Day 475. Social anxiety is interesting. I can speak to groups of people with prominent though manageable physical symptoms, but very little worrying, so it’s easy in some ways to think I’m on the verge of getting over it all. But it’s not that simple. Today, simply a new kind of conversation with a friend set me going for 45 minutes afterwards in a sub-panic anxiety state, unable to properly collect myself. See, with strangers, there isn’t really much to gain or lose in a social interaction. With a friend, I fear losing respect, revealing something dislikeable about myself, not measuring up to what they’ve come to expect of me, not to mention an indefinable “something is wrong that you’re blind to”.
Also, on a different topic, what is with me and setting crazy goals? I can’t claim lack of awareness is the problem anymore. Maybe I’m just greedy? Or is it optimistic? Or is it unwillingness to factor in reality when I don’t like it?
We talked about fear in my AA meeting this morning. I believe at the root of most anxiety (which I’ve struggled with too) is fear. I also believe that fear is dispelled some when we acknowledge and talk about the things that make us afraid. I’ve found it helpful to “play the tape through” regarding fear. Meaning, I say ok if my fear comes true what does that really mean? Do I not trust my higher power to get me through it? Have I really surrendered to my higher power if I’m afraid? Just things I think about when fear and anxiety threaten to steal my joy. Don’t let the fear of what others (even friends) think steal your peace today. Even if… You’ll still be ok.
Day 236! Today is going to be fun! Me, my sponsor and a colleague are going to do suspension. I don’t really know how many of you who know what it is and I won’t go into details here. Let’s just say it’s the kind that involves hooks and people I’ve been told there are more recovering addicts coming and its gonna be nice to spend a day amongst friends.
Have a great Sunday everyone!
678
Checking in sober. Today was stressful, but productive and there were some really good points throughout. For some reason I’m going to bed starving which isn’t great so maybe I’ll take myself out for breakfast tomorrow. I’m trying to be alone but not lonely. I would really like to get more comfortable with this idea. Not just distracting myself, but really happy to be with myself in my company. I think this has been a practiced habit for some but it’s foreign to me.
You’re doing great with 90 days of sobriety @Lilemm, congrats
Yay @Hailstrom, you’re rocking your sobriety. Congrats on 1 year of sobriety. You’re a rock star
Wow… @Desire2ChangeToday, 8 lbs lost in a month and vegan to boot! I envy you young lady, especially the 8lbs weight loss, I have to catch up:wink:
Blessings and sobriety y’all!
I can talk to people for the first time, and good friends ok. But those inbetween people I suck at so bad. And good friends I have very few. Trying to talk to someone I already know the basic details of, but don’t know that well, just makes me sweat with anxiety.
Going down south with my friend to see some friends while carnival is going on. Rain and wind expected. Last time I was there I still drank but quit smoking which was one of the more trying times to keep that quit. Will not drink today but curious how it will be as I will probably be the only sober person among 1000’s of drunks. And got all this unresolved business with me friend to deal with. Or not deal with today I suppose. Still gives me anxiety. I can’t back out now even though maybe I’d like to. @ifs Thanks for bringing the subject up. @crystalclear and @Misokatsu thanks for your insights. Very helpful to me this morning. @Hailstrom huge congrats friend! Thanks so much for sharing your journey. I recognise so much. On with the rest of our lives! Have a good Sunday all. Love from a very wet Amsterdam.
New numbers for you from now on Joshua!! Record smashed!!
Well done @Soupspoon, you nailed that party ànd your first week clean!! Hard work pays out! Good idea of you to go to that meeting!!
@Hailstrom congratulations for your 1 year milestone Partytime! Let’s eat cake!!
Double digits for you @BobIsGone, glad you are starting to feel better!
Day 524
Bad weather overhere: storm.
It’s Carnival here but because of the storm the Carnival parade in my town has been cancelled.
Going to see some friends and do lunch somewhere instead of the walk we planned.
Just a stormy and relaxed sunday
Going to keep myself “dry” in the rain today
You set the alarm for it? Wow! We have a nice Dutch word for that: bikkel!
Google translate says it’s a trooper in your language.
I hope you can get back to sleep, but it are definitely gorgious numbers!
Day 63
Weird day of hanging around waiting to do something, many people being involved in something which made it confusing - a camel is a horse designed by a committee. Conflicting obligations making me feel not great whatever I do. But how much worse this would be hungover, or just waiting to drink. Grateful for normal problems.
Something I am thinking about at the moment is my tendency to intellectualise, understand and fix. I think it’s about control. Wanting to know the problem so I can find a solution. Why do I set myself such unrealistic expectations? This might be a valid question but it can be counterproductive… I know I set myself unrealistic expectations (even though I wish my expectations were realistic, I want to be able to have the complete lifestyle change and I want it all now!), rather than thinking about why, I am going to try and just focus on one thing at a time.
I can’t claim lack of awareness is the problem anymore. Maybe I’m just greedy? Or is it optimistic? Or is it unwillingness to factor in reality when I don’t like it? 
I’ve been told there are more recovering addicts coming and its gonna be nice to spend a day amongst friends.
Record smashed!! 
. Travel day , trains,aeroplanes and taxis and car…homeward bound