Im glad you’re giving aa a try. I remember when i was 29 and first joined this forumn and had my first shot at being sober. I started attending aa about 5 months into sobriety, this kid i knew a year or two older wanted to be my sponsor, i knew him growing up. He had had been in the rooms he said for over 4 years, and had i think like 8 months of sobriety when i had my 5. I said sure to him being my sponsor, it wasnt who i really wanted or felt like even he was ready still for sobriety to give me the advice i needed. He always knew the right answers. Knew the book, knew every phrase in the book, knew how to be a sponsor and work the steps, yet never could stay sober him self. I watched him relapse countless times, pick me up drunk for a couple meetings, and eventually he ended up dying a year or so later. My point with this is, you can do this aa and be so gung ho and get this higher power thats going to save you and put you on the path to sobriety, but its not. You’re not seeing any real consequences when you smoke pot probably the way you did drinking. You might get mad at yourself but its not really enough to stop you from doing it again. Like ive said to myself. The cookie cutting around the edges isnt gonna help, ok i didnt drink, i just did a little cocaine or sniffed a welbutrin which isnt a narcotic so im still sober because i didnt drink type of stuff. Its the same with the pot, its great you havent drank, or done some of the other stuff. But its still kinda like cutting corners, this is just my opinion, but when you actually look at being sober from drugs, alcohol, pot,cocaine, meth in the same way and not chopping them into sections it might help, so next time you smoke pot, reset everything bc ultimately even though you didnt drink, you’re not sober. If i took a hit of weed today and felt that regret, it doesn’t matter if my drug of choice isnt pot. And that i didnt drink, i still did a drug that changed my moral self and inhibitions id reset the whole counter… aa will help you and give you great tools, but staying sober is going to come within you and truly seeing this shit for what it is… im not perfect, i lied pretty much the whole time in the half way house, ive learned through alot of my relapses, and i know now even when i relapsed at my uncles i hopped on this forum all mad and blah blah im not changing my days i only had a couple. Being honest with ourselves is how we are going to stay on a better path
Friday morning check in.
Don’t feel like doing the office work today, because it will be a demanding household and parenting weekend with my wife working overnights and sleeping during the day today through Monday. This afternoon and evening will be a grind turning groceries into meals, doing the play time, bath time and bed time etc.
Pushing through, as always!
Checking in 180 days sober. I’ll stay sober today too. Hope everyone has a nice day. 
So I’ve been thinking more about this. I’ve always been agnostic, and I think it’s bc I find certain things from multiple religions making sense to me. So maybe it’s not the higher power I struggle with(I do believe in something), but religion itself 
The first time I quit drinking, it was like a switch flipped in my brain. My desire to drink just disappeared. Nothing short of a miracle. I had no idea what to do, but my first thought was ‘I need to go to church.’ 
So I did for the first time in 15 years. The emotions that came over me there were so powerful I couldn’t stop crying, but it felt so good. I felt relieved and safe and light, and I believe this was the first time I felt God’s love. Two days later(at 1 week sober) I found this app. Maybe it’s why I commonly refer to it as a Godsend 
Two months later, after a few nudges here, I tried AA, and that was where the real recovery started. I’m forever grateful for everything I learned and how it changed my life. I’m so happy you’ve decided to take this next step for your recovery. Don’t worry so much about the higher power part(unless, of course, it’s of great importance to you). Read the book, do the work, and everything will start making sense 
Day 5 - Feeling crappy today, but am just trusting that I am moving in the right direction
Day
21 no form of alcohol or drugs
Lifes ok for me at the moment
I cant wait yo read more of the big book
And this AA stuff is stricked in its ways huh
Not a bad thing but i hope i dont fk it up
Heyyy
I took your advice
Day 21 clean and sober
I looove reading your posts
Your a little stricked with it but thats a good thing. You NEED to protect you
I can relate to that
Throw out the pot
Ill be sober with you today if youd like. 
@jennyh Congrats on your 2 weeks. Glad to hear that you are seeing / feeling the benefits of sobriety. I do hope all is well with the pregnancy and you / baby are ok Do stay connected my friend. This I can imagine is scary time and you need support now more than ever. Sending you big hugs 
@acromouse Sorry to create confusion with the new avatar (tbh - i also forget it’s me 
) Thanks friend - I am working through the pain and hope it eases up. Meant to reply to your other question and just realized I never did. I do enjoy all sorts or horror movies (no particular style - as long as it’s good). The Halloween and Saw series are great. I also enjoyed The Autopsy of Jane Doe, The Hunt, Talk to Me are also on the top of my list. I’m loving your pictures with your posts 
Have fun at the cabaret show!
@tragicfarinelli Oh I’m sorry friend - that headache sounds horrid. I do hope that you are able to find relief soon Glad you did share and yes, that emotional traumatic topic could be the culprit. Be kind to yourself today. Sending you loads of hugs
@Laner Whoohoo! 6 months is amaizng work! So great to see you growing and flourishing in your sober journey. Thank you for sharing your adventures with us -always enjoy reading your posts 
@Collins Way to go with your 4 years! That is super impressive work! keep leading the way 
@Whereswaldo Congrats on your 200 days! Wishing you luck with the sale of your home. Big adventures going on for you - grateful you are enjoying them all sober!
