Staying busy with work and the kiddos. I’m still doing the sober things. I’m feeling exhausted tonight. Don’t have a lot of energy.
Weird dreams don’t stop. Had a dream my 5 year old was being molested by my wife’s nephew. I started beating him to a pulp. I woke up for a moment, and I was still heated. My heart was pounding. Couldn’t go back to sleep. Brought back some old memories. Idk, there’s something about my wife’s nephew that I don’t like. Something’s off about him. Some years ago, before we had our second child, we let our eldest spend that night at their aunt’s, and the nephew made a weird comment about my kid. Maybe I’m overthinking shit. Who knows. Maybe it’s due to my past trauma.
Anyway, went back to sleep, and had another fucked up dream. I was back in my childhood apartment as a child. I was about to go to sleep in my parents’ room and saw some weird demon figure in the shadows. My mom said not to move because it was right behind the closet door. Got the chills and snapped out of it. Woke up sweating. Had another flashback of my childhood. When I was little, I had a nightmare in that apartment. I was playing in the kitchen with my hotwheels. My parent’s bedroom door was open, and I saw this demonic looking lady pop her head out of the closet. She came after me and started suffocating me with a pillow. I tried yelling for help, but my brothers and sisters couldn’t hear me. I felt paralyzed. I woke up for a moment and still felt paralyzed. It was my first time experiencing sleep paralysis and I was only 5 or 6 years old. I remember waking up crying, and my parents just yelled at me to go back to sleep. It really fucked with me.
Well, that’s all from me. Gonna hit the hay.
I hope everyone’s doing well. Goodnite, ODAAT Take care.
Checking in again. Still sober. Things are ok, I certainly have a lot to be grateful for, I try to remember that. Anxiety is a little bad, I’m always afraid that anytime things are going ok for too long that something is lurking around the corner. Feeling a little lonely again lately too.
I need a haircut.
Idk what else to say I’m just bored and lonely.
Oh, I let my diet go and stopped working out when that girl stopped talking to me and I’m real pissed I lost some progress. Got to get back on track but damn if hot pockets and potato chips aren’t addictive too. Anyway I shouldn’t complain. I’m working full time, I’m safe, I have family I’m so incredibly fortunate for that.
Love to all the rest of you. Hope all of you are well.
It’s my day off, but in a moment a guy is arriving to take apart my heating/hot water apparatus, replace some vital part and hopefully put it all back together and have it working again. Might take all day. It is what it is. I slept ok, the cat is fed, I’m going to hurry and make another cup of coffee before I have no more running water.
Work yesterday was OK, even when the whole atmosphere feels a bit off lately. Too many new colleagues and not all of them really nice. Well. There’s opportunities elsewhere. No rushing though. One day at a time as in all. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean of course. Love from my little square.
*Day 2213
Work went fine yesterday if I take the time to sit down ones in a while and I did.
Having some irritations about some new rules at work wich sound unfair to me. A higher staff member opened my personal locker without my aproove. I made me mad. They opened everyones locker. It pissed me off and now I removed all my private stuff out of it and took it home. They can have my “private” locker.
Today? Having the day off so going to chill a bit: reading and maybe some Lego stuff.
Have a good sober day ore night all
And for the TS members in Florida: stay safe
Eek, I’m still awake at 2:11am! It’s ok I’m getting to be a pro at coping. I made coffee, added pumpkin spice creamer, then I’ll have a sugar crash at 4 and sleep till 7. Or I’ll stay up. Been going through a lot of ‘processing’; coming to terms and peace with some things. I won’t get too discouraged. It’s up and down a lot lately.
Feeling a bit sorry for myself today, I’ve got a virus of some kind .sneezing ,head and neck pain and coughing up nasty bacteria like stuff. plus my body pain from the gym class is now feeling 100 times worse . Wishing my dad was still on earth today ,he was great when I was Sick he’d touch my forehead an say “your not well love stay in bed and I’ll make you some breakfast . never mind it is what it is .I’m grateful I listened to my body yesterday when it told me I needed to be at home. I’ll stay in again today🤒
Hey here i go again ugh up at 1am meatloaf turned out ok i feel it needed more seasoning. But dad liked it. Thats all that matters. I figured i would read little bit and try to go back to sleep. I have decided to give this so called place earth or what ever people want to call our world one last chance. With all the stuff on the news . Wow is this real that great of a place to be i know i should be grateful for having missiles shot at me or over on this side or hurricanes weeping through 100 mph winds destroying towns nowhere near that it’s just raining here but it’s sad
Things have been hard to define lately, lots of emotions and realisations. It’s a good thing, but has left me pretty low. I’ve done some major internal work the past few weeks with my course and on my self development and me being me just steam rollered into doing everything, all at once. I’m learning about family constellations and internal family systems and self compassion through personal inventory and self made masks. It’s a lot to turn up and deal with. I’ve written letters and lists and journal style exercises, and through repetition of themes I have noticed and identified that I have a major blockage around safety and security. I have never felt safe around people, so I devise many coping mechanisms. Having that knowledge is good, but dealing with it is daunting. I need to hold dear compassion and self manage safety and grounding and practice trust, but inside I just wanted to run away again. I stopped visiting here for a couple of days and in my head made up shit about people and events and words that would keep me away from connection and this community. Honestly, tiring. Self gaslighting is Room 101 shit.
