Viv and Jill are at Man Citehhhhh now. Viv, I fear, is too injured to get properly fit and well again (the same as the excellent but blighted Sam Mewis, of North Carolina courage fame).
Pelova is magnifique! But claimed by the ACL machine currently.
Cosmic management, or is it just because you are accountable? Either way, hope your pop gets on track.
I used to believe that things would level out as they needed. Then when I randomly received news like that and I was too fucked to get in the car and drive or even make sense, I knew it was all self led. In an emergency or if a friend / family/ someone needs help, Iām gonna show up these days.
ā Day 2255
Winter is coming.
Not my favorite part of the year and that affects my mood. My body isnāt made for cold.
Reminds me I have to buy a new winter jacket to help me trough this season.
Picture is from yesterday. Our garden into the snow.
Today? Try to keep myself busy and in the afternoon a friend of mine visits with her husband. She is chronically ill, a mirror for me not to feel sorry for myself too much.
Have a good day ore night all
355 days
Good day. Pretty low key. Only a couple more days till Iām due back at work. Want to take a rest from the gym but then innthe back of my mind Iām thinking just go and then rest when your back at work haha, I think Iāve got the idea of vacation back to front
Oh my, I owe an apology to any and all that were concerned especially @LittleMissLaura@Just_Laura@JazzyS . I never intended for my sign off to be taken that way, I was reading through and was about to post an end of day check in but kept nodding off, so wrote a simple salutationā¦ I see how it could have been misinterpreted and my apologies. Trust me, I am pretty good and hopefully will come looking for support if Iām ever tempted. You guys are the absolute best of the best
@Just_Laura , wow that was so coincidental (and I donāt believe in coincidence) that you took the eve off and were able to easily get to your dadās side. Iām happy for you to hear heās doing better and hopefully nothing more serious than just ensuring he keeps his hydration up. Heās fortunate to be in such good shape and hands after going sober so much later in life. It really is never too late to quit. Best wishes to you and him in his healing . The absolute best thing about sobriety is being able to know that you can always be there when needed. A great fear of mine was something would happen when I was drunk and how would I live with myself if I wasnāt able to be there for mine. Iām glad you were there.
@JazzyS 700 days!!! Huge congratulations on your latest milestone. You inspire me every single day!
Well, it was a really good day yesterday. Lower body workout, bike, then off to physio and we discussed some tightness in my glutes on side of me arse, and he gave me some stretches to work on that as today was more shoulder work. I must say that the shoulder and elbow is feeling sooo much better this past week with these stretches and other therapyā¦ itās really amazing. Now if I can get those glutes stretched better, I could be a new puppy again. Haha, dreams.
Nothing much other to report. It was a good day all round and more of the same with upper body superset planned today, with some treadmill and into sauna blanket. This month off is all about taking care of me after a hard summer of 70-75 hour work weeks. As well as dialing in the gym and building some routines for when I get back to work that I can ensure I stick to that I donāt have to think about too much. I like the gym sessions to be set and I just have to go and complete. No advanced planning.
Anxiety is still here. I woke up to a panic attack but was smart enough to turn on a guided panic meditation. That talk down helped a lot. I hope thatās it for today.
My daughter is sick again. We really could use a brake. She was at home the last two weeks due to illness. Went to school for two days and now here we are again. This is not healthy for neither her nor my mental health.
Donāt have much going on today. Working on my game, want to do a rowing workout later. Going to cohost a RD meeting in the evening. Tomorrow I want to go with a friend to our favourite sauna. Am not sure if this will work out with my daughter being ill. Weāll see.
Todayās picture are the first signs of snow for this winter in our garden.
Woke up not feeling very good again, my stomach is a mess. Now the other worst part of my anxiety is ready to explode: test results. Already a few have trickled back as OUT OF RANGE/ABNORMAL, so of course Google and I have between us decided I have many illnessesā¦
I need to know, but I also go through this very high level catastrophizer scenario in my head. When I was little my mum used to have tonnes of medical dictionaries and medical directories around, to understand illnesses and medications. We grew up anxious around the medical profession; she pushed a lot of unnecessary beliefs on to me. And fears, horrendous fears.
I feel tiny in my soul today, a bit scared. Iāve somewhat reverted to age old behaviours this morning in my anxiety. Iāve already been out walking in the freezing cold, aimlessly, imagining myself dying. Going to try to stem this right now, itās damaging.