@Mindofsobermike Glad you are feeling better today. LOL - i was wondering how you were planning to video yourself. Glad you opted for the safer option to just enjoy the ride. Happy Friday to you - hope your GF enjoys the thoughtful gift.
@Refreshedperspective Feeling crappy is a part of the journey – you most definitely are going in the right direction. 5 days and going strong
@Noshame Way to go!!! that is awesome work my friend – 3 weeks of complete sobriety
You all are amazing- love seeing these check in’s and the milestones - the journeys - love that we are all in this together
Been a productive day even through it all. The pain is intense today but it seems that I’ve had more hard days lately and hoping that means some relief is coming. Gonna treat myself to an espresso to give me some pep as I am needed today to help out with some errands and I don’t want to let anyone down. ODAAT!
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love
4 years is awesome!
I hope i did not make you feel you need to do that. I was just trying to share my experience. Sobriety or being in recovery is different for many, and i certainly dont judge ones ways. Idk if i would say strict, but for me its that ive become more aware of my reasonings and justifying. I absolutely hate pot, i stopped smoking it when i was around 20. Said id never touch cocaine and just kept drinking. When i turned 21, i did cocaine, still never did pot, dabbled with some other drugs but that was it. Today if i suddenly said ahh i hated pot it wont hurt to take a hit and see if feels different this time, bc for me in the end, if im wanting to feel “HIGH” which for me is relatively all semi the same feeling when i use any of these drugs, with some slight differences. Even caffeine i cant mess with bc it can make me start feeling a certain way that can be triggering…in the end, some people can handle that and make it work. I see this girl on fb who just posted the other day she has three years clean and free and sober, but gets high off pot every single day… and in my mind im thinking how is that sober? Her drug of choice was meth, i know her personally. To me i see it as escaping something still, but if she is holding a job and doing what needs to be done then i certainly wont judge her. Some people get it prescribed and may really need it, idk. Im not a doctor or therapist. I only know what works for me. I tried the vyvance, which was a controlled substance, i didnt notice much from it. And i wouldnt tell someone they arent sober because of it, or Adderall or subutex. Some people truly need it, and i may of needed the Adderall or w.e but i would notice myself trying to sneek a extra one. There’s a difference between seeking and med management for your recovery. Thats where i believe we truly know within ourselves what needs to be done. I also believe when using a med managed revovery like suboxone or w.e the end result should be trying to taper down.
Day 964
Feeling a bit triggered and disgusted with myself right now. I had to go to the bank to pick up bank statements (was a requirment for this financial situation Im dealing with) from March 2020- Feb 2022 (literally right before I got clean - clean date is Feb 13, 2022) and boy im appauled at the amount of money spent on my DOC. I had to highlight my pay deposits during that time on the paperwork but as I was going thru it, i saw soooo many ATM withdrawls and etransfers coming in (we borrowed alot of money) and I am completely disgusted with myself right now. I know its in the past and that I shouldnt focus on that. But i think if anything, this is a reminder of who I dont want to be like anymore. Thank God for recovery, truly I am SO thankful that I havent had to use an ATM in over 2 years. That I havent had to borrow money AT ALL. I am super embarssed by my bank statements and I have no idea what these people are going to think when they see them. Ugh I am a grateful recovering addict today
Day 217
Hi everyone 
OK here. Back spasms are bad this afternoon, but that slows my roll and helps me focus on my recovery group (TS!!). I swam this morning, worked on some business/legal stuff and had a good start.
Will go network at neighborhood happy hour. It’s in a backyard nearby. I’m trying not to focus on the alcohol part. It’s meeting people. And I want to be at my best. Alcohol never made me brave or happy.
Does anyone else have more confidence sober? I was a wreck when drinking. Now I just blab without getting anxious. What did I ever see in booze? Some lie about it making you courageous. Really? Like unafraid to vomit? Unafraid to get in arguments? Nah, it doesn’t do that. Just makes you sick, sloppy.
Love you guys
Day 2645 and all is well 
Checking in day 277 AF 
Everything just keeps getting worse not better ugh. Feeling like a yo-yo 
153 days check in 
Hi everyone,
I am doing alot better
Managed to just stop the strong painkillers with lots left over which I don’t need now, although recommended to… I am not in pain so why it doesn’t make sense.
Had my incision dressing removed today, I’m not usually squimish but I almost fainted when I seen it.
Sleeps been a bit crazy, all over the place.
Told the Dr today I am tired so quick and sleepy and she said I had major surgery - I was thinking it wasn’t but I guess it makes sense, my body needs time to heal it’s its own time not my time.
Slowly getting back to myself and taking in that I had the operation…I think seeing the scar today made it all real.
Miss you all 
So glad to hear that ur getting better day by day Smart decision on the meds. I know my mind wouldve been going 100 miles an hour over that. If u dont need them, then why take then right? Its always good to see u posting friend hugs
Checking in Day 220
Knee a lot better than last night. Hubby home and remains on his ugly side. I am praying serenity prayer every minute. I really wish I could learn not to let his cruel side bother me so much. Again I am told I do nothing here at home when I was gone 3 days and have been working my ass off since I got back home. No gym, no meetings this week and really tough to get around with the knee thing…If I were guilty of all he says about me I could handle the criticism. My house looks great and even my desk is bare with everything filed. The desk has been cleaned off for few weeks now. Use to be stacked high with shit… Wrong thread for this one but right now Hubby can FRO.
Thanks for listening…