I do also think that I was asleep deprived and low key sick as the neck pains and headache were very real and there for almost a week. Chesty/heady feeling as well. I woke with no headache today for the first time this month. Woo hoo. My Dr gave me some pills as a trial for sleep that are non addictive and I’m sleeping a bit better. Someone needs to tell my kittens that when they turn one on the 16th October that they are big boys now and need to sleep through the night
When shit gets hard I know I need to fight to stay in reality and the moment and not flee the scene. But I’ve always fled the scene so it’s new ground for me. It’s shocking how I can turn apathetic towards cherished people and things at the drop of a hat. I realise that is my protection mechanism towards things being taken away, so I generally just drop the thing first and disassociate.
I’m here and I’m sober. Also one day off vapes… So the crank is real. I’m going to weight lifting class at noon and then completing some job interview work. I have an application due in the 23/10. I am then planning a spin class at 6pm and have my Inner You live session at 8pm tonight and will sleep straight afterwards. Step by step little grasshopper.
@19801 Sorry to hear you are not feeling well. Hope the virus leaves you quickly and lets you get on with the nicer parts of you life soon @Lighter Sorry to hear your nights are more adventurous than you’d like them to be. Lack of sleep makes every brain mushy. Maybe your body thinks it’s in Europe Hope your sleep gets sorted out soon. @SoberWalker Would have gotten pretty pissed with the locker situation myself. What do I need a locker at work for, if it is not a private space? It’s a privacy violation. Thanks for sharing this extremely comfy looking cat picture. Brightened my dreary weather day significantly @Mno Hope your heater situation gets sorted out quickly. Could be usefull in the days to come @FoxMcCloud Sorry to hear anxiety is giving you trouble. As for the haircut, I have an appointment today and I usually feel better after that. So maybe you could try that as a self care thing @GOKU2019 Sounds like your night was not really refreshing. Sorry to hear that. All those nightmares in a row would linger on me through the day. Hope all that passes soon. Maybe watch some Dragon Ball to relax @jbaldwin84 Thanks for sharing this important event in your life with us
323 sugar
187 UPF
61 gluten
61 dairy
My daughter’s migraine got better yesterday evening, and now it got worse again. Patience.
Did today’s groceries, the weather is giving me a headache aswell. I’m going to work on more scenes for my game, have an appointment to get my hair cut in the afternoon. Some errands, relaxing yoga later.
I co-hosted a Dharma meeting yesterday night and tonight is my usual meeting.
Today’s picture is one of the many side arms of the river Oder/Odra in my hometown of Wrocław I visited this summer.
Whatever comes, I’ll go for peace and love for life
Feeling a bit off lately again. As if in third person perspective, more negativity than usual and just wanting space. A lot has happened this week, and I feel like it’s time for me to hit the road again… This weekend I’ve got a mini camping excursion planned with some friends I made at the hostel, before I intend to continue my roadtrip next monday. Seen and got everything important sorted in the city! I haven’t found anyone to travel the next leg with, haven’t tried FB yet, but I wouldn’t mind anyway tbh, if there’s one thing I’ve missed being in the city hostel, other than nature, it’s freedom to meditate, workout and play guitar, and I look forward to really incorporating them again without having to consider others… Maybe that’s part of the stress.
Glad I checked in actually, last time I decided to go for a jog and I think I’ll do that right now again, good idea
I might check in later again, stay mindful and sober friends!
That’s a lot of steps you’re taking at the same time dear friend! I admire you for all the work you do. Be sure to not overdo stuff. Rome wasn’t build in a day and all that. And not vaping too! Excellent work but take some time to relax as well. Big hugs.
BTW, me myself I’m just realizing and understanding better and better how I use negativism and pessimism as a bad coping mechanism in my life. When I expect everything to fail beforehand, I can’t be disappointed too right? And now to do something about it…
@Tragicfarinelli Hugs for you and appreciation for your honesty and your introspection.
For taking the small steps, you sure have a lot to do today, a lot of it sounds very nice. I hope it ends up being a good day for you.
It was good to read your post. I’m glad your headaches gone.
Big hugs and good sincere thoughts.
Take care.
I’m getting to be a pro at coping. I made coffee, added pumpkin spice creamer, then I’ll have a sugar crash at 4 and sleep till 7. Or I’ll stay up. Been going through a lot of ‘processing’; coming to terms and peace with some things. I won’t get too discouraged. It’s up and down a lot lately.
Hope your sleep gets sorted out soon.
