That’s awesome love…does not sound minimal at all… I do know how much effort that took and an very happy to hear that you managed to do so. I do hope you are able to get out and enjoy that walk. 
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Hi @Noshame 
I have always been pretty sad since early childhood. Always worried and anxious about things that haven’t even happened, are going to happen or even perhaps happened.
I have lots of tools and tricks and my main one is routine and accountability. But once I fall off the horse I really fall off and then I just seem to stay there rather than trying to get back up on the horse.
This will pass, but I’ve asked for a medical review of my antidepressants as well ASAP. 
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Thank you. You are right. It’s so hard to get these bloody feet moving. But I know I won’t regret some time out 
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@JennyH Sorry about the news I know how it feels. Like you don’t know what to feel. Some things just aren’t meant to be 
Be gentle with yourself and don’t veer off the path. Things will get better as you keep moving forward 
@Rob11 Thanks Rob 
That sounds like me. Putting things off, or waiting for someone else’s move, just keeps tension rising so I put it off even longer when I should stop and stare it in the face. Today’s the day!
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Sorry to hear you’ve been more anxious lately. I hope walk in the park will help with that. 
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Of course still keeps me occupied, but it is what it is. The acceptance that my upbringing was the way it was is relatively fresh. I searched in other areas. Poe, but what an abuse it was, same with partners I “choose”, I know that I’m the villain in their stories. But at least I’m no longer with them. Still need therapists to validate me, so that how people treat me (somehow a lot of gaslighting etc.) or take me for granted is really not normal and I’m not insane…,It’s a miracle that I’m still alive, now setting my boundaries clearer and no more borderless empathy from my side. Progress not perfection
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Day 967
I just want to thank this forum for being here. I dont often go thru “stuff” but when I do, there is amazing people on this forum that are always there to help. Im very grateful for having this support
Today i am still feeling a little anxious BUT i have a plan of action to combat that. I have already prayed but I will also be reading some pages from the Big Book this morning that were suggested to me by individuals on this forum. The Big Book doesnt just show me how to recover but also shows me how to live life. And so i know these readings will help. Im going to go to the gym once my son is on the bus and then run an errand. Then take some time this afternoon to tidy up and do some self care.
I was thinking too, that if anything positive came out of this financial situation that I am in, its that it pushed me to return to the basics of recovery and it pushed me to seek a greater connection with God. This I am grateful for. At some point in my recovery journey, I sort of stopped doing these things and I can definitly feel the difference in my life now that I have returned to it. So i am grateful 
Thats about it for me this morning. Have a great day everyone!! Love to u all!
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Day 737
Hey y’all! Just a short sign of life from me 
All is good over here
Stay on course gals and guys, it’s so worth it
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Day 220
Stuff, @Butterflymoonwoman Dana? Oh yes, me too! I’m in a stuff phase. It’s painful. I am coming here a lot more lately and you’re right, the support is tremendous. 
The forward steps are slow and painful; digging through my work history triggered a lot of stuff. Of course it did. It’s not going to harm me, it’s in the past and I’m safe now. I’m starting completely over in my life, and that is daunting AF in the beginning. My brain goes into flashbacks and trauma because the new things aren’t all in place yet. But they’re in progress, you know?
I’m nowhere yet. It’s ok. Brain wants something to grab onto, and presently all I can offer is semi-stale tortilla chips. But I have roasted pepper salsa 
!! Enchiladas in due time
Have lovely days, everyone
Fall has arrived in New Mexico, and is heading this way!
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Hey just erased a novel that I was just writing to everyone after rereading it I chose to erase it I hope everybody has a good day
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186 days sober
Tomorrow I’ll leave for my work trip so I’ve been busy preparing for that today. I’m looking forward to the trip but not the traveling part. It’s a longgg drive into Kazakhstan on not so good roads and slightly shady transport. I’m always nervous about traveling through the passes this time of year because of road conditions.
I’ll have a full schedule while I’m there but am gonna check in here and keep sober.
One of the problems here is getting through road passings…in the past I buy off the road blocks by giving a bottle of vodka to the workers (think of it as unofficial toll booths that need paying) it is really the only way so I had to arrange for the friend I am traveling with to buy and keep these bottles so that we can pass through. But I’m having some anxiety about having to do it this way. Not because I am tempted to drink but because in general I hate having to pay bribes especially when it’s giving alcohol to other people who are probably alcoholics as well. Part of the complicated ways things here are done I just need to deal with.
Anywho I’m keeping sober and safe.
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I made it to 6 months sober. I’ll stay sober today too.
Weekend was good with the kids, I did a bunch of fun things with them and we had a good time… but not so good with the hubby. He drank 5 out of 7 days this past week (which is usual) and I’m just feeling very tired and out of touch with him. Ugggg. I know I need to talk to him, that keeping things bottled up won’t help, at the same time it wont do any good… he isn’t ready to even consider giving up alcohol. And that right there makes any conversation pointless.
I’m glad I have this app.
I’m glad I made it to 6 months. I’ll keep it up.
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Congratulations Vanessa! Brilliant 
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Damned Jenny. Very sorry. At least you’re sober right? Big hugs friend. Hang in there, we’re here for you and with you.
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465
Finally I feel good enough to make some cold plunge. Last time water was 18°C which was cold but still doable. Today I managed to lower temp to 13-14°C and mother of ice!, difference is huge! My feet were literally in pain. I had to go in and out few times before I sat down 
I stayed 1min and that was it. Slowly, slowly, I will get there. Where? I don’t even know 
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Day 8 - checking in, I am soooo overwhelmed with everything in life, I’m in the middle of a move, my work is insane, my car is broke and I’m just trying to keep my head above water.
I am confident in my ability to stay away from alcohol, but the deep guilt of poor decisions made in the past keep throwing me for a loop.
Anyways staying strong and trying my best to keep my food, rest and water intake up.
Thanks everyone!
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Is there anything you need to get off ur chest? Ive done that many times also. Usually i erase my novels after writing them in a highly emotional state. Thinking it may be too much for everyone here. But i always find writing it in a diff way, still allows me to get stuff out. Which is important. We are all here to support one another 
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Huge congratulations on 6 months!!! Way to go 
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Oh no Jenny 
im so sorry ur going thru this right now. Sending u so much strength. Lean on us for support if u need hugs
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