Hey, thanks.
I appreciate it.
Same goes to you. 
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Happy Birthday Dana! Thanks for making this place brighter.
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290 no desire for alcohol 
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Checking in on day 862. Training is going really well. Lots to take in but I really like the ethos of the place.
@Madds I hope your self care day helps 
@Just_Laura I hope everything is going better with your dad 
@JazzyS it sounds like you are really busy at work. Remember to rest when you can and look after yourself
@SupermassiveDarkStar I hope you are more settled now and getting good care on the ward
@JasonFisher yup, crazy how much better the information sinks in when we are not poisoning our brain huh 
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Happy Birthday Beautiful Lady
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Aw it feels so good to communicate and bond with a group that i feel understands me. Means so so much to me and i pray to be here for all of you as well.
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Thank you!
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Grateful for the many wonderful people here and the fact we made another day sober!
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Gotta say, Iām proud of the strength I keep finding everyday. The mental aspect is where Iām struggling lately, Iāve had cravings here and there at the peaks of my emotions.. but Iāve maintained sobriety. Itās weird to have been going back and forth in my head about whether I should just have that drink or not. Glad I didnāt.
What has been the most useful tool youād say has helped you push through those moments?
also .. 2 days away from 5 months free of cocaine 
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A sponsor and a bunch of fellow AA peoples phone numbers to call and be accountable to and check in. I still check in with people that were in AA when I got here 22 years ago. Sponsors have family work and life showing up too so having lots of solid AA people to ātalk you out of the stinking thinkingā does work.
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3276
I had an okay day today with work from home. Not so good was I had to take my cat to the vet. They drew blood for a blood test so I wonāt find out for a couple of days what might be wrong with her. It seems like this is a continuation from what she had this spring, when she had pancreatitis and elevated liver enzymes. It got better and she was really healthy for a while. Then she started losing weight. Weāll seeā¦ This has definitely affected my mood, though, and tomorrow morning I have my performance review. I donāt want to carry this mood and my worries into that meeting. Iāll have to wake up, caff up and power up in the morning so Iām at my best!! Slightly terrified they will say all things I donāt do well or need to improve on. My bosses boss is especially a critical person and he will be on the call along with my supervisor. Heās not one to encourage people. Wish me luck! Iām going to call my sponsor afterwards and one thing for sure is that I wonāt drink, whatever the outcome. Hoping for a bigass raise!! Have a happy 24 everyone.
Haha, autocorrect tried to change bigass to āgiganticā. Lol.
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My dad wasnāt the best dad and Iām worried heās also not the best grandpa. He helps me a lot w watching my son when I go to work. But my boy says he doesnāt like his grandpa, and I donāt blame him. Iām just worried that itās gonna negatively impact his development esp bc my dad is like the only consistent male figure in his life, and heās very emotionally immature and uses shame and blame to alienate children when they misbehave. The way he parented me had a lot to do with why I turned to drugs and alcohol and toxic relationships. Itās hard cuz our family is so close and my dad helps me so much and loves us. I just donāt know how to deal with the fear that itās harming my son the same way it harmed me. Idk how to make boundaries, I guess is what Iām saying. Maybe itās cuz I donāt really know what goes on when Iām not around and Iām not sure if itās that bad or not. Itās kinda impossible to know I guess. Being a single mom is stressful and overwhelming in so many fuckin ways!! but Iām still sober tho!!! And almost 2 weeks off cigs too 
life isnāt perfect but my kid has an amazing life even if his parttime caretaker is a bit of a dumb bully 
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Itās been over 2yrs since Iāve checked in; no excuses; today Iām 4days without a drink; breathing thru the changes; but most importantlyā¦. I know I cannot drink like a ānormal personā; I donāt want to go down that rabbit hole againā¦. 
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2371
Hoping for a better work day today as yesterday was crazy. Would like to go to my local Recovery Dharma meeting tonight, I missed it a couple of weeks in a row. I need to have some energy left. Or maybe I donāt and am just looking for a way to stay home. Iāll go.
Anyway. I slept OK. And Iām about ready for the day. Wrote my daily page, checking in here, 15 minutes of morning meditation to go. I like my little morning routine even when I have to get up early for it. It helps me to have as good a day as I possibly can. Sober and clean of course. Pic is from my commute, my first grammar school on the left, the best live music venue in the world ont he right. Much love.
