Thank you. That means a lot 
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Hey. I’m realising I’m never ever happy relaxing unless I’ve ‘earned it’. This can be a ridiculous long walk, service to others, muscles that ache so much that I can’t move or absolute depression or illness. So when I’m in a severe slump I activate a total black nothingness because to be ‘in between’ ok and not isn’t an option, it’s a forbidden place where I’m worthless. Polarity is my MO. I suspect it’s that ‘not good enough’ critic banging it’s drum again. The trick now (for both of us) is to listen to what purpose that critic served and to appease them and let them know “it’s ok, we got this, calm down”. Hugs back.
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Thank you! I’m so happy to have made it! Now just worrying about family in Florida. But it’s out of my control, so I’ll hope for the best.
I’m going to try to get a few more hours of sleep.
Happy soberversary to me 
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Yay you!!! Happy Soberversary friend!!!
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Happy Thursday!!
Another morning waking up without a hangover and its nice. I REALLY love not shaking uncontrollably haha.
Going back through the steps and now ready for the 5th. Its nice to revisit them.
Day 4 of 30 without caffeine. No headaches just slugish. It will pass.
Make it an awesome sober day my friends!!
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Day 330. That 333 will be nice when it hits. Maybe i can get 333.33 lol. Coming up on 11 months which is pretty awesome, looking forward to my girls coming this weekend. So far for i havent noticed anything crazy with the med reduction. Work is going, i did ask my boss the other day for some clarification on why im being moved all over so much. Didnt really get a solid response but i atleast know its not bc im not doing well. Probably gonna get a ride in after work. Much love
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Checking in. Not much going on the past few days. I’ve been pretty busy at work, which makes the days go much quicker. Bowling league last night - i did ok, nothing fantastic but still had a lot of fun. I have family in Florida. A couple live where the hurricane made landfall. Haven’t heard anything from them yet. The others are a little south of that. They made it through with minimal damage. Hopefully we’ll hear from everyone soon.
I’m having a little bit of a lazy morning since i don’t have to be at work early. Unfortunately, i think all my neighbors are blowing leaves so it’s not very peaceful.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day 
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Checking in day 5. Finally felling better. Spending the day journaling, working out and playing with my grandson. Have a great day everyone.
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@Laner your annual party sounds very special 🩵 
I’m glad you arrived safely 
@Raspberry congrats on 2+ weeks AF 
@Pamela welcome back
@Mischa84 ugh, that sounds truly awful, he sounds so immature with his toxic abuse 
I hope things have settled down by now. Sending you strength 🩵
@Just_Laura that sounds so frustrating re your insurance! I hope you hear something asap 
congrats on 600+ days those dreams sound awful
@Juli1 congrats on 250+ days
@JennyH I am so sorry 
@Tragicfarinelli sending strength 🩵 I wish depression would FRO! Sounds like you are doing a lot of inner work
@Frank68 I hope the caffeine quit is going well
@Sabrina80 it’s good to read from you congrats on 2+ years 
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@Vanessa8 congrats on 6+ months
@PositiveThoughts welcome back
@Timetochange I’m sorry about the squirrel 
@Timbuk congrats on 50+ days sorry about your cat 
@justKaitlin congrats on triple digits 
and on your sober wedding 
@Mira_D right!? Thank you
@Mno sorry about all the wild dreams and wake-ups I’m glad you still feel rested atleast
@Dvantran welcome to the checking-in thread
@Lizziebeth congrats on 2+ weeks
@Twizzlers I hope your physio appointment went okay
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@Seb sending you strength and wishing you the best as you navigate this 🩵
@Bomdhil welcome back, congrats on your week+
@Lighter congrats on all the 2s
@GOKU2019 Woah, those are some messed up dreams, I’m sorry for those and the way your parents reacted when you were younger 🩵
@19801 feel better soon 🩵
@residentevil congrats on 6 months
@Scorpn congrats on 2 years
1521 days no alcohol.
986 days no cocaine.
16 days no binge-eating.
Therapy Monday. I spent most of the session talking about my size and how I fear my eating is slowly killing me, as it’s getting harder and harder to breathe the bigger I get. She could hear how bad my breathing was for the whole 50mins session. The ADHD psychiatrist said he thinks I have Metabolic Syndrome from all the psychotropic meds I’m on (7). From researching it says that to lose weight I’d need weight-loss medications or surgery. So I’m going to wait for a copy of his letter, then make an appointment to see my GP. He also said I should be under the care of a psychiatrist to review my meds. I asked for this in Summer’23 but the psych I saw refused to listen to anything I tried to say and just said the risks to my mental health if I came off or reduced them, outweighed any benefits, but I disagree. I’ve been on these meds for 10.5 years, and although my MH is still in a very bad way, I’d quite like to see how I’d feel without them, because I suspect they aren’t working anyway.
