Happy birthday!! 
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Emilie, Iām so sorry for your loss. Youāre doing amazingly dealing with your grief sober. Alcohol would only make it worse and it shows how far youāve come recognising that. Sending you all the love and strenght I can muster. 
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299 days
Went and did an easy workout this morning. Back was ok. Also managed to get a stretch in while the kids were training this afternoon.
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Day 621.
Wellā¦ itās been a while since I checked in andā¦ wellā¦ I did a thing. By thing I mean I enrolled into Uni, got accepted, paid the first installment and Iām starting next week. Becauseā¦ yeah. Itās exciting yet terrifying.
My husband thinks Iām doing the right thing. My mom cried tears of joy when I told her. My dad doesnāt know yet.
But I canāt help but feel like a complete and utter fuck-up. I left the country to study abroad. Dropped out. Married a moron. Started a second degree attempt. Divorced the moron. Developed a serious drug/alcohol problem. Made a complete mess of everything partaining to my existence.
Sure, itās more complicated than that. But now Iām basically back where I started. Older, none the wiser, trying to pick up the many pieces of my shattered hopes and dreams.
Yes, Iām rambling. The point is that Iāve already attempted this degree thingymabob twice and failed miserably. Soā¦ will the third time prove the charm or am I setting myself up for more failure? Fuck knows. But Iām sober. So maybe if I can achieve that, passing some exams and getting a diploma at the end isnāt impossible?
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Who knows if anything ever done is the right or wrong thingā¦ But making steps is never wrong. Amazing Amy, Iām truly excited for you! 
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Day 2379. Work seems to be going well. I like what I am doing, and everyone seems nice. There is your typical work drama, never worked somewhere where there wasnt.
Stay sober friends!
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- We have no hot water again since midnight yesterday! Tuesday thru to yesterday at 6pm we also had zero hot water, and no heating either. This happens every winter in our 46 flat block, repeatedly. Itās such a joy to behold (especially no heating or hot water on Christmas day, and you are one of the only ākids left at the dormā to holiday, and all engineers are on annual leave). This has happened over the past three festive periods, but Iām trying to be hopeful this year
. We also have scaffolding up everywhere to remedy the fire hazards that the builders happily installed. Double shit show. Oh well. I can hopefully shower at the gym as my freezing shower on Tuesday was scream inducing. How is it that when you deliberately put a pea sized amount of shampoo on your head for minimum soapage, you create a foam drift reminisce of some 90s Ibiza party?? Just checking in to share my water and building woes, apart from that all is well on my 273rd day of sobriety. One of my friends owns a beautiful apartment in Nice, France and we have stayed there before as friends privilege. We use the high speed to travel around to Marseille or Lyon (my favourite french city) and I have massive fond memories. She was messaging me yesterday and sent a pic of a beautiful french terrace and a carafe of proper french rosĆ© wine. I got such a sadness that it was roughā¦ I was there speaking my mediocre french at the fish market buying produce ready to cook beautiful fish and drink wine and throw the shutters open to the clear azure skyā¦
But I announced my sober time to her and got āIām so fucking proud of youā in response. Despite the grief of a love and āfrench favourite memoryā lost, I still come out on top I think. Jeez, those rose tinted glasses are little buggers.
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Happy Thursday!
Planning on doing a difficult 9th step today. Iām turning it over and trusting that no matter what the outcome itās th next right thing to do. Make it an awesome day my friends!!!
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So very sorry for your loss @Laner She mustāve been an amazing person. You were so lucky to have her in your life. Keep on doing the good work in her honour. Sheās now guiding you from above. Sheāll always be with you.
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If this helps you feel better I am very close to 50, moved countries as a refugee, have held all kind of jobs from cleaning stairwells to delivering papers at 4am to being a stay at home mum to school principal and project consultant of multimillion IT-projects. I studied four subjects and did not finish with any diploma. Currently I take care of my kid and develop computer games in my PJs at home.
I also am in recovery, seperating from my ex-husband, and have had all kinds dark episodes and failures in my life.
Depending on which part of my life I tell you about, you will get a very different picture of me.
You donāt fail at life. You live. It is complicated.
You never are where you started.
You never step into the same river twice, for it is not the same river and you are not the same person. (That quote I stole from an old greek. Donāt tell anyone 
)
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Sounds like life lived the right way Amy. For our kind. Excited for you! Makes me happy to read. You go student you 
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Hey all, checking in on day 1565. I hope everybody has a good one 
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Youāve been on my mind and I wish I had reached out sooner. Iām so sorry youāre going through this now, so sorry for your loss, Emilie. I and we are here if and when you need support. Glad you got through that craving. Youāre a strong chica with strong sobriety muscles, you can get through this sober. Sending 
and 
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Checking in day 192.
Saw this quote and it felt like a reflection of sobriety, and also how I feel as I quit smoking.
āThe chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.ā
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@TrustyBird My deepest sympathies. It will be a rough few weeks. Sober is the only way to process things fully, and grieve genuinely. 
@Amy30 Yay! I am so excited for you! You are in a much better place now, and I am sure you can now kick that degreeās arse!
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@TrustyBird so sorry for your loss Emilie
I can totally relate with covering emotions to avoid making ppl uncomfortable. My parents died many years ago and I never ever truly talked about it, about how I feel, with anybody. Never.
@Just_Laura Happy Birthday Laura. You are a star 
@Amy30 always happy to see ypu checkinin 
You will do great at University, Iām sure about it.
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If you never try you will never know Amy.
Proud of you! You are doing it. Getting out of your comfort zone is where the magic happens!!
But I do understand the worries though 
But do it anyway! Proove yourself you are as strong as we all think you are!
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@Aussie_Tiger so lovely to see this check inā¦ congratulations on your 4 months of sobriety 
@Lefty624 wowā¦ check you out! Closing in on that triple digit milestone ā¦ Hope your work gets easier my friend. You are absolutely crushing it in your sobrietyā¦ keep pushing forward
@TrustyBird I canāt even imagine the pain you are experiencing in dealing with the death of your mom. Very grateful that you are handling it sober and not letting that grief get overwhelmed with the addict voice.
Love this! Way to go in thinking ahead and preparing for any triggers. Hope you have a wonderful sober trip
@Laner just thinking of you friend and sending you hugs 
Checking in on Thursday morning ā¦just moving forwardā¦ nothing new to report.
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free dayā¦ sending you all so much love
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Sending you a big hug Emilie
Whatever youāre going through, just know weāre here for you too ey. There is a light at the end of the tunnel friend, and she wouldnāt want you to self-sabotage eitherā¦ Glad you reached out! 
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175 days sober
Just a quick check in today. Iām exhausted. Thanks to everyone who wrote to say condolencesā¦today has been rough but Iām here and sober.
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