The last few days my mind is trying to convince me and tell me that just having a few drinks one night will be just fine… I have stayed strong but the battle is daily. Is there an end to the daily fight??? I am 40 days sober now.
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Yes! There is an end to the battle. It gets better and easier the more distance you put between your last drink and you. I’m on day 201 and I can actually go through days where I don’t think about drinking. Stay the course. Take it one day at a time and your mind will heal. Your brain chemistry is still adjusting. Be patient and be gentle with yourself.
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I’ve just got an email from my Google maps time line asking if I’m dead.
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Wonder what happens if you don’t reply… 
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I don’t actually know how it’s on my phone but every month it reminds me what a sad life I live. Sometimes I real sneaky and go somewhere new and leave my phone at home, I get great satisfaction knowing I’m smarter than a computer.
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My mind is telling me (on day 4) that I can have just 1 drink, it’ll be fine…
That is our addiction telling us that. You must say otherwise… our alcoholic mind can be baffling and extremely cunning. One day at a time, one hour at a time even one breath at a time. But for the grace of God go I…
it probably would be fine but it would be odd, why would you drink, your not a drinker that’s not who you are anymore. be strong. 
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my mind is hopeful today. i feel rested after lastnights thinking and then rest.
i woke up at 6:45am am i just want to be a little better then yesterday; a little cleaner, healthier, smarter, kinder; there is a lot of work i have to do.
easy does it
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I can’t go on the way I am going at some point I must just bloody stop. It’s there I can feel it but I gotta get that ball rolling.
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@anon43625156, sounds like you are in a good space today. 
@Dolse71, you are finding your way…taking the long way maybe…but you are still working at it. Can’t fault that. Sending some strength your way. I would send positivity, but I am a dark cloud at the moment.
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This journey isn’t a straight line @Dolse71. Just don’t quit. You’re so very much worth fighting for.
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Thank you, a good night’s sleep has helped me restore a bit more oomph to my brain and leveled out my anxiety. Idk if the generic Wellbutrin was ramping up my anxiety or not…this is a tough time to be starting up on it again…so perhaps for the best if I wait awhile longer…not sure I can handle a settling in period right now with any meds.
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I’m so lonely, I just want to stop drinking.
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I’m gonna ramble, I know my Higher Power is with me at all times, even while drinking I’m sitting listening to AA speeches, I am not alone, my mind I believe so complex until I hear another person put it into words then suddenly it seems so simple. I don’t know how to stop drinking but I don’t know how to stop trying, I feel it coming, I’m pretty much brain washed with recovery, this is hard, this is lonely but I believe this is what’s meant to be it can only make me stronger, I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t care I would be quiet feeling sorry for myself but I can’t hide anymore I’ve got to put it on the line, I’m an alcoholic but it’s going to be on my terms. God be with you.
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During my 7 months of trying, every single day, and failing 99% of the time … quite a few folks here said things like:You’re right where you’re meant to be, and Maybe you’re not done drinking yet.
They helped me, even though I kept failing. I visited TS every day, soaking the info up. I kept doing that until one day, the stars aligned (or whatever).
The mindset ‘switch’ seemed ti happen when I got the hang of (to a degree) rising above my thoughts and looking at them as a curious bystander might … just observing, mildly interested and calm (head tilt to one side is optional)… then move on (possibly with a shrug, as if to say: ‘that was weird’).
Keep posting Paul. Pretty sure you have a big fan base here
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What does “my terms” mean? (Apologies, I genuinely don’t follow. 
)
Glad to see ya stickin’ to it, bud.
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my terms are I can either be the alcoholic that drinks everyday or the alcoholic that fights everyday. I’m getting some mental strength back.
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thank you. 
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