This is beautiful. Enjoy the closing of a fruitful chapter with all emotions that brings.
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Hello everyone!
DAY 225 AF
DAY 192 smoke-free
I am still uneasy, but I see many people are feeling quite out of balance in this period, so it could just be the collective energy out there. I am trying not to pay too much attention to it, connect with my HP, and get through the day. It was all good until a few weeks ago; now I feel something has broken, and I canāt find a way to fix it.
I am not feeling relaxed, and I have this feeling that I just want to leave, like Iām over it, done. I need a new chapter. Hopefully, it will come soon, though I still have to get through the whole summerā¦ God, I hope something will happen soon.
Probably itās time to start a new canvas. I took some time off, but the real break is a different one.
Today I am grateful for:
- drinking water
- having a place where I can recover
- trusting the process (I need to remind myself of this constantly)
Wishing everyone a solid 24 sober hours!
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Yay Day 151
Iām proud to be here particularly with everything Iāve been through in the last few months, and the clouds gathering themselves on the horizon.
I shall try and find something to treat myself that isnāt food.
My husband is still in hospital, my mumās cancer may have come back, my dad has to go in for some IV antibiotics, one of the dogs has got a nasty ear infection, both the sink and the shower have a leak.
Still the other dog is fine and Iām fine (apart from my normal three chronic conditions).
What a whinge! I am grateful that we have the NHS and I get paid leave to get through the worst of this.
Wishing everyone a wonderful sober 24.
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2028 - eternally grateful for my life these days. Someone started a conversation at work about the stupidist thing you did while drunk and when It got to me I was like ā please I just donāt even have the time, it was just day after day of soul destroying humiliation ā and thatās only the stuff I can remember.
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Checking in sober on day 49. Iām more excited about 49 than 50 because itās 7 weeks sober 
Off to watch a sunset with friendsā¦ Iām driving. I would never have suggested this whilst drinking because I would already be in the bar and thatās where I would want to stay. This is much better!
Thank you all for being part of it
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Good morning guys. Happy Friday and we go again. 
Day 33 AF.
Today I can draw motivation from how ill my last relapse made me feel. I learned a valuable lesson from that!!! Anyway, Iām halfway towards my longest streak and according to the ticker on the Try Dry app Iām over Ā£2,000 richer. Iāll convert some of that into Czech Krona for a trip to Prague at the end of the month.
Make it a great sober 24 guys. 
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870 sugar
734 UPFs
It cooled a bit down but the sun came to stay. Love the seasons changing, love the spring. They would not feel so meaningful if they were less dramatically different.
Groceries, laundry, and some such. Looking forward to game night, need to book a car.
Peace and love always 
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Checking in: day 28.
Hobbit mode activated! I am physically and mentally exhausted from this last week. Being hit by a car, pain all the time (more that usual), both my parents visiting, therapy, hospital, no routine, lots of cravingsā¦
So the next 3 days I will channel my inner hobbit. Get cosy, make soup and other home made meals (might even bake bread), jigsaws, books, comfort movies, etc. Got my grocery delivery yesterday so I only have to leave the house if I want to.
I need days like this to recharge. And I will do this without guilt!
Stay safe and sober 
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801ā¦ Sober, sober, sober
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Really? I do see a few people wearing noise cancelling headphones now you have mentioned it. The music is always super loud and I sometimes struggle to hear what the instructor is saying about RPM and watt level so I am not sure I would hear him with my NC headphones on. Iām in a bit of a trapped situation as well where heās very hard on us and bangs the bikes and taunts us to go harder and faster and more weight. Like yesterday, he was getting everyone to run the wheel at 100rpm on resistance 40, but came next to me and said 110 for you. My people pleasing and pride and ego drop me in this endless cycle of doing more and pushing. And itās a catch 22 because until then I didnāt know I had that level in me, and he made me reach it. I guess how athletes break their own thresholdsā¦ But then sometimes Iām dying and canāt breath or start shaking and my heart reaches 180+. Itās interesting what you say about the noise though, because I have terrible sensory overload in restaurants and packed high streets and I start to panic in that situation, so it makes sense itās too much in a classā¦ But because of my physiological stress Iāve never acknowledged it. Food for thought. Do you use the bikes with the light system on (white, blue, green up to on fire?). Itās brutal and thereās no where to hide.
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Good luck mate. Love ya. Say a proper goodbye, even if it hurts, donāt regret emotion.
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I have similar sensory overload issues which I used to drink to get around (noisy restaurants). Now I donāt book restaurants with sound reverb issues. There are plenty of places which embrace the comfy! Supermarkets are also my nemesis so in go the AirPods.
