Thank you @JazzyS for your support. Yeah, I’m feeling much better without that person in my life.
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*Day 2180 
triggerwarning death
Live can be difficult sometimes.
My youngest son has a girlfriend. Her brother commited suicide yesterday. He drove his car against a tree. He was 19. It’s so sad.
My daughter in law is in Korea right now for study and is coming back urgenly tomorrow. Good to see my son is helping her where he can.
It makes me so sad. For that boy, for his parents and for his brother and sister and all others he left behind in grief with so much questions.
He was on his way to school. His schoolbooks in the back of the car…
He had mental problems, but seems better.
It’s my worst nightmare: loosing a child.
My grandparents lost their firstborn at very young age because of an accident. Their life was never the same. As a grandchild I felt that and later on as a mom myself I felt that even more ofcourse.
So today I’m lost a bit. It’s not my child, but I feel so sad.
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Checking in end of Day 2, Work went okay but head was a a bit cloudy. Not feeling 100 percent yet but hey? I survived through the day i guess.
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221 days AF checking in
Pool today!
Freaking out… 
Didn’t have a swim while week cause of long working hours, heatwave and crowded pools just fuck up. (sry)
Will smash the lane 
Then eat.
Then siesta.
Repeat tomorrow 
Love you guys 
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1918
Had a nice day yesterday, going to the dairy farm together with my friend. Will do some stuff in town today, as well as take Luna to the vet for her monthly solensia shot. And get Korean takeaway later. It’s still warm but any day now colder wetter weather will appear. Well. Can’t have it all. We’ll have fun with colder weather too. Sober and clean.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Make it clean and sober or nothing will come of it. Love form Utrecht where I saw my therapist as well yesterday.
@Mbwoman So sorry losing Gunny. They’re such close friends. Glad you’re not tempted to drink over it 
@Vanessa8 Congrats on 5 months!
@HolySquid That’s terrible bad luck friend! Healing thoughts and vibes your way!
@HakeemOsman Happy belated birthday to you!
@NewBeginning1 Congrats on day 2 Matt. ODAAT for all of us.
@Thirdmonkey You sure you trust a toddler in a shooting tank Scott? 
@wahtisnormal I’m sorry it didn’t work out friend. However, you’re never sure something like this won’t happen again. And actually I see the fact that YOU choose to end this as something very positive. Your choice. You took the power int your own hands. You took control of your life. However painful it is and was, you took the right decision. Power to you! And drinking would just be a reversal to old patterns, to bad coping mechanisms. You are doing this thing called lifed. I’m sorry you’re hurting, buit I’m proud of you. Hugs.
@SoberWalker Suicide is such a terrible thing to deal with. So sorry Claudia. Strength to all involved. Big hugs friend.
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Maybe…lol, thats why it is going to stay at his house. Grandma Monkey found an “exact” copy of her truck for him…it doesnt shoot, it will stay here.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1546. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Love seeing you around and appreciate your kookiness …don’t change
@wahtisnormal I’m sorry Zoe. Even when we know it’s right to break up - the hurt and emotional pain can linger for a long time. I am so glad that you were able to see those red flags and end the relationship. Those are some serious flags my friend.
The blessing from this is that you let yourself be open. You connected on a level with someone else that you never knew possible and now this is what you will seek in your partner. This man has shown you that this type of person exists. Don’t give up hope. You deserve love and happiness.
Block and delete his number/ email etc. this will make it harder for you to reach out and keep you from caving. I do believe you made a wise decision and I’m so sorry that you are hurting right now. Do know that hurt does heal. Sending you so much love my friend
@SoberWalker I’m so sorry to read this. Such an awful tragedy. Reading of this does create an empty hole where you feel lost. I’m not a mother but can’t imagine getting that news. Hugs to you and yours. 
@Newbeginning1 way to go Matt… Going strong! Keep at it…the cloudiness lifts and it all does get easier
@Juli1 so happy you made it to the pool. Enjoy the lanesy friend. Hope work calms down once you get the hang of it
Checking in early Saturday…can’t sleep so going to get the coffee motivation and hit the pavement… should be a quiet walk as I think most people will still be asleep - I am happy about that.
Have a busy day ahead…hope my body cooperates and I can get it all done. My headache isn’t as bad but still persistent. Maybe the cool air will help.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day… sending you all so much love
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@Mbwoman I’m so sorry for your loss 
congrats on 3.5 years though 
@MrMoustache congrats on 60 days and well done for blocking that guy 
@Tyland I hope you heal up okay 🩵
@HolySquid feel better soon 🩵
@HakeemOsman belated happy birthday 
looks like a great time 
@wahtisnormal it’s usually best to trust your intuition with things like this, I really wish I had in a few past relationships. Be kind to yourself 🩵
@SoberWalker that is very sad indeed 🩵
1488 days no alcohol.
953 days no cocaine.
468 days no vape.
0 days no binge-eating.
So I wish I hadn’t, but I checked my bank app and it showed that the two direct debits I thought would go out yesterday, aren’t going out until 00:30 Monday, which meant I “technically” could spend the money I was saving for them. I didn’t want to though, and before I checked the app I was doing fine, no urges or cravings at all. I made it to 2pm. But as soon as I checked it, my addict took over and I went to buy fruit. It was like I was forcing myself to eat it.
