Very productive day: worked out intensely, ate nicely and properly. Got my job application in but the website glitched my bloody application with no option to remedy it. I’ve emailed all the recruiting bodies and the department for it to be acknowledged that the problem was their site, not me. I hope to goodness they see sense and allow me to manually send all the bits that were obstructed.
We have just settled down to watch a film: Number 24, a true story. Very good so far. Might make us a hot chocolate and get to bed early! My arms are already aching so rest seems a good choice.
We have some family gathering and it us triggering me a bit how my aunt is dealing with alcohol. We don’t have anything here. We have sober mojito from Schweppes with fresh lime and peppermint. Just how she says “a fine dinner and a glas of wine”. But that should not bother me. There will always be people celebrating wine (my drink oc) Today we celebrate my mums 70ies birthday. Good food and “free” mojito. Brilliant. Healthy. Yeahj.
A few pictures were taken and I was afraid to open the WhatsApp as I was afraid that my mood will speed down again cuz I don’t like myself. To my surprise, I am looking good, healthy and sporty on the pictures. Helpful in this case.
2nd check-in. Been a hard day. Woke up feeling depressed. Had even suicidal thoughts but i’m not going to do anything to myself. Morning walk was difficult. It has felt like i’m poisoned. Visited my aunt and her husband with my dad. I could talk and socialize but felt poisoned. Frustrated will i ever be ok. I’m on day 36 now. Had my first thoughts of drinking on this sober episode. Psych nurse canceled our meeting because she is sick. Still, i’m not going to give up.
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Got caught up on this thread this morning. Had a long phone call with my parents to catch up. Now I need to take a shower and get ready to volunteer with my daughter. We are helping socialize cats so that they can be adopted at a shelter with the youth group from church. Hope everyone has a good and sober 24!
Edit: Daughter decided she doesn’t want to go. So I’ll do consulting instead this afternoon.
Welll we’re heading back in for 5th OT-overnight shift of 12 hours in a row. Supposed to get down to -24C tonight, so it’s going to be frigid
Will be a 68 hour work week if we aren’t called back in tomorrow also.
Looking like it’s going to get messy again Tues-Sat next week also. No complaints, it’s a lot of work though. But I do have about 60 hours of banked time after tonight for this week on top of 40 hour pay. So I’ll be taking a nice paid break at some point as I’ll have about 140 hours in my work banked time after tonight, not counting way more sick days and vacation days that I ever use.
Anyway, I’m rambling as usual. A couple folks were waiting to go home to have some double rum and cokes, it had no effect on me. I felt bad they were in need of it.
In the early hours of the morning (as I clear sidewalks in the downtown bar area of the city) there were a lot of very inebriated people. I was getting a lot of kisses blown and high fives on my machine. Stumbling, crying, puking, arresting… it was a show. I have to be so aware handling that heavy equipment amongst them. It’ll be more of same tonight though less snow clearing and more salting so I can hit it early before too many are out then come back to that area after 3am when most bars have closed and folks have headed home.
I do not miss that scene or lifestyle at all.
Be safe out there folks. Protect your sobriety. It’s truly worth it.
Late check in… Day 1,694 clean and sober today. I got called into work early today hence the late check in. I’m glad to be getting off work earlier today yay! I hope everyone has an amazing day today, love you guys!
I still feel fomo every time I see someone leisurely enjoying a glass of wine. I don’t know when those feelings will completely disappear but grateful that I can also remember that I can’t do leisurely drinking.
Love that you did check out the pictures and were able to see yourself in a good light
Sorry that you are dealing with these dark thoughts. If your nurse is unavailable - can you call a help line?
I wonder if something is going on with your detox from meds? Been a while since you’ve been having these symptoms of feeling poisoned. Maybe something to look into?
Calling help line is possible but i don’t believe it will help. At least i can sleep, that’s important. Now i feel quite well again. Bad feelings could be withdrawal from meds also. Thanks for support🙏
Checking in getting through day 3. Bank Holiday weekend here in Ireland so I kept myself busy. My Mam going back into hospital tomorrow for her operation on Tuesday. I’ve given my self a list of things to tick off around the house to keep myself busy so I can keep ticking them off as I do them.
Been to a meeting too and have the schedule of ones in my area, really welcoming and understand group too and made me feel at ease straight away.
2nd check-in. This day has been extremely hard. I’ve been battling with the feeling if I ever get better and to be able to live a balanced and normal life. I’m also really worried about my stressful future, how I can cope with stressful situations and emotions without picking up a drink or a joint. But I’m still early in my sobriety, so I have to believe things will get better. Gotta just focus on one day at a time. Relying on God gives me comfort and helps me deal with fear. I’m also out of one of my meds, but luckily I can get those on Monday when I’ll get money. I’m already scared of tomorrow because every day has been harder and harder to deal with. But gotta trust the process, healing takes time and no matter what, I won’t give up.
Waking up on day 6 thinking about an external situation that makes me want to drink. That my addict brain wants to use to justify leaving AA. Im future tripping and arguing with myself.
I was getting dressed to go to a meeting when my cancer nausea kicked in and made me lose my breakfast, so while i didnt make it to the meeting i also dont want to drink anymore there are zoom meetings every hour in my area so i will log into one. I will read the Big Book and do a mindfulness meditation. I will post and read on here. I want to wake up tomorrow and see “7 days” more than anything. Today i will not drink.
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Sunday morning lay in.
Have been super busy the past few days so today will consist of gym this morning, some work meal prep and then sweet FA with temps again in the high 30’s
Hope everyone is doing ok?
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I have this unusal urge to get high today. I dont know what the potential trigger is for this but nonetheless i will work thru it. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, maybe thats it. Im feeling frustrated bcuz i feel like i need something yet idk what i need. Ive tried eating healthy food, deep breathing, drinking coffee cuz im lacking energy, drinking water, resting. I cant pinpoint what i need. I feel like im just not satsified. Idk if that makes any sense lol. Anyway, once hubby is home from tattooing, ill also do some self care. Have a nice supper and relax and get ready for work tomorrow. Its snowing here like crazy so im not looking forward to going out tomorrow morning. Plus it will be close to -38°C (-36°F) and thats just a bit too cold for me lol Hope everyone is having a good day so far!
So I’ll do consulting instead this afternoon.
wishing you all the best for your new work
there are zoom meetings every hour in my area so i will log into one. I will read the Big Book and do a mindfulness meditation. I will post and read on here. I want to wake up tomorrow and see “7 days” more than anything. Today i will not drink.
