@Mischa84 I feel you. I felt this way most of the summer since my daughter’s father went to jail. Overwhelmed to the point where those thoughts did surface again, and how easy it could be to just forget it all. That’s why I’m here everyday to remind myself why I’m here in the first place, and remember where I was. I’m proud of you for getting on and telling us how you feel. As hard as this is to believe with everything you’ve got going on right now, it helped me when I accepted it. A mother to a mother…it is okay to do nothing sometimes. Especially when you need to. Make time for nothing, and you’ll get more done
Also…
You’re not single, which means you shouldn’t have to be on duty 24/7
604
Today was pretty good, considering I didn’t sleep too well again. It was cold this morning but turned into a gorgeous day, which made work good since there were more golfers out there. My only complaint is that my eyes have been SOOO itchy the past couple days I just washed my face and rubbed them for a straight minute. I think it’s the wind blowing everything around. Oh! And the fact that I got a voicemail from that insurance lady while I was at work and didn’t even have a missed call! How does that even work?! By the time I heard it, she was already out of her office for the day. Probably til Tuesday bc Monday is Columbus day Which reminds me, tomorrow is my mom’s birthday(the true Columbus day). I should’ve picked something up for her when I was out earlier. Dangit! Welp, now I’m watching the new Garfield movie with my daughter. Pretty exciting
Hey just here tonight not trying to do anything but in the back of my head is telling me to go do something being a humit isn’t going to get you whete you meet anyone . New and i tell myself and im not getting hurt nomore either by not letting anyone new in fact is i feeling lonely and just want to be done. Give up on everything and disappear. Idk have a night night made it another day clean yay lol. Just another day to feel and not be numb with life sorry just not seeing change in good ways this day. Ok im out . (Odaat)
Checking in late on Friday evening. I can’t remember if i checked in earlier today. I had a really busy day at work. Im definitely ready for 2 days off. My new refrigerator got delivered this afternoon. I love it and it fits and matches perfectly. This is evening, my husband and i went to a haunted cavern, trail and hayride. They have been doing it for years and it always draws big crowds. I decided to get us tickets because we keep saying we want to do more things. It was so much fun. A zombie guy scared the crap out of me as soon as we got out of the car. I was in the front for the whole tour, so i got scared a lot. It was pretty warm and a beautiful evening to be outside. The actors put a lot of work into it and were so dedicated. We have plans to go to a haunted warehouse next weekend. We went last year and had a blast. Tomorrow morning we’re planning to head out on an early hike. We’re trying to spend as much time as we can outside before it gets stupid cold. Well im off to bed so i can get some rest for tomorrow’s hike.
Worked, took the little man to the park, watched a baseball game, and chillin at the pad right now. Gonna watch a show or something.
My friend invited us to his house Sunday to watch the Chargers game. But idk. Don’t feel like making the drive. It’s like 2 hours from here. We used to chill every other weekend when he lived nearby. We had some bad drunken nights together. Drunk me would’ve gone up to visit him, no questions asked. Just not feeling it anymore.
Got the Saturday shift tomorrow, and then we’re heading to my sister’s boyfriend’s bday dinner.
My new work is week about to begin. It’s a bit early for me this morning. All the more so since I dreamed about work as well. Sort of. But will make do. One day at a time.
Therapy was good, even when the therapist had lost her voice. We didn’t do emdr. We did talk. I’m not ready to stop seeing her but maybe a but less next year, and I’m searching for some additional (trauma) therapy next to the talking we do. Something more body orientated. A lot of it is so damned floaty though, just like many of the therapists that offer it. Well. That shouldn’t stop me and maybe it’s just an excuse not to try at all.
So let’s go. But work first. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean or nothing will come from it. Love.
315 days
Working in the morning. Assisting on a training course, Saturday so it was a half day.
Then had a couple errands to run.
Home to cook dinner before I headed out for some conditioning/cardio training with the team.
Home now, kids are home after their sleepover at Nanas. Wife should be home any minute from work.
Another sober day in the bank.
Checking in after an icebath of 3 minutes at 6 degree. Shower. Now hairdresser.
Mind is a bit clearer.
Afraid therapy with a human won’t work.
Thanks ice tub, thanks nature for cooling it more down. Now it starts making sence
@Pamela I’m in same situation as you. It’s day 20 for me. I managed to drink civilized for months, thought I can handle this and then slipped to my old habits. I have to accept this is what I am, I am not going to change.
@Just_Laura@Jesile@JazzyS@Mindofsobermike@GOKU2019@Dirk@Amy30@Noshame@Alisa
Thank you, thank you, thank you guys
It was so damn close. When I feel so low and I vent here I really feel took care of. I feel like you care even though we really dont know each other. Or actually maybe we do. We know a lot about each other cause here we feel safe to talk about things we dont tell anyone else. At least i do.
Yesterday I went to sleep very early, together with kids. I set alarm at 6am and went for a run. I absolutely needed it.
I will take it easy today. Husband is at work. I think we gonna watch some Disney movie soon. This will give me some 1.5h break from all that chaos Maybe cold water fun. Some walk/playground trip. Just not let myself go into that dark shithole i was in yesterday.
