Day 1092 AF
@Mischa84 I’m glad you’re doing better. Stay connected. I took a month off from the TS, and it messed with me. Gotta keep putting in the work daily. Somedays are tough, but it’s better than getting shitfaced.
Good morning, gang. Working the Saturday shift. Wednesday is my 3 yr soberversary. Thought about taking the day off and hanging out with the fam. We’ll see. There is nothing else to report. Staying busy.
Have a great sober day! ODAAT 
Take care.
Your story is so similar to mine. I was also all about the weekends. Never drank on weekdays because I didn’t want it to interfere with my work. In my earlier year’s it would be every weekend, as I’ve got older I can easily go weeks or even a month with not drinking at all. Similar to you I’ve had long periods where my drinking seemed under control. But as is always the case eventually it builds up and only takes one night to destroy it all. Whilst I’ve never been an every day drinker, the amount of destruction I’ve caused with my binges is probably worse! I become someone I am not and someone I hate after a certain point of drunkness and end up having to apologise for stuff I can’t remember and stuff that is so out of character for me, had this not happened so many times, I would think people were lying when they told me what I’d done. Total mess! And me too, this HAS to be the end of it for me I really can’t keep doing this!
Yes you are right. Have to accept the control is gone, and drinking means accepting that the inevitable will happen. It’s either sober or destruction, there is no in-between and I have to remember that!
Checking in! 
Life never gets boring! Today on my commute home from work I almost got involved in a huge crash… it was a very close call… I was on my lane, at the legal speed, but a guy had to make a turnover crossing my lane, and he was standing still, waiting for me to pass. The rent a car that came behind him was driving way too fast, and didn’t realize he was standing still. The rent a car crashed into the car that had to turn, and all of a sudden I had 2 cars in my fucking lane, losing control at approx 90KM/H. I managed to stop my car, but one of the cars crossed mine right in front of me… the rent a car was total damage, with the airbags popped… police, firemen, all included. I felt sorry for the tourists, but they were driving way too fast!! 
I don’t really get it! They give out the fucking speedy cars as rent a cars (Fiat 500 Abarth), to people that are out of their comfort zone!! Since the tourists were in shock, I called the rental car agency, cause they were French and didn’t speak Spanish or English, in order to ask how to proceed. But since my car was not damaged, I could leave in the end, after helping them out (they had quite some bruises…), but I’ve been extremely lucky! Other than that, I’m kicking off my weekend… better days to come! 
Afternoon check in. Presently waiting for my daughter to drift off to afternoon nap sleep.
Then time for more housework!
I’m solo parenting Saturday-Monday, as my wife is working 10:30-20:30 Friday through Monday this week.
We had a nice morning of errands and park visits on foot. At lunch time, I was repeating “delayed gratification” to myself, and have it on my to-do list as motivation, as there are no breaks or easy dopamine hits today.
Delayed gratification. Repeat a few times.
Happy Saturday to you.
I made it home safe and with what’s left of my sanity intact. One good thing that came out of the big family event was getting plenty of quality time with my mom. We don’t get to chat as much usually, but we kinda leaned on each other to get us through the family event. I was also offered alcohol, but I’m pretty comfortable saying ‘no’ these days.
Checking in day 285 AF 
Day 288. Checking in because, despite my attempts at a positive outlook, I am struggling. I don’t know what to do with a homeless life soon and no money. I don’t have time to be frozen in place, but I have no help. None. It’s the strangest that I have ever seen in my life. The whole year has been so different. I just keep saying, “You lived. You lived. You lived.”
Thanks for letting me throw that out-ish.
256 days AF
2nd checkin,
TW explicit thoughts of drinking
Tonight I had kind explicit thoughts of consuming. I was buying some snacks for a business trip next week on my way to a pool, that is atm 40 minutes away due to road closure.
At the shop I thought, I could buy something little and drink it. No one would notice. And my suffering would ease. I would fly through the water. Why not having a bit of fun. Hm?!
I was hunting through the shop. Suddenly saw alcohol bottles everywhere.