Checking in, day 3 AF, 4 weed free. Iām feeling good today. Hereās still a blizzard roaring, so Iām gonna stay in bed under a warm blanket and read a book. Little things makes this life worth living for. Have a great sober day yaāll!
So amazing to read this and a reminder that the universe is always looking out for us and so much is out of our control so all we can do is walk our right path and things will work out the way they are meant to. So grateful that your dad is ok and they were able to get to the hospital so quickly
Oh wowā¦thatās great news and Iām grateful that you were Able to stay clear of the urges and get to a supportive meeting to work your recovery @Chevy55 thank you Nick! You are so sweet my friend . So glad to hear that you are doing well - have a wonderful day . Wow- that is a beautiful picture @acromouse woot woot!!! 1 year no sugar . You keep stacking up the days my friendā¦ making some impressive progress on all your trackers @Tragicfarinelli big hugs my friend. Iām sorry that you are feeling this way and I am hopeful that you will get some answers soon from the recent tests you did at the doctors. Ah that Dr. Google can be scaryā¦try to stay away from that wormhole. Sending you healing energy and hope you start to feel better soon @Sunny11 great to see you checking in! 20 days is amazing work
Checking in on Thursday morning
Feeling off but awakeā¦gotta get some stuff done and then hopefully be able to crawl back in bed.
See a light dusting of snow outdoorsā¦ Hope the drivers arenāt manic todayā¦seems everyone forgets how to drive in snow every year
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free dayā¦ sending you all so much love
Eughhā¦ this little post is a bit of a vent, id avoid it if youāre not feeling great sorry.
Checking in day 248.
We move in to our new home next week. Weāve ordered some new furniture to be delivered immediately and have some tradespeople coming to fix some things on the first Monday in the house so itāll be busy. We are then hosting early Christmas a couple weeks later. Itās good to have something to look forward too as ive been feeling pretty anxious lately. I thinks itās because Iāve started doing shit things that I was doing back when I was drinking. Things I thought Iād stop doing when I stopped drinking. Well Ive definitely done these things less but recently theyāve started cropping back up again and Iām not sure what to do. I think when Iām drunk and when Iām really tired, im almost that same person compared to the me when Iām well rested, balanced and having a good mindset.
Why do I feel like I have no control over myself doing these things? Like I go on auto-pilot mode almost.
Main things are the desire to talk to my exās (which I havenāt since stopping drinking), binge eat, avoid going to sleep, and other things that just arenāt good for the soul.
I go to sleep, wake up and feel like Iām back to my proper self and promise myself today will be different.
The hardest part is that I know what I need to doā¦ Have a healthy, balanced diet, exercise, drink enough water and get enough sleep. Literally 99% of my issues would be solved by this.
My life has gotten better by about 5000% percent since stopping drinking and smoking pot. add to that quitting smoking like 6 or 7 years ago now.
How does someone who stopped smoking and drinking have a lack of self-control when it comes to things that the majority of the population seem to cope with just fine?
Is it my ADHD? How I was raised? PTSD? Genetics? Why canāt I get my brain to just do the right thing all the time and not suck. I hate going from run away from everything, to take on the world in a matter of minutes. From feeling positive and determined to feeling shame and guilt.
Am I the only one experiencing life like this? Itās sooo f**king exhausting!
Day 372. Doctor visit went good, talked about the possibility of having sleep apnea, and other things of course. But we ordered a sleep study, more blood work, and a ultrasound for my liver. She was definitely a straight forward nurse practitioner and told it how it was. She said my heart sounded good and for the most part seemed healthy. I did tell her that yes i do eat alot ot sweet, specially my creme horns still. Although with the last labs she wasnt worried about beint diabetic. I did also tell her i drink my one, sometimes two zero sugar energry drinks in the morning. I usually dont do anymore than that. One thing i did forget to mention was that when i stopped chewing, i switched to the zyn nicotine pouches and i do chew those like all day, even sometimes i keep them in when i fall asleep. So yes there is alot of stuff to work on and fix. But atleast were in the right direction. Much love
231 days sober
Todayās been super relaxed! Itās been a snowy day so everythingās closed and people are staying in. I had some time outside doing some snow shoeing which was great but my poor dog was swimming in the snow so we didnāt go too far today.
I moslty stayed in relaxing with tea, music and reading. I did some work online but the power has been unreliable so I got too annoyed with the internet dropping out so often and decided to just take the day to recharge and relax.