Blagodariya priyatel 
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1484
A bit of an icky thing at work. I had to fail a student, who didnāt complete all the work to pass, but she says her friend, who is in another class, was told she didnāt have to do the work to pass, and will complain it is unfair to the administration. I have got in touch with my boss to get my side in first, but I had to say which teacher my studentās friend has, so I feel like I am being a tattletale. Of course, if that teacher is following the syllabus there is no problem, and when that student was complaining to me directly (before going to admin) I emailed him directly, and he said he is following the syllabus, but he doesnāt seem to like me anyway, so he may like me even less after this.
I feel like I am having a lot of challenges recently about being stronger about my people pleasing, which is probably good for me, but very uncomfortable. This is on top of my recent challenges about dealing with my mistakes. Maybe this is spiritual progress but it is hard.
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This is my issue with therapy so far. And I validate that this is my personal thoughts towards specific, UK based, talking therapy. Itās a quick fix, solution based, therapy that wants results and incremental improvements. I donāt know if you fill out an evaluation before each session for kind of measurable touch ins? It feels helpful but also not helpful. I zoned out several times across my sessions, felt like I was taking space I didnāt deserve, feeling bad for not feeling good.
Iām now of the mind that I need to heal every part of me, not just change my headspace. Changing my perspective can sometimes be temporary and not enough. Somatic and psychological healing, hand in hand, is my goal. Iām trying everything I possibly can to find my people and my voice and my vibe. Maybe you need to branch out onto other resources?
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431
I dont know. This tiredness is making me hypochondriac. Is it really fluoxetine withdrawal? Or maybe pills were making me feel strong and now Iām just ānormalā?
Maybe I have some serious disease that is activating now? Some type of cancer? My mother before diagnoses with leukemia had all kind of symptoms that everybody, especially her, ignore. Cause they were normal at her age/flu season etc.
I was feeling better day or two but now Iām back to square one. Itās so annoying. I understand I need a rest cause Iām all the time in a rush but Iām always in a rush and this fatigue is something new.
Am I just getting old?
I donāt want to be so weak all the time.
It must be fluoxetine.
Anybody have experience with this subject?
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Man life is so precious. I got to work around 6 and did my check in here. I heard of gunshots but nothing more really, i looked at my schedule at 7 and saw it said special assignment and was told i was heading to emergency care center to clean up from the victim. Idk if seen messy situations before, but idk never a gun shot or anything. As i walked in and just assessed the scene i was filled with alot of emotions, it was a 31 year old man and his life was taken around 3 in the morning. I suited up and started cleaning and i just couldnt help but think about what happened, why did somebody shoot someone, and im here cleaning the last bit of this 31 year old, he may of been someones dad, was a mothers precious son. The suspect was apprehended and i wonder what was seriously going through his mind that he pulled that trigger. I dont mean to double post, i didnt think cleaning up and seeing all that would affect me as much as it did. I can only feel for those nurses who tried saving that mans life and unfortunately did not succeed. Hold everything you have tight.
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Day 186
Good morning. Didnāt get to sleep until 3:30a, but I did get a few hours in so Iām glad.
Bit of networking today. These lunch things used to bother me. Iām a different person now. Now I want to meet as many people as I can. Theyāre just people. Alcohol and isolation made it scary. So happy thatās over now. What a relief! Itās the way to start a business. Itās not fully baked yet so I wonāt announce anything, just make contacts. And if I hear of an opportunity today Iāll speak up. There is more work around here than I can do, so Iām setting some basics this week.
Itās funny, I see myself working again and I suddenly panic: āWait!!! I want to travel more and do freedom things.ā So yep, another trip or so, and find a way to block out time for travel. I can still see Santa Feās buildings and art in my mind. It brought me back to life. I did it sober, and want more. I used to go to boozy work conferences which always left me tired and sad that I missed the place. And boozy personal trips. Itās empty.
Iām going to work on some base rates and such this morning so I donāt rip myself off 
. People pleasing.
Enjoy your sober days 
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That is a very shocking and emotional thing to have to deal with. You had to physically deal with it, so of course it would bring up thoughts and emotions. Post as much as you need.
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Mike, Iām so sorry 
Iām glad you are sharing your pain with us. That is so terrible. Post as many times as you need to, we are here.
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Day 437. Feeling v sluggish. Going to stop working at three
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Checking in day 169. Hope every one is having a great week
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152 days sober
Itās been a busy day here. I managed to get a solid amount of work done this morning and the translation project is really coming along well! I also finished the arrangements for the doctor that will come next week. Then I needed to deliver the sheep which was a hassle but got it done then gave the uniforms to the kids after their school was out. I was happy to hear they havenāt had any more hassle. It was getting late by time I got home and Iām tired out from all the running around but feeling good tonight.
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Checking in sober . Day 2 no junk food.
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Checking in with 149 days sober. Looking forward to hitting that 5 months markā¦ so close. 
Iāll stay sober today too.
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7 months is amazing!
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Checking in 189 days. 3 day road trip to Utah was I must say so very challenging mentally and emotionally. Divorce was mentioned too many times and Hubbyās attitude was horrible. Back home was better and today trying to start afresh. I am off to much needed AA Metting today and so looking forward to gym pool later. Sponsor exposed to Covid so Step 4 will drag on some more. I want so much to move on. Feel a bit stalled in all areas just now. Sobriety a bright spot. Beautiful day! Stay sober my lovely friends just for today.
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68
Made a little Medley of Saturdays gig
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at noon today iāll have 4 full days yall ! itās all thanks to my Higher Power, who i see in all of you <3
iāll be honest, itās been a very emotional day so far. not necessarily bad, but iāve been crying a lot. i had the realization a few hours ago that my Higher Power loves me. truly, in its purest sense, loves me. i thought he would only love me if i acted or thought a certain way, or became someone i didnāt feel connected to. but i was so wrong!!! Heās loved me even with a pipe in my mouth yall, and i now know it to be true.
thank you all for letting me share, and if you feel your Higher Power will only love you if or when you change, i challenge you to ask yourself if thatās what love truly is, if itās conditional or unconditional.
best wishes to you all, and i hope youāre well <3
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Ufffā¦ just reading your post gives me goose bumps! I donāt know, I live in a country where very few people have guns, only if you live in the country side and are a hunter with a license. Iāve never seen a gun in my life, and donāt know anybody that has one! People just donāt possess guns where I live, and Iām thankful for that! I guess US is different! Iām sorry for the things you had to go through, and I hope you process them in the right way. 
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Checking in! 
Today has been a weird day, I was supposed to go back to work, but I had a medical appointment at 11:00 am, finally they attended me at 12:30 (Spain is differentā¦ 
), and as I am 1 hour drive away from the office, I decided to do home office. So finally I didnāt go the office. But my other blood tests from 3 weeks ago came out all fine, so thatās good news.
Also my kitty Peanut is giving me some headaches! He decided that after almost a week he doesnāt want to use the litter box anymore! 
Iāve been cleaning poop from several places the past 2 days!! And now weāre with severe āpotty trainingā!! 
This afternoon went fine and he used the litter boxā¦ weāll see how things progress, heās just a baby and needs to learn, I guess not everything can be roses and sunshine! 
Tomorrow Iām back to the office, and Iām happy about that! Despite the horrible weather forecast! 
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Workday afternoon check-in.
I went to 5 social activities on the long weekend, including an open bar event yesterday, and avoided alcohol. Itās the second last day of a week of my wife working overnights. The office-parenting-housework combo has been demanding. Iām happy to be fully present and engaged, keeping up with everything.
Sober living is the way to be.
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