Making this post takes ages cause all the time im getting disturbed and losing the flow Gonna take a break now. I wanted to write more but its impossible, i dont even remember anymore half of it. Just wanted to let you know I’m fine and very grateful for all of you
It’s the fact that we can do it sometimes that draws me back in. But yes, if your history is anything like mine, ultimately it always ends the same way at some point. And I’m sick of myself just repeating the same cycle. Ever since I started drinking at 15/16 it’s been the same. I’m in my 30s now. Always had the tenancy to take it to the extreme! It has to end now! Congrats on your 20 days! We can do this, & we will!
@Pamela yep, the sometimes part is what makes it hard. Our history with alcohol seems to be the same. I started drinking when I was 17 or 18 and I’m about your age. I don’t know how many times I’ve relapsed.
Yes we can do this sis!
Yes same. The first time I tried to quit I was about 26. I think I gave up for 6 months and then gradually convinced myself I was ok to drink again. Then after this I’ve had about 5-6 periods where I’ve tried to stop again for a few months at a time. And then each time, same story, I convince myself that I can now drink sensibly. And sometimes I do for a few months, but ultimately at some point ends in disaster! Wish I had just learnt the first time! Would have saved myself and others a lot of upset! But here we are. And now I really do feel that I just can never drink again & I need to be really careful that I don’t let that voice convince me otherwise! Nice to have someone in a similar situation here, let’s keep eachother accountable!
@Mischa84 I am so very glad to hear you are feeling better and your mind is out of the ‘fuck it’-zone. I also am very glad that you turned to us in your time of need and vented. You chose community before addiction. Great job @Climbin You made it through another day clean. That is a win. Getting used to feeling after all the numbing is a ton of work. Sorry to hear you are not feeling good right now. Anything there you could do for self care? @Bomdhil Doulbe digits. Nice @Jesile Tough work you have. Hope you got a good night’s rest. @JennyH Congrats on three weeks! Sending hugs your way @Butterflymoonwoman Your self care routine sounds very nice @Pamela Good job on staying away from drinks in the pub. Usually it stresses people out to be around their DOC so early in recovery. If this is the case for you, you might want to avoid people and places that are connected to your use.
Also good to hear you are going to join a recovery program. I was scared to join at first too. The first time I logged into an online meeting I got so scared of all the faces, I imediately disconnected Now I attend several of them a week and host one regullarly. It takes time to feel good around new people. @Naomi Well done on getting out of the store on time @Timbuk I hope your migraine went away and you are enjoying your day
325 sugar
189 UPF
63 gluten
63 dairy
It has been quite a while since I experienced any food related cravings. Yesterday at game night there were the usual snacks - sweets and crisps and whatnot. For the first time in a long while I experienced cravings when I saw others eating that stuff. And I was afraid to relive the experience of my cravings and my addiction overpowering me, of loosing control to my addiction. It did not happen, my recovering self was stronger - it just new that all that craving comes from hormonal changes -and the addict did not have much to add. It tried to sell my some fantasy of using, but it did not work. But you know what they say: Your addiction is in the backyard doing pushups and waiting to score against you.
Today is travel prep day. I’ll be leaving for autumn vacation tomorrow in the early morning. So today I need to pack stuff, prepare food, do all the last minute stuff before leaving the flat. My daughter is going to go in a trip with her dad the day after. So we are all in prep mode.
I hope to get some yoga and maybe a meeting in the evening.
Today’s picture is a bike full of barnacles fished out from one of the canals in Rotterdam this summer.
Whatever comes I’ll go for peace and love for life today
We are all different people but with 1 similarity, to stay sober and quit addictions for the better
My wife can feel very similar to you. She says she feels like a wife and mom and nothing else and completely lost who she really is as a individual so any advice about this would be really really appreciated
Take care and haveca fun day today. I think fun is the key?
80s yesterday and just 70 today. I think its good because I can use every type of clothing in a day and get my moneys worth. Coat, then shorts, then long sleeve shirt… haha
Day 6 no caffeine and doing as good as can be expected. Nobody had been hurt yet lol!
Just back from body combat and strength training. 2 hour classes is exactly what I needed today to get myself pumped and ready to kick ass. Three days off the vape now as well, I wanted to fold on that yesterday but I didn’t. Ready to eat everything in the place now and enjoy some football. London is blue .
I just washed my face and rubbed them for a straight minute. I think it’s the wind blowing everything around. Oh! And the fact that I got a voicemail from that insurance lady while I was at work and didn’t even have a missed call! How does that even work?! By the time I heard it, she was already out of her office for the day. Probably til Tuesday bc Monday is Columbus day 
Which reminds me, tomorrow is my mom’s birthday(the true Columbus day). I should’ve picked something up for her when I was out earlier. Dangit! Welp, now I’m watching the new Garfield movie with my daughter. Pretty exciting 
Maybe cold water fun. Some walk/playground trip. Just not let myself go into that dark shithole i was in yesterday.
Gonna take a break now. I wanted to write more but its impossible, i dont even remember anymore half of it. Just wanted to let you know I’m fine and very grateful for all of you 
Now I attend several of them a week and host one regullarly. It takes time to feel good around new people.