OK grab those cliff bars and some nuts and go. Go go Julia, Go
Cole zero.
OK.
Zzzzsch!
Driving.
This was the fcn first thing of this kind since day 30 or so.
The swim was not great. Negative thoughts even in the water. This is the 3rd weekend where my thoughts are dark. Very dark. Lot of self hate and doing. Negativity.
And you know. I already do all this stuff.
I feel like I’m going backwards.
Needed to vent.
Thanks for listening.
Sounds scary Julia! But soo glad u made it thru that!
Maybe ur not necessarily going backwards friend. Maybe the dark thoughts and urges to drink are just warning signs that something is out of place in ur recovery. Usually when i feel like im going backwards, its bcuz im not doing something that i need to be doing for my recovery. For example, if i dont pray or do my recovery readings, i start to notice the difference and the urges increase. Is there anything that u have been slacking on lately that could contribute to ur thoughts and urges?
Sounds like that addict part of u is trying its best to get ahold of u again (with the self hate talk and urges to use). Remember ur gratitude list and remember why ur in sobriety. Ur doing so well! Im glad u got to vent. Hope it helped 🩷
7y9m28d
We are dog sitting for my parents’ dog this weekend. Two of the cats are super chill around her but the youngest, Cori, has been a bit stressed. Today she is getting more relaxed so that’s good.
Also hoping to get the refrigerator cleaned out of old food and wipe all the shelves before the day is over and go for a walk. Hope everyone’s having a good day today.
dear @acromouse thank you so much.
day 11 today. with food I am not doing really good. day 0 today of binging with food. I guess everything at the end is related
Checking in day 7! Went to visit some friends today. Had a good time. Didn’t drink. My friend was a little surprised when I said no but didn’t interrogate or pressure me which was nice. The ones that did drink had literally one drink and some didn’t even finish it! The old me would be thinking “what’s wrong with these people?!” But in reality it’s me and my habits that are wrong. They are completely normal & have a healthy relationship to alcohol where they can take it or leave it.
Hello all,
Thank you @Amy30 for feeling my frustration! You know I am not aure it will come to an end or close, but I hope that at least this chapter can come to an end for some time. Its a sad thing how we deal with disability in our society.
And thank you to everyone for just being here for me through all of this. Here at mums now with the little one. Hubby is at home and he said today he felt guilty for not coming and I shushed that. We need breaks from time to time, and its inportant both of us get them. Its very fortunate to be in a place to take care of one another. It has been a bit low being here; as my moms mood is very low. It is as though she is jist exhausted from everything, and so I think she should not have taken my nephew for 4 days. I inderstand her desire to do so, but in the end it is not a quality visit for her or him or us too being here. She does not have a positive attitude about the home he is staying in, and I dont know how to help her with that except to help myself by understanding that I cannot. We celebrated my nephews birthday today, and some of my sisters friends came and I can see where my mother and I differ in how we deal with things. I have always seen that, but just generally. It is hard to watch and tough to be around, but I am happy to see my nephew and be here with my kids. We took them to the park this morning, to get some lunch and then came back here where my nephews support took him to ride his scooter and I took him for a walk. I suppose I do not live in my fwelinfs so much as my thoughts, and I dont talk about my feelinfs with others or cry so connecting with her friends or even my mom in that way just doesnt happen. That isnt to say i dont understand emotions, or talk about them especially with my kids but I just dojt really do saddness with others and my mom has always been heavy in saddness. Anyways, that is just how i am feeling today.
Xo.
@climbin How are you doing today? Making it another day sober is a HUGE achievement. So great that you will be helping out in Florida. A change might actually be just the right move – I do hope it helps 
@shel75 Great to see you getting out and enjoying the Fall spooky activities. Hope the weather keeps cooperating so you can fully take in all that is available. I am hoping to get in at least one Haunted House next week. Found out that a old Asylum that is thought to be haunted is now open to the public – kinda intrigued LOL.
