Great post @Fargesia_murielae 
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I donāt know 
Everything was deleted by the time I logged on, so I missed what happened. From the bottom of my heart I hope he comes back. He was a huge support to me and many others. I feel guilty for missing it 
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Hope youāre feeling better today James. I know itās been a rough week for you as you continue to work on your therapy & sobriety. Sending you strength and positive thoughts. 
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Day 157. Going on a day trip with the hubs. Hoping for a relaxing & enjoyable day. I may have time to catch up on all the check ins because good grief thereās a LOT!! I feel so out of touch. New people have come in and Iāve missed it entirely. Lots of good things happening on here. Shout outs to @GVLNative @Girlinterrupted @C_8 @Jane.c @SoberWalker @Ifs @Fargesia_murielae @Mno and @Salty because I can only tag 10 people - keep going you guys!! Youāre doing great!
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Have a lovely day!! You deserve the fun time 
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Hello everybody
. 20 days in and feeling like Iām getting somewhere 
I dont know where though yet.Despite the 80mph gusts of wind and lashing rain I am feeling fantastic! I think my daily dose of fresh fruit and spinach is kicking in.
Iām looking forward to tomorrow morning and getting out and about with the dogs. I love walking in the woods when its windy, almost as much as I love lighting the fire and toasting my toes listening to the wind outside.
I hope you all have a happy weekend.
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Day 46ā¦checking in friendsš
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Love the numbers
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Just got home from work. Just read your message and hope you will have your relaxing and enjoyable day! Iāll send you some postitive vibes to go with it!! Have fun!! 
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(Posted this elsewhere and now i am posting it hereā¦)
Day 5.
Woke up dehydrated.
Had an extremely violent dream last night about an old classmate i havenāt thought about since high school. He was a smart guy, very approachable and even though he was overweight and rotund like a ball, he ran fast and was quick on his feet due to being obsessed with soccer. He was a good guy and i always found the conversations we had back in the day pleasant.
I wanna know know if anyone has dreamed something similar or can interpret this dream.
The dream went like thisā¦
Fair warning, violent descriptions ahead
My brother came up to me as i was strolling in the park and told me that i wouldnāt believe what he was about to show me. So i followed him as he led the way to a house with yellow tape around it near my old junior high. Somehow, we were allowed to go into the house for whatever reason, (its a dream, rules are broken all the timeā¦) and i saw broken glass everywhere as i entered. Then, in the hallway, there were bodies of kids all cut up in a puddle of their own fluids. In the living room were the elderly people looking just as bruised and cut up as the kids, all unrecognizable as their faces were mutilated. The smell was a harsh stench, so we put our noses into our shirts so itād be easier to refrain from vomiting.
We walked to the kitchen and hanging on the ceiling fan in the middle of the kitchen was a torn-off head hanging by a rope. His eyes were still open and the head span on the rope towards us when we entered the room, and right there and then, i realized it was my old classmateās head.
Who did this?
The police explained to us that my classmate had beaten, pummelled and stabbed all of his brothers and sisters (4 brothers, 2 sisters) and his two parents before hanging himself. And as he hung himself, with the last couple of seconds of life he had, he cut into his own throat and eventually, his torso fell from the neck of his head and onto the bloody mess that was the kitchen floor., leaving his head hanging on the rope.
Apparently, this rampage was fuelled from being abused as a kid and abused at school and having no one to turn to. He broke his leg a month before so soccer working as catharsis was out of the question. It was the only thing he was good at besides school. Even though he was great at school, he never cared for it. The kids there certainly never cared for him, so why should he āgo back to schoolā?
His outlets and methods of self control were gone and now his mind was a whirlwind of instability and incoherent, angry chatter.
You are what you CHOOSE to think, so after a month of those constant thoughts and the past coming up in waves, he snapped and took it out on those closest to him with a kitchen knife and killed himself afterwards.
I left the house feeling empty and sat outside to reflect what i just absorbed in there. My brother sat by and stared off into the void himself.
Itās surreal to hear about murders that happen in a place of familiarity, but when it is caused by someone you once knew? It shatters your reality. Suddenly the world has become less trustworthy, less safe, and more reactive to you. For every person you come across, even for a couppe of seconds, you think to yourself, āwhat is their line? And how close to that line are they at this moment?ā
Civilisation just became less civil.
Word gets out and now youāre thinking, who will this influence in our city? Will it be any more of our classmates?
You are what you choose to think.