Then, at 7:30pm when I couldn’t sleep, and I realised it was “Friday night”, my addict took over again and convinced me I needed binge foods to watch a TV show. So off I went to the shop, and bought things I don’t even want to be eating due to being diabetic.
Suffering the hyperglycemic consequences now but they will pass.
Currently no urges or cravings to go to the shop again, despite it having been open for 4.5hrs.
🩵
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280 days
Got out and went out for a walk up a hill this morning. Just got home from a party, plenty of drinking going on. Was a good time to get out and go home when i did
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@Tragicfarinelli @Just_Laura I once read the book “Ultra Processed People” by Chris van Tulleken. It was part of my recovery lit. I remember how he described his attempt to only live off processed foods for - I think - four weeks. I could so relate to all his experiences then. So I believe we all have some kind of tollerance to toxicity - including foods - and this tollerance is different in everyone. I feel like crap for hours even after eating one biscuit or a handful of crisps, for other’s systems this is not much of a deal. Everyone has to find their own equilibrium there.
@JazzyS Wishing you a gooood day early bird! 
@SoberWalker I’m so sorry to hear about this loss. The son of very good friends of mine, a boy I know from his birth tried to commit suicide a few years ago at the age of 17. Thankfully it did not work out and he did not manage to hurt himself, but the trauma stays with all of us. Sending love and hugs Claudia. Do something to take care of your soul
@wahtisnormal I am so sorry for your heartbreak girl. This is hard. Most of us either got our hearts broken or did break some in our lives. It does not make it easier though. I hope you have some friends around to talk, some ways to comfort yourself in these difficult days. And I’m going to echo what @Mno and @Just_Laura already said: YOU did great! You trusted your own judgement, saw the read flags, and decided to protect yourself. Learning to keep healty boundries is one of the most important parts of recovery. Sending you care and love.
@tailee17 Never stop posting silly stuff. We all are in need of those in the darker hours of our lives.
@HakeemOsman Happy Birthday friend! You are a lucky guy to have a spouse to take you to such a nice treat!
@Butterflymoonwoman This autumn thing might be connected to the decline of sun shine in your part of the world. This has a huge impact on our brain chemistry and this in turn on our cravings. At least that’s what happens to me. I try to get more outside - especially on sunny days - and use a light therapy box from November on.
290 sugar
154 UPF
28 gluten
28 dairy
Hot day today. Did the groceries, took my daughter to her ballet rehersal. She is quite apprehensive as she has missed many lessons due to her migraines. I hope she can catch up and will be able to partake in the planned show. She love performing on stage.
I’m going to take care of my IT-tools and my plants at home today. We are going to visits friends for a garde party in the afternoon/evening.
My intention for today: “May I find a way to peace, may I love life no matter what.” 
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I’m here, I’m alive, I’m sober and I’m happy.
Day 192.
That’s all Folks 
Wishing y’all a wonderful day.
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Day 2360. Be kind, be sober, find peace.
Stay sober friends!
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Day 208
Sleepy Saturday night after a busy day. Hope everyone is doing ok.
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Just checking in.
Dealinf with issues from CPS regarding services for my nephew and have a lot to focus on for him at the moment. I have found myself feeling guilty lately around money, particularly how money was perhaps “wasted” (in my brain) on the family lawyer who was of no help and very expensive and renovatinf our home for our nephew to stay with us (a large expense that grew as renovations do, and it did not work out with him staying with us so feeling guilty that I did not have better foresight and that I didnt try harder to problem solve around findinf a contractor who could have helped us with a smaller renovation that would have been more modest and less costly…) Just feeling guilty in general and it will come out in all sorts of ways, whether it is thinking about my sister, her son or my children. I realize that this is also something that has been put into my life that I have to take time to process, as people who survive homicide live with this sense of tremendous guilt and ours in compounded by not beinf able to provide for my nephews needs and adopt him. Its big, and it lingers and plays to the fact that I also have a tendency to find my fault in situations so that I can make repairs. If I can make repairs and restitution that means there is something I can do to fix it.
I have a lpt of healing to do around this guilt, particular to my aister and nephew but also what existed prior and the role I have played in my family to peacekeep and assume my fault in situations so that I may break the ice, take the high road and help resolve situations.
I have definitly been in my own head this month and I need to work on gettinf out. Checking in here more and to stop looking on social media as a break. I tell myself I dont look for too long, its between 5-20 minutes a day but it doesnt rwally matter. I know its not good for me and I know i dont need to do it.
Next week I would like to take 1 hour per day to write. Putting aside time for things for me to do for myself like workinf out or things that dont have a deadline are really hard for me to do. When i have something to do with a deadline I can do it. But i have to find a way to creat my own deadlines, and not to pile on everything else that needs to be done. I have to take time for myself and being creative.
Wishing you all a beautiful day
Xo.
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Good morning, checking in Day 360 SAF and day 346 no smokes.
At my meeting yesterday we talked about step 7 and humility. For me it played a big roll in finally sobering up. Once I finally had it beaten into me, that regardless of how strong I thought I was, that I wasn’t gonna beat this by myself. The constant state of relapses stopped, and sobriety got alot easier.
If your in that 3 day, 5 day, 10 day rinse and repeat cycle. GO GET FUCKING HELP. In most cases it’s free, you just gotta go get it 
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Checking in day 173.
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So sorry Claudia
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Sorry it’s been awfully long time post on here I got so many things say I tell my testimony and few other stories eventually
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