Relapsed again. Got in a huge fight with my wife. Hate my job. Hate my life. I don’t see the point anymore. I wish I wasn’t here.
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Please don’t do anything rash. I’m sorry you relapsed and are feeling this way. Do you want to share any more? Life is worth living and you deserve to be here, even if you cannot see that right now.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1731. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 16 no weed.
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Sometimes, just this:
Say more, if you can.
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Many times I’ve had to ask my self “do I want to die or do I just want to die right now.” It’s always the latter and it always passes. Here for you if you ever need to talk things out. You can do this! 
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Day 1,732 clean and sober today, 13 hours no smoking/vaping. I was going to quit on my birthday this coming Saturday but my lungs hurt from picking up smoking cigarettes again that I just can’t do it anymore. I absolutely loved vaping but I also love hiking and love learning how to love myself. Life is challenging at times but there is absolutely nothing that a drink or drug won’t make worse. Glad to be alive and well on this spinning planet hurtling through the universe. What an amazing opportunity I have to explore all the beautiful things I can while I’m here. I’m grateful and content at the moment. Have an amazing day everyone, I love you and am so very proud of you all!!!
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It’s true, I think. But then comes acceptance.
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I’ve had the same problem. I used to be able to drink two pots of coffee throughout the day and a cup after dinner, but that time has passed. No coffee after noon for me. It helps.
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Congratulations, Cass! That’s terrific. 
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@CR84 Congrats on 30 days! Happy for you 
This is accurate for me. I used to drink 2 redbulls and a few cups of coffee a day and be able to take a nap at any time. I cut out energy drinks almost immediately, but around 5/6 months sober, I had to cut out caffeine almost entirely bc of the insane anxiety I was having. Turns out I don’t need stimulants when I’m not flooding my system with depressants 
@Catmama23 Embrace that hatred right now and point it all towards alcohol. It’s what’s making you feel this way. If you can condition yourself into hating alcohol enough, you’ll want absolutely nothing to do with it.
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Ahha! So my suspicion was correct? Thank u loz 
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- Rocking on. Doing the doing. Sobriety is my priority, everyday. My mental health is my priority, everyday. Compassion and pause is my only way to tackle the difficulties. Happy 24
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You wish you weren’t here RIGHT now during your hungover, self loathing, stressed due to money, tired due to shitty sleep, angry due to noisy neighbours state.
When you add it all up, I can see why you’d want to escape from all that RIGHT NOW.
But when we drink, it goes away for a minute and it comes back worse. It comes back plus all the shit we should have done when we were drinking. That’s no help at all.
Right now you need to take this one hour at a time. Do
something to make it ok right now. Hot shower, walk outside, anything.
You might not feel like it right now, but you’re worth it.
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Checking in. Morning, day 25. Slept well. Up first, so watching the sunrise with coffee while catching up here. I’m getting close to one month, but I am not going to get complacent. I am so glad to be here with all of you people.
I’m working from home today (I have a MWF teaching schedule, so I don’t need to go to campus). I’m planning some reading, meditating, and exercise. My quads are killing me, but this too shall pass. I hope.
Making dirty rice for dinner. I am terrible about not eating in the morning and waiting until mid-afternoon for a late lunch/early dinner. That usually suits me, although I sometimes have a snack before bed.
Now, more coffee.
Stay safe. Stay sober. Stay connected.
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Checking in 3 months cigarette free & 18 months alcohol free 
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Eighteen months is great, @JuliaLuna . Congrats. 
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I spent a big chunk of my life wishing I was dead, since I was 10. I’m 32 now. I then came to a realization. One day I asked myself what death meant to me. What did I find appealing in the idea of not existing. What does death represent? What did it release me from? And I meant to be real specific. It’s a life or death question after all. It represented to me peace, calm, rest, and forgiveness since life was punishment so to die would be a cessation of the punishment: forgiveness.
I then decided to seek those things that I sought in death, in life. You should be here because you already are and you matter. You are important. You deserve happiness and a good life. Unfortunately, we are tasked with the terrible burden of having to create our own happiness and I can say with confidence that the reason we’re all here on this forum is because we stumbled on the wrong path to get there. But keep looking friend, please. You already looked for it in a bottle, it’s not there. Please keep coming back here, and keep trying, one more day. Tomorrow might be the day it clicks. Don’t give up
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@apes2020 love a sober self date. Looks like a good time. Thanks for sharing 
Yeah you will 
. You’ve got a great attitude and have ways to curb the urges when they come. Just have to remind ourselves that they won’t last and you will be better off without the DOC.
@CR84 woohoo 
. Congratulations on your 1 month Cass. Totally something to be proud of!
I feel this deeply as it has been a difficult thing for me to allow myself as well. I think we have been taught that if you rest the. You must be lazy and this is far from the truth. I am glad you are taking the time to listen to your body and resting when needed. Iooh- a huge congrats - very exciting news. 
@Catmama23 sending hugs my friend. It feels like doom and gloom when you are in the thick of it. I am sorry for all that you are going through. Sending yourself some gentle love and remind yourself that you deserve a better life. You have us and your AA group so please lean on us for support. Don’t let the relapse define you. 
Check out the sober muscles . Way to go on your timers friend . So happy for you and thanks for stopping in to share this with us
Checking in on Tuesday morning
Sleep was crappy again. Feel rested enough and enjoying a cup of coffee. Have to find that sweet spot to not let the caffeine blow this headache into a migraine.
I am going to do my best to help with things at work today. Hopefully alsome pool time later
Wishing everyone a wonderful addiction free day… sending you all so much love 
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Congratulations Cass!!!
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