Even that is progress from the addiction lifestyle vs sober. Instead you would be helping someone else trash thier credit score😄.or burning ur own boots to have heat in a crackhouse…financial freedom is a great thing and something i always wanted as an addict. i just couldnt ever get ahead. Worked my ass off day n night for nothing.
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Wow just coming back to reality from a 22 day binge… I get it from a lot of different people seems like everyone does it or knows where to get it. I asked my mother in law for help so i May be going to a rehab.
Sorry I’ve been a little lost but I do it by myself mostly now
I’m here again after a 22 day long binger my boyfriend May just be about done with my shit ):
Lots of strength to you Emileigh04, and others struggling with cocaine abuse. I am on day 25 now, and before this, most of the time I relapsed after about 10 days of clean time. Cravings are almost constant, but the intensity varies… I have bipolar disorder with depression, anxiety, OCD so when I’m all down I just want to use. The last two or three relapses were not fun anymore, I already was in a paranoid and anxious state of mind, and when the effect of my DOC began, I panicked and flushed everything down the toilet. Using is not relaxing anymore, it makes me paranoid and anxious, flushing money down the drain. But still my brain and body crave it. And after about ten days, the thoughts of all the negative effects on all aspects of life, in my brain, begin to fade. Like it saying ‘you recovered, let’s go again, I’m bored, take me on a hard ride again’. But now I’m working on finding different reactions to feelings of craving, therapy starts in about a month, and I try to play out the whole picture of my using in my head. After a relapse I always feel so drained of life, and my self-image is sooo negative and low (like my bank account lol). Recovering gets more and more difficult each time after relapsing. I have come to the point of continuing this cycle and becoming broke, homeless, possibly ending up in jail or even dying, or quitting. But it is hard I must admit, the thought of never using again in my life. I am aware relapses can happen anytime and come out of nowhere most of the time, very impulse driven. I just sometimes can’t stand my almost constant emotional distress. I worked for five years full-time when my addiction started. From the first try I was hooked, this was it, energy and feeling good. A little year later I was almost broke, first hospitalized, then institutionalized, lost my relationship of 12 years. And I still wanted to use, despite of all that happened, despite being a train wreck and my life totally out of control… Using for me is a downward spiral, recovery requires constant fighting… But recovery is possible, and we can do it! Those words make it seem like gibberish when in active addiction, and I must say when I just relapsed, they even annoy me. Reading others with so much clean time, … They deserve it, happy for them, but I don’t feel that. But if we follow our own path, even one clean day is amazing when in the throes of addiction… The world won’t applaude, others may not care or even believe it, but we know and that’s what matters. Good luck and much much strength!
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Had 45 days sober. Had to reset the button. May have pissed away my job. Lost my truck. My wife is ready to leave, I never heard speak about leaving, I know she’s tired.
Welcome Donald and good you are here. Sounds to me you yourself are tired of what you’ve been doing too. Which is good. Need to change stuff. You’re sober now right. Stay sober just for today. Seek help, which you are doing by coming here. being here has helped me a lot. Reading, posting, finding support and giving it. We are not alone. Realising that has helped me already. Success in your sober journey Donald.
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Hi Donald…
Welcome!!
Our addictions take so much from us and give us nothing in return. You’ve got 45 days that says you’re done with that one-sided relationship. Keep at it, day by day.
Being here has helped me a lot. Hope it does for you, too.
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I’m glad you’re back @Emileigh04.
My last relapse lasted over 2 months.
The one before that lasted over 18 months.
God! this is hard!
Hope you can find some new, better friends. With friends like that, who needs enemies.
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Thank you.
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Welcome Donald, and good luck on your journey.
Hi there… I think I’m on the same side of you all
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Welcome @Thay, realizing we are not alone in this battle, and visiting the forum when things get difficult and though helps me a lot, hope it does for you, too. Good luck 
Actually I’m a total mess right now
I have Borderline Personality Disorder and everything fucking little thing leads me to self destruction
Maybe look into therapy. There are ways to cope with BPD. People with bpd have a problem with thier typical thinking and empathy for others. It may contribute to your addiction but your never going to get ahead blaming it on that. we have the ability to control BPD flair ups by reconizing them and not letting it get out of hand. Look into soothing scenses and A.C.C.E.P.T.S to help cope with bpd. Getting a therapist would be the ideal thing to do…
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I keep starting over. I can’t seem to kick this. For the first time I hate myself for not being able to make a change. No excuses all me.
Yes OMG! I thought I was a loner…My addiction is crack cocaine and I’m 2 days clean after relapsing over the weekend.
It’s been a up and down thing with me but im going to try harder than ever before this time. Having someone to talk to and places to go to change your environment is very helpful.
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Haha your by far not on your own here. I havn’t touched crack or heroin in over four/five months now largely down to NA showing me how to live life without it, give it a try 
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