@acromouse Grateful you were able to steer clear of the cravings and keep your days in tact. The hormonal bs can really be nasty and increase the cravings. Congrats on being aware of what your body was going through and finding the strength to push past the cravings. That addict really is doing its push ups in the back ground but your sober muscles are also getting stronger 
@noshame I am not a mother or a wife but can sympathize and understand her needs. I am sure some Alone time for self care and a chance to just breathe without worrying about your son will be helpful in her getting a sense of self. Also a girls day out could be useful to connect with other adults as I’m sure baby talk can get exhausting after some time. 
@tragicfarinelli Kick ass girl! Three days no vape is amazing. Keep up the amazing work
@rookie Congrats on your 1 week milestone 
tada: Hope you had safe travels today. Keep up the great work
@soberwalker UGH! Sorry friend. I’m sure this boot is so frustrating to have on and not being able to partake in walking or your crosfit is frustrating. Your foot is healing and 3 weeks will go by quickly (I know right now its worse than watching paint dry). Sending you strength and positive vibes to get through this healing time.
@mrmoustache I know a relapse sucks and can leave us with guilt and shame. Be proud that you found your way back to the sober track and are now again stacking up the days. Do not let the addict mind take away from your achievement. Hold onto the yuck feeling of the relapse but let go of your guilt. The yuck feeling will be a great reminder of what is waiting for you if you get the urges again. Keep up the amazing work friend. Good to see you checking in again
@jesile YIKES! That is a hell of a story. Grateful you are ok and no one was badly hurt. Sweet of you to stay and help the tourists out. Hope you are able to get a good nights rest and enjoy your Sunday
@earnit So sorry Jene. You did LIVE through a massive ordeal and you have been spending each day since recovering and healing. Sending positive energy your way and hoping that something works out soon for your housing situation Grateful that you did come here to vent and share.
@juli1 So proud that you did not give into that voice. You made it out of that store without any alcohol. Sorry that your swim was not so great. Earlier you mentioned that therapy with a human wouldn’t work. Is this just a fear or have you already tried with no success? No matter how strong we are, it is enormously difficult to try and heal ourselves without help. An outsider sometimes can see wounds we think are scratches. Sending you hugs and love my friend. I am sorry the dark thoughts are back and being so intrusive.
@pamela So awesome to see your 1 week milestone Great job on not partaking in the drinking and realizing that we addicts don’t have that same relationship with alcohol that some seem to have. I too would not be able to see alcohol go to waste or stop at just one. So grateful we are not in that cycle of hell anymore ODAAT
Checking in on Saturday evening
661 Days free of alcohol and weed
1076 Days free of cigarettes
WOW - the day really did just get away from me. I started the check in this morning and then thought I would take a few minutes break before finishing – LOL – well 10 hours later… 
It was a hard day but I managed to get a shit ton accomplished so i’m feeling good about that. I am now exhausted and ready to turn in. The darker early nights make it easier to fall asleep early. Can’t believe its only 9 pm (my body says it midnight).
Alright friends – have a wonderful addiction free day / evening / night – sending you all so much love
Day 972
Checking in on another evening of sobriety. Work was good but felt like it dragged on. Came home to my family, made supper, relaxed and now putting my son to bed. Going to do the usual self care and relax with hubby. Feeling alright today altho i did have an urge to use on the way home from work. Not sure what triggered it. But thankfully its gone now. Have a great evening everyone!
Checking in on Saturday evening. I had a great day! Went to an environmental center ran by the local university. I haven’t been there for years (probably elementary school field trip). Checked out all the birds there - they were injured and have been rehabilitated, but can no longer live in the wild. Then we went for a hike around the lake there. It was absolutely beautiful weather so we spent several hours just meandering around on different trails. Afterwards we met up with some of my husband’s siblings for a monthly get together luncheon. Had a great lunch and a fun time chatting with everyone. Made it home in time to watch my beloved Nittany Lions pull off an exciting overtime win over USC!
I have been feeling so much better lately. I think the combination of new meds, better diet and more exercise is definitely helping me - physically and mentally. I feel like everything is starting to click- finally!
Hope everyone is having a great weekend 
Thank you!!
