Day 3194.
It remains strange that a craving arises so suddenly. Odaat.
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Hey @OHsusieQ. Sounds like you are going through a rough patch. I get what you mean about resetting the timer but delaying it is giving yourself another excuse to drink. Its hard I know but I have found resetting the timer is a commitment to myself that I am trying again.
I am only 7 days in and I have reset countless times, so I donāt have the answer to make this go away. Having said that here are some things you may find useful:
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A relapse is a warning sign for me. It is a symptom of something not being ok. It sounds like you are reaching for a drink to cope. A lot of us have done that. Iāve felt the shame it brings on too. It is a sign that something needs changing, getting to the bottom of what is part of the battle.
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Start by getting the basics down - eat healthy food, hydrate, try and get consistent rest (as best you can - I know its not easy) and exercise as best you can. They help more than you realise when you are in a dark place.
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Keep posting here. You will see others struggling as well. It is a place of support. You may feel shame in relapsing or admitting it here but unlike most places we have been where you are. We are rooting for you.
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Donāt try and solve it all at once. Try to commit to doing one thing for your sobriety today. Just one. When youāve done it see if it helps, then use that to inform the next thing to try. Some things donāt work straight away, others do. Have patience with yourself.
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There is no shame in reaching out for help. Be it from local AA meetings or trained therapists / counsellors or other professionals.
The only way you fail is by not getting up off the canvas and trying again.
Speaking of failure I will leave you with this. Thomas Eddison and his team tried over 6,000 materials to use as filament before finding one durable enough for his lightbulb. You can either look at it as 6,000 failures or one epic success.
Keep trying. You are enough.
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Day 1513
The overnight went alright but I am feeling pretty tired. I got my son on the bus to school and then walked to the coffee shop for the largest coffee they had lol. Came home, had a shower, and now will do some cleaning before my ED zoom group at 10. I have to wait for my sons monthly formula order to arrive and then I can go to the gym. Then home to start working on fondant cake toppers for this cake I have to bake and decorate for April 12th.
I havent heard from the scheduler yet about our overnight care. Im sure I will hear from her today at some point. Would be nice to have care tonight but Im not holding my breath.
Hope everyones Monday goes well! Lets do this day addiction free!!
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Checking in, 343 days free of alcohol. I am an alcoholic and sick and therefore cannot drink at all. One day at a time. Always.
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Hey thanks for reaching back. It helped me to know there were people in the world rooting for me and people who knew how addiction felt when I was really early on. Iām just paying that back.
This is some great honesty. Changing such an ingrained and often devastating pattern in our lives is pretty all-encompassing in the early days of a quit and that is when you need that grit the most. Iām going to keep checking in on you to let you know that I care. Keep reading, keep thinking, keep checking in. 
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Good morning friends, 5 months (151 days) today. Off work this week with the grandkids out of school. Spent the morning at the zoo.
Have a great day!
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Checking in on day 466
Been feeling overwhelmed by life but definitely not going to drink or get high over it. Stay safe and sober out there everyone.
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five months! 
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Hello everyone, Day 219, and itās been a great day today.
We were out walking this morning, and it was a beautiful morning.
He wasnāt this clean when we made it home.
It was a nice change from the beach, but oh so much more cleaning up to do.
Had a full day in the garden; things are really moving now.
A really productive first day off work.
Iāve never stopped all day, but I found a great rhythm today. I was completely immersed in the birdsong, first on our walk, then also in the garden while I was working all day.
Today has been a good one for sure.
Hope you all make the most of your day too.
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Day 169.
Feeling better after a good nightās sleep. Finally.
Iām starting to notice that my cravings rear their ugly heads most dramatically when Iām sleep deprived. Iāve been dealing with some pretty consistent sleep disturbances over the last few months. I wake up in the middle of the night for whatever reason (usually at some point between 2:30 - 4:00 a.m.) and am rendered totally unable to turn my brain off enough to fall back asleep. Iāve tried Advil PM on and off, but I hate feeling reliant on medications of any sort. Grateful that I slept through the night.
