Chroncling my journey.. the good, the bad and everything in between


#42

I’m so glad you went!! Do you have access to a therapist? Maybe even go check in to a hospital? I’d love to see you get some help to get out of this hole you are in my friend. In case you forgot, you’re awesome and I love you!


#43

Thank you for always giving the love I put out there back… things are worst than ever. My best friend fought his brother last night. Everyone has an ice pack on their face but me, which I am thankful for. However I know I was a drink away from that being me. I am doing everything I can to pull me out of my hole.
I have definitely come to terms with the fact that loosing my gf was something that needed to happen because I wasn’t ready yet.
I also have come to terms with the fact that presently my father is trying every possible thing to bring me into his life so I may just give in and share a trip to church together.

I’m trying…
I’m trying so hard…
I’m just sick of crying at this point…


#44

Please don’t give up I believe in you so much!


#45

I honestly am giving it everything I have…
I’m just so sad…
I even went and tried to go for a run and I ended up crying mid run. It was gross. Lol


#46

Been there, maybe not the running lol but the crying! I just know that picking up will be much worse for you and put you in a bad place, you’re feeling real things right now and eventually it will get easier! You’re in my heart and thoughts :heart::heart::heart:


#47

Thank you so much for your kindness. I could never express how much that means to me…


#48

I know the feeling anytime!


#49

I just got home from my friends house. I took a bus downtown then walked in the rain from downtown home. It took about an hour. Something about walking in the rain, being drenched and miserable was fitting.
Currently I’m at the kitchen table, still in my wet clothes, listening to the rain fall and drinking coffee. I know there are things I should do today… Like find a meeting, eat, (it’s been a few days) I just have no motivation to start. I feel in a weird daze, disassociated and cold.


#50

How you feeling today?


#51

I’m feeling better than I have the past few weeks. I woke up, and had a few cups of coffee then went on a run. When I first quit meth last year, excerise and running is what kept me on the path. So today, I put on my running shoes and went. It allowed me the opportunity to clear out all the noise going on in my head and really think about things. I am aware that my sad and dark feelings will fade. That this too shall pass and to just give it time. So that’s what I’m doing. I can no longer just lay around and feel sorry for myself. For me to get better I have to decide to be better. Just have to focus on today.

How are you doing today?


#52

That’s been me too the last few days. I got out of my own head and helped a friend, which started the ball rolling in the right direction again. From there I did what was my normal too, painting vs running for me. Today I went to see my gramma even though I didnt want to do anything. Sometimes its the little things like that that make the biggest difference. One step at a time my friend! :heart:


#53

It is definitely the little things that get the ball rolling. Especially spending time with loved ones. How is your Grandma?


#54

Im shocked how resilient that woman is! At 91 she lives totally on her own now that we lost grampa last year. Sleeps on the second story still. Drives still. She was mad her doctor retired this week, he is in his 80s too lol. Love her to pieces!


#55

Excellent! Glad you’re doing what you need to, Im proud of you! Im doing really well actually I have two interviews scheduled for next week so Im really excited about that! I went for a good walk yesterday (i wish i was a runner like you) and pathetically im a little sore today, i’m ready to get back to a routine!!


#56

She sounds amazing, especially with still being active and driving at that age! We should all hope to be that resilient at that age!!!


#57

I’m happy you have interviews set up!! Did you use indeed? Lol. I hope your interviews go well! What are the positions for?

I was never a runner til last year. Even now I don’t really consider myself a runner. It’s more therapy for me. Who knows, maybe one day your walk will turn into a slow jog :grinning::call_me_hand:


#58

I agree! :heart: I told my 17 year old son he may just get to hear the birds and the bees talk today while we were there, he was like wait…what!!! She just gave it to me a few weeks ago, we got a good chuckle out of that. Never know what she will say or do next, she cracks me up! So love that woman. Todays priority was getting her answering machine to work (by turning the power on) and setting up the microwave my aunt got her for Christmas so my aunt can see tomorrow when she comes to visit that Grammas been using it…I told her she better make good use of it today lol!


#59

I had actually been applying to the post office but was upset i hadn’t heard back but apparently they have changed up their hiring process so that’s why it took longer i scored very high on my tests so that’s awesome so the interviews are at two different post offices!

I hope to steadily increase some day!!


#60

Lol, answering machines still exists?


#61

That sounds great. Congratulations on doing so well on the tests!! Things are really starting to look up for you! I couldn’t be happier for you.