I had a long period of not feeling like I was doing enough..so I started writing down all the things I did for the day..like everything. I got up, had a shower, cooked myself a healthy meal, watered the garden, slept, dishes, washing, chores, messaged a friend..like everything. Now imagine writing all those things down and trying to tick them off for the day..it would feel overwhelming and impossible. Now add all the other things you need to get done, such as what you’re talking about. There’s no shame in taking care of yourself and then trying to do those extra things that need doing but we don’t quite get to them all. 
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Hello everyone!
DAY 98 - Check-in
I have been having symbolic dreams these past two days, and I’ve also been dreaming about old friends. The other day, I saw a message from my cousin (he’s archived on WhatsApp, so I don’t get messages… he’s one of the many I don’t want to hear from). He was asking why I am making him suffer so much without going out with him anymore. Also, misery likes company!
Things have really changed.
Before, that message would have been enough for me to owe him an explanation or go back to old dynamics. Today, I see in this just passive-aggressive behavior and some ego issues from not being at the center of my attention any longer.
Well, people change, and surely I don’t need to justify myself to anyone, because I have turned the page, and there is no coming back for me.
I drew a line in the sand and kissed goodbye to a cycle that has finally come to an end.
I don’t feel like I am missing out on people or events, nor that time is passing by.
Because I am alone here and don’t have outsiders as allies for now (or people to get involved in projects, creative endeavors, and anything like that), and also because I don’t have a regular job, I need to take care of myself and be kind of ruthless about it.
The door has been shut; no one from my past is allowed. I only look forward to the future, one day at a time. There is so much about myself that I am proud of at this time that I really do not care about holding on to my past.
Getting sober this time is a choice, not a necessity, and this is making a huge difference in the quality of my recovery …
Today I am grateful for:
- Time alone
- Time in nature
- Time in general
Wishing everyone a solid 24 sober hours!
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I’m sorry to read this Karen. I hope the outcome of the test will be fine, I understand the stress this is causing you, and that it’s hard not to let this influence the mood during your day. Sending positive vibes 
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Ah yes, I heard about them a while ago actually and forgot - perhaps it’s time to revisit
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661
Thursday night check-in.
14°C a few days back, today 33°C
They often say if you don’t like the weather in Melbourne, just wait 5 minutes. We often do get 4 seasons in one day.
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Day 47 smoke free, 26 binge eating free, 5 sugar free
I need some rest and I am glad today I can take it easy. Sleep, read, watch a show, cuddling with Milo and Mila.
Have a happy and healthy day everyone!
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Hi @BlancheDuBois , I just wanted to take a second as your post really resonated with me. Grad school can be very consuming, and especially if you spend time with colleagues and professors who sometimes have a tendency to talk continually about all they are doing this adds to the anxiety around the perfectionism. If you notice this (not saying this is your experience, but in my program it was), give yourself permission to have space from these conversations and what I did was also acknowledge that others also deal with this perfectionism…it helped me to breath a little easier when I did this 
it can feel like an absolute rat-race at times.
I found it helpful to have my lists of what to do mapped out. I had my “master list” on one side of the page, (these were thinfs that didn’t need to happen straight away) and then I had my list for today. Putting those “basic” things like showering, etc. On the list to cross out somehow gives a nice feeling of accomplishment when you cross it off.
I dont know how to express the work or how to move through it exactly (if I am being honest, I went through some major life events that really just changed my perspective on “being on top of everything”/”feeling like a failure if I wasn’t”), but it helps me everyday to just gently remember what is important to me, it is okay to ask for help, and that some plates will fall. Picture a plate falling, “Oh darn”, try to keep that reaction measured…most of the time I see it is not a big deal. Sweep it up, and carry on. If others try to make you feel shamed (which can happen in grad school and life), just acknowledging to myself that there is no shame in making a mistake, needing help or more time…trying to give the perfectionist in me PERSPECTIVE and giving her a great big hug in my mind, helps me. Your perfectionist is likely super tired and she needs your love and protection, and it is TOTALLY okay!!! Im not sure if this is helpful at all, but just know that you are doing enough, you are enough and its okay to put a plate down. Its okay to drop a plate. And no one should make you feel otherwise!!
