wristbandsā I ordered arrived, they came with a micro USB charging cable but there are no ports on the device, Iāve definitely been conned. I also found the identical items I bought, two for a total of Ā£8.24 on Amazon, whereas the ācompanyā I ordered from took Ā£52.44 from my account, despite the order total being Ā£39.96. Theyāve ignored all my emails so I just need to forget about it and try not to get sucked in to anything again. Another reason why I rarely go on facebook. 
Today it is dull and rainy. I wonāt make any committments because it seems to never go to plan. First though, reading the final chapter of the book Iāve been reading.
š©µ
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276 days
Quick check in before bed.
Work tomorrow day shift
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Day 293 weekend with my girls was very good. Played just dance and went for little walk, went to the halloween store and had a good time. Sang happy birthday to addie and had a small cake. I miss my girls so much, yet sometikes i get still very easily frustated. Supposedly there were some gun shots last night so some streets were blocked off which was the first i have heard of in plattsburgh. Idk tomorrow off will be nice, much love everyone
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Congrats on 9 months
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Hey all, checking in on day 1542. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Congrats to my priyatelka, @Zse on 9 months of hard fought sobriety. Iām very proud of you 
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Blagodariya priyatel
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1484
A bit of an icky thing at work. I had to fail a student, who didnāt complete all the work to pass, but she says her friend, who is in another class, was told she didnāt have to do the work to pass, and will complain it is unfair to the administration. I have got in touch with my boss to get my side in first, but I had to say which teacher my studentās friend has, so I feel like I am being a tattletale. Of course, if that teacher is following the syllabus there is no problem, and when that student was complaining to me directly (before going to admin) I emailed him directly, and he said he is following the syllabus, but he doesnāt seem to like me anyway, so he may like me even less after this.
I feel like I am having a lot of challenges recently about being stronger about my people pleasing, which is probably good for me, but very uncomfortable. This is on top of my recent challenges about dealing with my mistakes. Maybe this is spiritual progress but it is hard.
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This is my issue with therapy so far. And I validate that this is my personal thoughts towards specific, UK based, talking therapy. Itās a quick fix, solution based, therapy that wants results and incremental improvements. I donāt know if you fill out an evaluation before each session for kind of measurable touch ins? It feels helpful but also not helpful. I zoned out several times across my sessions, felt like I was taking space I didnāt deserve, feeling bad for not feeling good.
Iām now of the mind that I need to heal every part of me, not just change my headspace. Changing my perspective can sometimes be temporary and not enough. Somatic and psychological healing, hand in hand, is my goal. Iām trying everything I possibly can to find my people and my voice and my vibe. Maybe you need to branch out onto other resources?
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431
I dont know. This tiredness is making me hypochondriac. Is it really fluoxetine withdrawal? Or maybe pills were making me feel strong and now Iām just ānormalā?
Maybe I have some serious disease that is activating now? Some type of cancer? My mother before diagnoses with leukemia had all kind of symptoms that everybody, especially her, ignore. Cause they were normal at her age/flu season etc.
I was feeling better day or two but now Iām back to square one. Itās so annoying. I understand I need a rest cause Iām all the time in a rush but Iām always in a rush and this fatigue is something new.
Am I just getting old?
I donāt want to be so weak all the time.
It must be fluoxetine.
Anybody have experience with this subject?
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Man life is so precious. I got to work around 6 and did my check in here. I heard of gunshots but nothing more really, i looked at my schedule at 7 and saw it said special assignment and was told i was heading to emergency care center to clean up from the victim. Idk if seen messy situations before, but idk never a gun shot or anything. As i walked in and just assessed the scene i was filled with alot of emotions, it was a 31 year old man and his life was taken around 3 in the morning. I suited up and started cleaning and i just couldnt help but think about what happened, why did somebody shoot someone, and im here cleaning the last bit of this 31 year old, he may of been someones dad, was a mothers precious son. The suspect was apprehended and i wonder what was seriously going through his mind that he pulled that trigger. I dont mean to double post, i didnt think cleaning up and seeing all that would affect me as much as it did. I can only feel for those nurses who tried saving that mans life and unfortunately did not succeed. Hold everything you have tight.
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Day 186
Good morning. Didnāt get to sleep until 3:30a, but I did get a few hours in so Iām glad.
Bit of networking today. These lunch things used to bother me. Iām a different person now. Now I want to meet as many people as I can. Theyāre just people. Alcohol and isolation made it scary. So happy thatās over now. What a relief! Itās the way to start a business. Itās not fully baked yet so I wonāt announce anything, just make contacts. And if I hear of an opportunity today Iāll speak up. There is more work around here than I can do, so Iām setting some basics this week.
Itās funny, I see myself working again and I suddenly panic: āWait!!! I want to travel more and do freedom things.ā So yep, another trip or so, and find a way to block out time for travel. I can still see Santa Feās buildings and art in my mind. It brought me back to life. I did it sober, and want more. I used to go to boozy work conferences which always left me tired and sad that I missed the place. And boozy personal trips. Itās empty.
Iām going to work on some base rates and such this morning so I donāt rip myself off 
. People pleasing.
Enjoy your sober days 
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That is a very shocking and emotional thing to have to deal with. You had to physically deal with it, so of course it would bring up thoughts and emotions. Post as much as you need.
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Mike, Iām so sorry Iām glad you are sharing your pain with us. That is so terrible. Post as many times as you need to, we are here.
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