Im having a hard time of it at the moment. Very suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere Im having some significant mental health issues. No obvious trigger and in many ways more intense than I have ever experienced in my life before. Im very familiar with depression and feeling blue, but this is something else. And Im struggling to not feel sorry for myself and generally cheated by this whole process. Right at a point where I feel ok and have put so much effort in this hits me. Anxiety and panic at levels that are not familiar and that I have no defence against. I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday so need to have a really important discussion with him which I am nervous off, but Im aware enough that I know I cant ignore this and it isn’t going to go away on its own. I’ve already had a chat with my boss about it and am grateful that she is understanding and compassionate about my current situation. And as it stands Im not feeling tempted to fall back into old habits which is good.
I try and avoid posting negative things like this, but I have to be honest and sharing is always helpful. And if anyone is going to relate its this community.
The weather is awful here but Im heading out now to try and clear my head and distract myself.
Being honest here and to yourself is important. I am sorry you are struggling right now with mental health issues. I will tell you that at about a year+, maybe a year in a half, I started feeling really anxious and started in with panic attacks as well. My PTSD really kicked in and it sucked and scared me.
I really looked at it and found, for me, that I think it took that long to really clear my body of all the numbing effects of alcohol use. And this was my body chemistry working to balance and bring forth what I needed to get out. So I sat with it for awhile. But eventually I found I needed medication for my unique body chemistry.
@Hailstrom, thank you for sharing your journey, ups and downs. Being real and honest helps us all. Know that feelings do pass and that you are healing. Know too that it is okay to accept medical assistance if needed. Be honest with your doctor and hopefully you can find what will help balance you. You are not alone.
You’re not far off a year. I suffered majorly around my year mark. Feelings of self doubt, depression. I knew I wasn’t going to drink or do silly things but… It felt like all the problems had come at once.
You’re doing the right thing. Trying to distract yourself. I’d imagine just trying to stay upright at the moment is a distraction. Dennis is giving his all at us.
Proud of you buddy.
Hey @Salty and @Jane.c … All the Christmas gifts from my husband were purchased by me. And I wrapped them. And wrote the gift tags (this last Christmas the words were sarcastic, and I made him guess what was in each pressie, after reading the tag out loud!!
I woke up super early and got Day 1 of my 9 day virtual cycling event out of the way.
It was a brutal 1.5 hours in the saddle. I made it through and have the rest of the day to get my chores done. If you like you can follow my progress here:
Not much going on here in terms of day to day stuff. However, I do have an exciting trip planned. In May, I’ll be going out to Los Angeles (~2,500 miles away!) for the first time in order to attend Cruel World Festival, a 1-day music festival for New Wave/Synth music. I’ll be seeing Morrissey, Blondie, Devo…several of my favorites, there’s like a dozen bands on the bill that I’ve wanted to see. I haven’t been to a music festival in over 10 years. It’s not really my thing, the festival atmosphere, but I figure I can hang back a bit and just enjoy the music in my own way…no need to be stuck in the middle of a swarm of people.
I’ll be traveling alone, something I haven’t done in almost 4 years. GF can’t go. It’ll be strange to be totally on my own like that. This trip comes about a month before I hit my 2-year soberversary. I have 3 full days. 1 for the concert, 1 for fucking around LA/surrounding area (record shopping probably), and a day where I plan to drive out into the desert and stay out there all day.
I’ve always had a fascination with LA and the desert, so it’s pretty exciting to finally be going.
Hope you had a good time outside clearing your head. I do think that the all the shit in our heads we put up with for so long, that we cropped up and pushed away by drinking, needs to come out at some point. So in a way it seems only logical we encounter some really hard times after sobering up. We cut our work out for ourselves when we decided to sober up. I thank you for the heads up because I understand that’s something in store for myself too in the coming time. In the meanwhile all I can do is encourage you to keep going. Going back to where we wore is no option. Forward is the only way. Per asper ad astra (or so I hope). And please post all here. The good and the bad. We need the whole picture. And so do you yourself I think. Thanks for sharing friend.
Proud of you for sticking with it these last few weeks. You’re a star!