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Day 16. I’m feeling beyond dysregulated, but its coupled wth clarity. I have in a way broken the thick denial i was using. Under. Ill have to unpack that shit. I know what it means “i dont have another sobriety left in me” because moving towards actual sobriety, no more bullshit, is incredibly painful, and makes me feel like I’m losing my mf mind. No one wants to feel this. But i know, I have no choice, if I keep using i’m dead or going
.
A living hell.
Im going to sleep for the next 4 days, kinda, because I can and I need to. I’m sick. Withdrawal is sickness after all. I’m logging off everywhere too, i’m shutting myself down. I wont use, and if i crave, i’ll be back here. I’ll be back for sure, its helped to use this space to get sober, to claw my way back to it.
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743 sugar
607 UPF
Still grey and cold out there. My brain has been totally mushy and foggy for several days now and I am not really sure what the cause is. Most of the time it’s hormones. So we’ll see. Trying to stick to basic tasks and chores while my brain is kind of MIA.
Peace and love always 
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Good morning friends, day 28!
Working from home today. I really just wanted to stay in bed… It was very cozy.
Too many people out of the office this week so I didn’t want to let this crummy cold I’ve caught put my teammates in a bind. I’m the boss the next couple of weeks and have a handful of meetings to chair today as well.
I’m feeling better this morning but still would love to sleep all day.
Have a great day!
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Day 699,
Off to do my class 3 drivers license today for operating a large tandem plow truck for this winter.
Unsure why I’m so nervous, as I’ve been in trucking business pretty much my entire career, had class 3 back when I was 18 (40 years ago) and moved up to class 1 at 21 to operate tractor trailers. But that was a lifetime ago and haven’t driven professionally for about 30 years now. Something about someone standing there with a clipboard perhaps has me a little edgy, though I’m sure I know more on this subject than the tester.
Anyway, wish me luck if you can… all the best of the day to you all.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1999. I hope everybody has a good one 
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That’s awesome about the hair and nothing silly about it. Yes- I’m sure it is getting healthier and this is about the time these changes take effect. The benefits keep coming.
Have you tried Liquid Death. I enjoy some of the flavors they have. Also the What are you sipping on today? Thread may have other ideas. I often tried to mix up mocktails early in my sobriety which helped.
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Sounds like you had a great time! It is possible that your hair looks healthier. Alcohol does a lot more damage than we’re able to see! As for the drinks, I’ve found flavored sparkling water! Maison Perrier, polar seltzer, etc. They have a lot of different flavors. Also celestial seasonings teas, sometimes I mix a couple of flavors and get experimental…add a little cinnamon! I have found that I love ginger tea with honey! Good luck and congrats on your days!
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Liquid death! They’re awesome but a little pricey! I have to admit that when I first brought a pack of those home my roommate gave me a questioning look…I said it’s flavored water! I started calling my drinks “my fancy water”. Lol I thought her concern was cute but with the name and the way they decorate their cans, I couldn’t blame her lol!
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Hang in there! It’ll pass and the freedom that you’ll feel once you reach the other side is indescribable! 
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Day 8250
I am extremely Grateful for what God has given me and especially for what God has removed from me. Have a blessed day everyone.
If everyone I meet is a knucklehead in my day WHO is the common denominator?
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Well said. Grad school isn’t conducive to self-care, so it’s important to remember to be kind to yourself. Submitting multiple papers at the same time is an incredible challenge that is unique to g.s.–no one in the profession ever does it–so don’t get down about requesting an extension. Let yourself breathe, and, if you can, learn to be happy with finished instead of perfect (I’m still working on this myself).
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Checking in on 136 THC free and 51 days MO free. Went to church last night, every first Wednesday we have a service. Sometimes it’s all worship, others it’s worship and a message. Yesterday was a message from a guest speaker, Guy Wasko. It was good..we talked about loving those they persecute us and it brought me back to step work lol. I dealt with a lot of that in my early recovery. Especially praying for my abuser instead of bashing her. Hurt people, hurt people. I haven’t been in contact with her in 8 years and I don’t intend to but I still pray for her. That she may recover, that she may get sober, that she may find true happiness. If someone irritates me or there’s just something about them that I don’t like. I pray about it. Bring it God, is it me? Is something wrong with me, that I’m letting this person get under my skin. 
It’s a cold rainy day here in Florida, counting down to my trip to Puerto Rico!
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Happy Belated birthday! Hope it was a special day for you. 41 and sober!
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