Then i woke up feeling a hollowing sensation occurring in my stomach. I was truly shook from this and was about to tell my little brother (which i will when he wakes upā¦) about what happened, but it was only a dream. I washed my face, sat up in bed for a bit, and fell back asleep thankfully.
END
(For those who didnāt read because of the graphic imagery but still wanted to know what the dream was about, it was about an old classmate that slaughtered his family from past neglect and abuse.)
I wanted to hear some of your guysā interpretations.
For me, at the moment, i took it as a way of what i was feeling yesterday. I felt fine until i laid in bed and remembered it was Valentineās. I felt bitter more than angry and i drank a little with my brothers. (Not the smartest or emotionally sound idea i know)
It might justāve been a chemical reaction, it might mean nothing at all. I know this out of place and off-topic of what is usually discussed here, but i wanted to bring it up with you guys.
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@Conor689908 Iāll be more sheltered in the woods as silly as it sounds . The beach is a definite no no. Hoping it dies down a bit during the night. Thanks for your support Conor.
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Checking in. Still sober. Last two days have been hard: I received some tough feedback and had to really get back to basics on my life and completing my basic responsibilities, on time. I felt a lot of shame and noticed a lot of negative self-talkā¦
but!
I noticed it. Consciously. I wrote it down, and reframed it. āIām a failureā is reframed as āI received hard feedback, but it was specific and I have a chance to make it right, so I am going to complete this specific task by the time I said I wouldā.
And my negative self-image is being gradually dismantled. I donāt know what Iāll be next. But I am still sober, I made it, Iām working & growing forward.
Happy sober day friends.
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Day 14. Missed yesterdayās check in but it was a lovely sober Valentineās Day. My husband and I went on a double date with our friends to a Cajun restaurant that we love. The place is BYOB so in the past we always brought a big bottle of wine with us. Not this time. Instead I enjoyed the delicious food, live music & great company without dulling my senses.
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! 
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Day 207. Slept like a champ last night. New mattress, new pillows, new beddingā¦it was glorious. Weāre up and at it today, with our company. Getting some PS4 time in, hit the store, meal prep for the week is in the crock pot.
Just. Smashing. It.
Have a strong day!!!
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For me personally I find dreams usually signal something that is preoccupying me. They are often allegorical in my case - very often the events in them are unlikely to happen in real life, but they do work as an allegory.
Last night for example, I had a dream where I was witnessing documents about an adoption being done by my wife and another man. (As I said - unlikely in real life! 
) What was interesting about it is in my real life, I am working toward an adoption with my wife. I am taking the dream to mean that I need to be more active and engaged in my life; less of a spectator. I need to consciously grow and try to make the (sometimes unfamiliar and uncomfortable) effort to create different, better habits.
If you reflect on your life & relationships now - both your internal life & your relationship with yourself, and also your external life & relationships - are there any possible overlaps, allegorically, with your dream?
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End of day 11,kids staying with the ex tonight so got thoughts of,Iāll be alone tonight,looked for a meeting but wasnāt one nearby, finally left work and slow drive in the storm,was gonna stop at shop to get something to eat at home but was really unsure of myself,I stopped outside shop,I had a fiver,ā¦thought about it and thought it best to just get home and find something at home to eat,still sober,day 11 Ending
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A couple friends kidnapped me and asked me to drive them to Sierra Nevada Brewery in Fletcher, NC for them to have a day of debauchery. I came for the food, they have fantastic food. Had a couple Bratwurst that were fantastic. I have my Diet Coke. It is nice to not want to get fād up!!! Scenery is great and not too cold outside today. This place is huge and really nice.
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Fletcher is a nice community. Enjoy!!
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Thank you all so much for your kind words.
I made myself get out there today. I spent some time record shopping which helped take my mind off things. Flicking through hundreds of records was relaxing and familiar. Ill be putting that in my tool kit. And then I went to the football and we won!!! But @anon12657779 youre right, the weather was awful, got an absolute soaking. But the wind and rain gave me the short, sharp shock I needed. And yes @Fargesia_murielae , posting here has helped lift some of the weight from my shoulders. I was holding it all in.
@SassyRocks It was always on my mind that something like this would happen, but I didnt expect it to be so intense and so quick. Its comforting to hear that it happens with other people like yourself. And yes, I had in mind that I didnt want/need medication, which is ridiculous. As you say @Mno all of this stuff was going to come out at some point, and we should take any help we can get. Coming up to a year I thought id be a bit bummed out and perhaps a bit of bartering would creep in. Not even close.
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