Wow its beautiful weather here in Massachusetts usa. Nice and cool with a orange fall sun. Completely brings me back to teenage hood. I smoked so much pot in my teens. I feel like it was all just a moment ago. Im so happy to enjoy life sober feeling everything i couldnt feel while i was getting high. No anger now, no anxiety now, no blurr now. Just enjoying the now
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@acromouse They usually take ājustā a day. And when I take a pill right away, I am not in pain, I just have to rest. Luckily they are rare for me, I am grateful for that!
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@Mischa84 Sorry you are feeling so crummy. I think the only time you have for yourself is early in the morning before everyone gets up.
Your three little minions are a gift and the fact that you ran the ten miles without having any practice time is a huge accomplishment. I think you liked your running time when you had the literal time. Is there anyway you could fit in run time? Also you sure looked pretty in that new dress which I think was the black patterned one. ( I never commented ) Take Care. Drinking is just going to make you a drunk regretful Mischa doing everything youāre happy to be away from. Drinking wonāt help. Quiet meditation or run could help. Youāre not alone. And perhaps you already feel better and I havenāt seen the replies.
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Thank you my dear @Mno @JazzyS @Rob11 @Alisa, and generally all on this forum cause reading here always help. I think the worst is over. I went to the shop with the thought Iām gonna buy a bottle. But I didnāt. Instead I bought shitload of junkfood, I binged, now I feel disgusting but at least I donāt crave alcohol anymore. My stomach is so fullā¦ Mentally Iām a bit better too. I am feeling overwhelmed quite often lately but first time I almost gave up on my sobriety. Iām so tired of being on a duty 24/7. On days like.this I wish I would be single and with no kids. I feel that I waste my life. I lost my friends. I am with a guy that many days I donāt even like. Iām in a country where I have no family and no close friends. I donāt have time for some good conversation even on a phone or video call. And when I have, I donāt even know with who and about what I could talk. Everything and everybody bore me. Im lonely. Iām stuck. Iām bored. You gonna say everything can be changed. Yeah, well, itās not so easy. Or is it? I donāt fucking know anymore. Probably I am a problem. I am boring and antisocial.
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Day 313
I almost fckd up yesterday. I received very good news while doing grocery shopping and felt this crazy strong need to celebrate with a bottle of wine. I got myself some chocolate instead and ran out of the store, but I was SO close to caving in and that scared meā¦ Time for daily check-ins. I was doing really well but Iām also taking my sobriety for granted. I need to work on it. This craving was bizar, I really donāt want to drink! 
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I think you are wonderful wonderful person. How do I know this because I see what you write and I see your pictures. I have lots of admiration for you. Right now I think you are in a rut. Overwhelmed, in a rut and wondering how things are going to get better.
Iām glad youāre talking about this and really glad that you didnāt buy that alcohol. Consider checking out the meditation thread and listening to some of the Insight Timer that they listen to over there. Itās a few minutes of relaxation. Or just in your mind before you go to sleep for a minute or two consciously relax your body. I know you donāt have any time, one step at a time and you will get through this. Remember, you are important and you are worthy. Youāre a wonderful good friend to the people here on this site which Iām sure you are out there in your real life. you might not have people that you see on a regular basis I understand that and I understand your family is in another country. It makes it hard.
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Yeah, some dreams are weird af. Sorry about your pops and that dream. Iām glad you had a great relationship with him. Canāt say the same about my dad. He was a piece of shit. Canāt remember the last time I talked to him. I believe dreams are triggered by something we saw or read, like a movie, or a documentary, or something online. Our brains record a lot of shit. Idk, Iām no expert, though.
Sorry about your fuck it moment. I had a lot of fuck it moments myself. Iāve been following the same routine daily. Staying busy with work and the kids. Life is stressful. I totally feel ya. Why the hell Iām I still sober? Iām only in my 30s, I should be out there having fun. People started their journeys late. I should wait till Iām older. I felt more alive when I was drinking. This is pointless. I have to stop and think about all the reasons why I quit. Do I really I want to go back to those dark times? I caused a lot of damage during my drunken moments. I never want to go through that again or anyone here. Being outdoors and going for walks relieves some stress. Find something that works for you. Life wasnāt meant to be easy. We gotta live and learn. Take care.
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Mid-day check in.
The universe is gracious to me. Things are going very well this week, and Iām feeling awesome. Iāve watched beautiful sunrises while enjoying tasty coffee at work every morning this week, and getting lots done.
My biggest challenge at the moment is that the hours are flying by too quickly.
I have to pack for my daughter and i for a trip on Monday night, and Iām honestly wondering where the time to do that is going to come from. We may actually need a babysitter for a few hours just for that.
I need to breathe deep and unwind later tonight when the demands on my time and effort take a pause.
Happy Friday to you!
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Checking in day 6. Today has been a little stressful and I feel exhausted. Went to the pub with friends yesterday, but didnāt drink and had no intention to. I do wish I could have a couple of glasses of wine to unwind after work with friends. But I know I canāt. History has told me whilst I can sometimes have a few sensible drinks, at some point down the line, maybe in a few weeks, maybe in a few months, it ALWAYS ends in chaos and destruction. Iām reminding myself this every time a tiny bit of my brain says well you could just have one, and I ask myself āIs this what you want?ā - Itās not. Iām not putting myself in the position Iāve been in after my most recent drinking session ever again and if that means missing out on some things then thatās what Iāll have to do. I would rather be sat at home on the couch with my dog, than anxious, ashamed after a destructive night of drinking and fearing what the consequences of my actions will be. Got to keep that in mind. Remind myself Iāve been given a chance here & I have to take it. Iām an idiot if I donāt and it will only end one way. Really keen to get into a good AA program, as I know I need some support in this. Got a meeting planned and whilst Iām a bit scared Iām also looking forward to it.