Today, Iām focused on just getting through the day. Iām in a bare-minimum mood. I read something yesterday that said, āInstead of focusing on, āHow fast can I get this thing done?ā Iām going to start focusing on, āHow relaxed can I be while doing this?āā Succinctly, it laid out exactly what Iāve been working on lately. Regulating my nervous system. Stopping the constant running to-do list in my brain. Not needing to rush through every moment of every day of my life. Just being. Giving myself permission to exist and move slowly. With intention and care.
I have poetry class tonight. I really donāt feel up to going, but unfortunately, I need to. Giving myself permission to crawl through the day. Just do what is absolutely and 100% necessary. Shower. Zoom meeting for a gig at noon. Camera off. Sit in the sun for a few minutes. Go to class. Listen. Choosing to be a passive participant today. Cook dinner. Maybe take a bath. Is year 2 of grad school too early to be feeling senioritis? One year left.
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Thank you for the advice, I will think about that! Actually Iāve never tried to aim for any kind of a balance when it comes to sports, but it makes sense to build some balance for the future and be more mindful about that. It makes the change less forced.
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Evening check-in
Not much to report. I had a good day off today. Went for lunch at my friends, once I got home I did a siesta! 
I also went for a 7K walk in the afternoon, tomorrow I have to go back to work! After 5 days off, itās gonna be an early wake up!
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Day 147
To and from the hospital looks like itās going to be for a while yet. Took ages to get home most of the main roads were closed off.
The sun was out and the dogs had a nice sunbathe on their swing seat this afternoon.
No cravings at all which is good to see.
Hope youāve all had a good day
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Checking in, sober and smoke-free. It was a productive day work wise and also had a good time with the kids. In the evening I had a great table tennis session, I played with someone who is better than me and I could learn so much from the game. It was exhausting both physically and mentally, but I enjoyed it a lot. But I couldnāt help but thinking about smoking a cigarette all the way cycling home, to take the edge off this feeling, to blunt this rush of adrenaline. Positive feelings are bigger triggers for me that the negative ones, I feel powerless against them, I donāt know how to deal with them, so Iām glad I just came home, drank a lot of water and ate some food.
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Checking in - I chaired our morning AA meeting and did not share. I let the silence be until someone else spoke.
Followed up with a nice long gym sesh and a short shopping trip. Back home, I felt cautious after the fight yesterday, but we got along well. Took a walk in the snow and wind (goddamit, Mother Nature, itās Spring already!) together. One of my old coping mechanisms is diverting attention away from me and away from any troubles the spouse and I are having, and I used it again today, as soon as the walk started, I brought up politics and let her rant on for just about the full half hour of the walk.
If I do not drink tonight and tomorrow I will mark 21 years since my last drink. But thatās 24 hours from now, and I need to stay in this moment.
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Day 46. Still on holiday and enjoying time with my family.
This is easy street - no stress and therefore no cravings. Iām going to enjoy that whilst it lasts. I used to get cravings on holidays because I missed the āfun timesā drinking. I donāt any more, and for that I am very grateful. I do still substitute a bit mind youā¦ off to the gym now to earn something sweet tonight 
. Well, itās a lot better than drinking!
I hope you all have as good a day as you all can.
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I donāt believe this is entirely true. You said it just a few sentences before: you canāt imagine not being able to run. But, I do believe itās much deeper than that.
What would it mean to accept youāre not physically well? Whatās so threatening about it, that you canāt let yourself feel safe enough to acknowledge that you need help?
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Not sure what you have tried in terms of sleep, but after almost 20yrs of shift work and disordered sleep I can tell you what works for me.
Anytime im trying to sleep (on my own, when my wife is there I donāt need to do this) I play lofi music. Just loud enough to faintly hear it.
I started with different Playlist/episodes on YouTube music but have since settled on one or two. I play the same ones every time I want to sleep. They are 8-10hrs long but I generally put a sleep timer on. I guess its just a conditioning thing.
āRaining in Osakaā is the main one I use if youāre interested 
7 Likes