At the end of my therapy session I said I want to start talking about the deeper stuff, because that’s what I’m there for, but I said I didn’t know how to. She said for me to think about the child that got left behind after the abuse started. My body and brain reacted badly to that which made me want to eat and eat and eat, but I didn’t.
Yesterday I went for a 1:1 walk with the Safe Soulmates voluteer, I took my swan and duck food so we fed some water birds and did a walk around a lake.
Today, I’m just happy to have caught-up here. I’ve done a lot of meditations and will do some more, and read a chapter of the book I’m reading. Maybe some audiobook too. There’s 3 episodes I’m behind on for the programs I’m watching, but I haven’t watched them since I stopped bingeing so I’m not sure when I’ll get to those.
Tomorrow is Friday therapy, I booked more expensive train tickets, and this time I have seat reservations both ways. I’m already anxious that i might need to politely ask people to move if they are sat there.
I ran out of likes whilst catching-up after 4 days.
🩵
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This is a very long day. I did not sleep at all. So strange. Haven’t had that in a while. Treating it like being sick. Ordered groceries. Laying low.
Thank you @acromouse I’ll have to go to sleep on Euro time as well! 
. That will be…umm…4pm? I just might do it
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Day 11 - working is soooo insane. Taking a week off to take care of personal stuff, move, car and family commitments. Just focused on putting together a solid OOTO doc for my colleague and getting through the day.
One thing I know is that I literally cannot drink, I would not be able to handle this pressure otherwise. Taking care of business
Therapy tomorrow
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Day 1391,
Had my last session with my schema therapist. Went there for about three years with ups and downs. Feels strange, didn’t want to show my emotions to much, might write her a letter with some chocolate next week. Writing works well if I do it 
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Checking in day 5. Felt awful yesterday, so anxious & scared. Feel a little better today but I know it’s going to be up and down over these next few months. Can’t wait to be out of the dark! The anxiety is horrible, had some wild dreams. Just hope I will be ok. Got a plan for a meeting im going to go to and going to really get into it properly this time, as I know if I get this chance it will be my very last chance! Wishing everyone a peaceful sober day 
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Loved this post @CATMANCAM ! Grateful for your openness 
I personally try to stear clear of medications as much as possible, not only to avoid dependency and potential side-effects (especially when in quantity) but also because I believe in the placebo effect and that our minds have much more influence over things than we think (often having the power to ‘convince’ ourselves into feeling sick or better…). You’ll know more than anyone if reducing or even coming off meds improves or worsens things, I feel like you underestimate yourself my friend… 
I sometimes don’t know how to express my deeper stuff, it feels so personal and makes me feel vulnerable, but I found with my psychologist (who I no longer see) that unconditional honesty was what I needed, as scary as it felt… Of course each one of our stories is unique, so will take unique approaches to work through, but they can be! Learn to forgive, accept, embrace and yes, even love yourself for a start because you ARE worthy! We just don’t realize our potential…! 
Your walk yesterday reminds me of my jog today, as I went to destress a bit, and part of it was along a river where there were lots of ducks and other birds sleeping along the edge, cute to see, was nice…
I’m looking forward to getting back to meditating more regularly, I can really feel the benefits and mental clarity when I do, helping set the tone for the day. Especially when combined with some exercise. Even when I’m not in the mood, once I’ve started I find myself wanting to finish, and feel a shift in mood by the end. I also enjoy listening to audios, mostly on self-help, philosophy and interesting stuff like space… I don’t read though, although I’d like to get back into it.
Thought I’d share a visualization video I used to like, maybe you will too 
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4EaMJOo1jks&pp=ygUrcG93ZXJ0aG91Z2h0cyBtZWRpdGF0aW9uIGNsdWIgdmlzdWFsaXphdGlvbg%3D%3D
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Thank you for sharing this!
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Day 970
Woke up super late today but STILL managed to get my son fed and ready for school before the bus came. I did my morning recovery routine and then went to the gym. Just winding down now, typing this while im on the recumbent bike. Had a good workout 
Then off to the grocery store and then home to tidy up. Today so far as been a good day. Prayer has really been making a HUGE impact in my life. Im finding that i have a greater sense of joy in my life, even with whats going on that normally would create a lot of anxiety. Im very thankful and feel very blessed that this financial situation brought me closer to God and to my recovery habits. Have a fantastic thursday everyone!
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Day 2393. 5 months tobacco free. Fun day this morning at work. We are changing the flavoring of some of our bacons…today I fried up some of the new Garlic Jalepeno Bacon…it was pretty good. Any day i get paid to cook and eat bacon is a pretty good day.
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Today is 17months no alcohol
I houestly cant believe it but its here
Then its 27 days completely vlean and sober
Im reading the big book
Underlining what i understand and relate to
Im maintaining life 
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