I use these in the gym( & at concerts) IsolateĀ® Earplugs | High-Performance Hearing Protection ā Flare Audio Ltd
I find they do exactly what theyāre supposed to do. By reducing the overall noise level the sound clarity actually improves for me and I can hear the instructions better.
Long ago I asked my spin instructress to let me do my thing and not come and harass me for more. I enjoy it more if I feel like itās within my control. I do have to mindfully push myself but Iām ok with that. It depends what you do the classes forā¦ but there is a ton of evidence that HIIT style training like this works brilliantly in small bursts and you do not have to hit peak HR for long at all. Absolutely max HR makes me feel a bit queasy 
itās YOUR time and YOUR energy so do what feels good for you 
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Five months!
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Eight hundred+
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Today we are meeting at 5:30 am. My bag is packed. Camera crew is ready. Iām ready.
Itās such a relief to not have to detox during a trip. Seatox isnāt fun. Iām glad I donāt do that anymore.
We have a lot to do before we set sail. Fuel up. Groceries, get 60 thousand pounds of ice on the boat.
Im about to spend more time at sea then I ever have.
Iām really proud to be one of the rare sober sailors. I plan to keep it that way.
Thank you for supporting my recovery.
I canāt. We can!
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Just a quick check in day 88. Was able to catch up on a few posts. So encouraging to see everyoneās progress despite challenging circumstances. We got this!
Have a great day/night all!
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Early morning check-in. I had a great womenās meeting lastnight. Was able to calm my nerves enough to check-in with them. I donāt know why I get so anxious/afraid when itās such an amazing bunch of women. When I have no reason to be.
Itās Friday. I have some things to catch up on after work, and I need to buy a birthday outfit soon.
Iām getting bad at remembering to take my night meds. Thankfully theyāre not psych meds but theyāre still important. I just think Iām on too many. Really need that new doctor to kind of come in and fix whatever all this is because I donāt feel right.
Wishing everyone well 
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Thank you so much, I was wincing inwardly until I opened the link and saw they were completely affordable! Thank you! I already have the Loop Brand earplugs that I use, but Iām not really great with that shape of silicone and the loop bit seems to cause me issuesā¦ Where I get obsessed with how the loop feels in my ear rather than enjoying how the sounds are dimmed. Listening to myself, I realise I do have issuesā¦ I cannot be near distractions when out with my partner or I just switch off completelyā¦
I was walking down Queens Park High Street the other day and had a proper meltdown with the people zigzagging across the crossings, the cars beeping and people shouting, fat bikes careering around the pavements (never have your phone out). Also, I hated the previous meal out I had with my best friends because the restaurant was so noisy and buzzing, my friend was so drunk and started getting louder and louder. It felt like I was a rabbit in headlights and I honestly just wanted to run away and sit in silence. Thanks for the link
You are so right about the gym classesā¦ but the really perverted part of me enjoys the drama and the pain of pushing myselfā¦ 
. I want to hurt. I know how sick this is, but itās a part of me I need to explore more as Iāve always pushed myself too farā¦ Itās similar with weightlifting, I donāt know I need a rest day until I canāt lift my arms. Itās a tricky situation for me to know when enough is enough. 
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Early Check in 1 Week, 5 days
I had to stop working early today. I have been back at work 2 1/2 days and I feel like I am drowning. I have a usual check in with my boss on Fridays and I physically couldnāt force words out of my mouth. I was reaching for them and they werenāt there. I ended up typing instead. It was really scary.
It is also a wake up call. I am doing too much, I am trying to take everything on myself. I look around and see all the people pleasing I have been doing. It took 3 days of instant messages, 5 emails and a message to my boss to get one person to fill out a form that they had done previously it was now just on a different system. No wonder I am drained.
I have a busy weekend ahead but I am taking time to look after myself this afternoon. I am going to try and look at what I can do and say no to the stuff I canāt. Iām starting small, unsubscribing to emails that keep flashing up on my phone, organising things so I am not so overloaded, pushing requests back when I l know I canāt meet them right now. Then comes asking for help, specific help when I know what I need. For now its time, space and rest.
I think I have realised that the days I can do set hours every day are over.
As hard as this all is, I wouldnāt have gained this understanding without recovery. Without finally saying goodbye to unhealthy coping strategies.
A report in my country pointed out only 3/10 people with Autism actually work. Iāve managed 25 years of it, keeping myself going by numbing myself to what I really feel, its cost me dearly. I abondoned myself to live the life I was told was the only option.
Time to pull back the rug and see what I am actually capable of.
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Hey all, checking in on day 2126. I hope everybody has a good one 
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