@Kareness Hoping for the best friend. Good health for your cat and a gigantic raise for you. Hugs.
@BriCrowe Forming a clear vision in my mind of my last days of drinking always helps. Never again.
@Butterflymoonwoman Belated congrats dear Lady!
@Leveller Maybe the best Alfie yet!
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Day 45. Pt 2.
I had to cancel a volunteer obligation for next week. I also emailed two of my professors today asking for an extension on my last two final papers. I feel terrible about it. Depite the fact that this is my very first extension request since starting grad school, it feels like Iāve failed somehow. I just canāt keep all the plates spinning. Iām watching them wobble more and more dramatically, and I feel like Iām slowly unraveling along with them.
I was feeling very accomplished this morning. Proud of my progress this year. But after spending the day trying to check off everything left on my to-do list (and failing, miserably) I feel like a defeated blob of suck.
Fellow perfectionists, how do you get past this moment of grave disappointment in yourself without drinking? How do you self-soothe in a healthy way? Where do you find the grace to give yourself permission to (temporarily) collapse in on yourself without shame?
Feeling so exhausted tonight. So. Exhausted.
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I feel youāre already there dealing with it without numbing or escaping into drinking. Youāre talking about it. Sharing. Can you feel were exactly in your body your negative feeling sit? Itās not just in your head. Scan your body, identify points of pain, of pressure, of emotions. Breath. Feel. And come back to your brain, think about it. Talk and write some more. Communicate. Like you already do. Youāre doing much better than you think. Thanks for sharing. Rest. Have a good night. Donāt drink. Hugs Blanche.
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1343 days no alcohol and 100 without smoking.
So grateful. I have been feeling like drinking lately, but remembering all the ways it made me feel. Praise God.
Itās nice reading peopleās stories and seeing new people join. Keep going, itās totally worth it.
And as someone once said on hereā¦itās better to be sober wishing you were drunk, than to be drunk wishing you were sober. I wish I remember who said it..
Itās even better when you stop wishing! 
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I had a long period of not feeling like I was doing enough..so I started writing down all the things I did for the day..like everything. I got up, had a shower, cooked myself a healthy meal, watered the garden, slept, dishes, washing, chores, messaged a friend..like everything. Now imagine writing all those things down and trying to tick them off for the day..it would feel overwhelming and impossible. Now add all the other things you need to get done, such as what youāre talking about. Thereās no shame in taking care of yourself and then trying to do those extra things that need doing but we donāt quite get to them all. 
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Hello everyone!
DAY 98 - Check-in
I have been having symbolic dreams these past two days, and Iāve also been dreaming about old friends. The other day, I saw a message from my cousin (heās archived on WhatsApp, so I donāt get messagesā¦ heās one of the many I donāt want to hear from). He was asking why I am making him suffer so much without going out with him anymore. Also, misery likes company!
Things have really changed.
Before, that message would have been enough for me to owe him an explanation or go back to old dynamics. Today, I see in this just passive-aggressive behavior and some ego issues from not being at the center of my attention any longer.
Well, people change, and surely I donāt need to justify myself to anyone, because I have turned the page, and there is no coming back for me.
I drew a line in the sand and kissed goodbye to a cycle that has finally come to an end.
I donāt feel like I am missing out on people or events, nor that time is passing by.
Because I am alone here and donāt have outsiders as allies for now (or people to get involved in projects, creative endeavors, and anything like that), and also because I donāt have a regular job, I need to take care of myself and be kind of ruthless about it.
The door has been shut; no one from my past is allowed. I only look forward to the future, one day at a time. There is so much about myself that I am proud of at this time that I really do not care about holding on to my past.
Getting sober this time is a choice, not a necessity, and this is making a huge difference in the quality of my recovery ā¦
Today I am grateful for:
- Time alone
- Time in nature
- Time in general
Wishing everyone a solid 24 sober hours!
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Iām sorry to read this Karen. I hope the outcome of the test will be fine, I understand the stress this is causing you, and that itās hard not to let this influence the mood during your day. Sending positive vibes 
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