Happy Friday everyone 
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Day 971
Afternoon TS fam! Todays been such a nice day so far. Feeling very grateful 
I did a huge grocery shop this morning. Got everything we needed for a nice Thanksgiving dinner this monday, plus the usual items we need every grocery shop. We are having steak with loaded baked potatoes, steamed veg, and pumpkin pie for dessert for Thanksgiving dinner. I cant wait! Once i put everything away, i walked over to Booster Juice for a smoothie and then home to do some self care. I didnt go to the gym today and Im actually okay with that. Had a nice hot shower instead, did a face mask, did my skin care routine, and a little makeup. I feel like a million bucks! Now just to wait until my boy comes home at around 1230pm. Thats about it for my day 
Hope everyones Friday is going well!
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Mischa, youāre such a strong person dealing with such a difficult situation, itās normal to have fuck it moments. Iām so glad you didnāt drink tho. Youāve made so many positive changes lately and however bad youāre feeling now, a hangover would only make it worse. Youāre doing great, donāt doubt yourself. 
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Checking in on Day 21. Life is quite hard at the moment but I am staying very strong in my sobriety. I am sticking around here a lot in the day, just not feeling up to writing much. Thank you all for sharing
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Im not sure i can have much great wisdom or advice. Specially when were in those moments i feel sometimes the last thing you want from anyone is advice. But i do know the feeling and related very well when i was in collegeā¦ everything felt boring or like i had to much work, and when i got that money i was off to the races. All i can say is we may have these feelings but i know all to well when we act on them and do those things it really doesnt feel anywhere as good as we thought. The drinking will not make anything youāre wanting it to make feel better, feel better. Some nice self care might help, maybe one of your cool plunges? A nice bite to eat, a nice cool actual refreshing drink? But yuck i promise alcohol will not make it feel better. I believe you know this too. But im always here if you need to chat girl keep ahead and take it a little at a time.
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I have much respect for you
Keep posting please
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Quick evening check in! 
Iāve come home from a 12-hour shift. Busy day at work, we had an event that included a free cocktail with drinks and snacks. My boss asked me to attend the drinks table, so Iāve basically been serving wine and beer for the last 3 hours! Here I am, as an alcoholic in sobriety forum, and I just served 30 bottles of wine to aprox 55 persons attending the eventā¦ 
Itās 10:15 pm, and tomorrow at 8:00 am I have the next event (tournament), so itās gonna be bed time for me soon! 
@Mischa84 im sorry youāre going through some rough times, I can identify with quite some stuff that you write (being a loner, feeling lonely and boring, even though thatās probably not the case!) Sending you a big hug! 
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Out of pure linguistic interest and only if youāre willing to tell us: what language is that?
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@Mischa84 - I am really sorry to read that you are struggling so badly at the moment. Thinking of ways we/I could be of supportā¦ I donāt know much about why and how you ended up living in The Netherlands, but if you ever come up against a local/cultural brick wall and you just need to talk about it, I am here for you and I am sure the other Dutchies on the forum are too! Hope that helps a little bit 
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Sorry friend. I do relate to this and it can be a huge source of feeling isolated and alone. Sending hugs your way. So grateful you did not buy a bottle. I too opt for the junk food binge in this type of moment. We donāt know how quickly that first sip will unravel. Stay connected friend. Hoping you find some time to practice self care
@Naomi funny how are kinda go into thinking out doc is whatās needed to celebrate, to grieve, to socializeā¦etc. such bullshit wowlven into our core mentality as society normalizes drinking. Grateful you are diligently working on your sobriety and seeing the sign to connect more. To stay on top of these cravings/ urges. ODAAT 
@Pamela almost that 1 week my milestone 
ā¦look forward to celebrating with you tomorrow. Great work on staying sober and remembering that one drink is all it takes to get back to full blown addiction. Itās scary how quickly that one becomes so much more. I keep that reminder with me always cause I know that even after 21+ months that one drink will have me back in that dark addiction within weeks.b I donāt think I have the energy to go through early recovery again and this keeps me from picking up.
@Butterflymoonwoman sounds like you are getting ready for a great feast. Excited that Thanksgiving weekend is here. Wishing you and yours a wonderful Thanksgiving
@JennyH 3 weeks is amazing work I know you are dealing with a lot and I canāt imagine the emotional rollercoaster you must be going through. Here for you Jenny. Hang in there and keep working your sobrietyā¦ sending strength and love 
@Juli1 much love back to you! Therapy might be a great idea. Hope you find a good therapist that you can click with. I find it helpful to get a different perspective from a third party to help us unravel all the trauma we have hidden for so long
@Jesile ughā¦ sorry you are having to serve alcohol. Glad you have little time between shifts so all you have time for us sleep. Remember why you are on this path. Donāt let the addict brain try and convince you that these people are enjoying drinking and doing well. Stat connected friend another 24 hours of sobriety
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@JazzyS I hope your health will improve eventually day 10, double digits after this dry time is like a oasis.
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