I’ve had so many relapses I don’t even believe the voice in my head when it tells me today is the day but I do believe that this journey can only begin at the beginning, there will always have to be a day one, OK so I’ve had a hundred day one’s but there is no other option but to keep trying. I don’t want to drink, I am taking this serious and I will succeed.
I’m either going to die drinking or die trying, today though so far I am sober, today I didn’t have beer for breakfast.
You lot absolutely amaze me, I’m going to amaze me one day as well.
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Struggling like fuck today,my body wants to GO!!! my mind is telling me I know it’s wrong to do this Emma but give ysself a break let’s go ,I’ve tried working ,sleeping doing nothing using gadgets,reading ,I can’t concentrate on fuck all,I’m fucking knackered fighting this beast today.
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so let’s just chat, let’s pass a bit more time. What’s been happening your end apart from how your feeling right now. Job, family, any decent films you can recommend, post me some decent music. what’s the weather like, anything.
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here’s a little ditty for you.
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Sorry to hear your struggling Emma 
Please keep logging in and reading lots. Read some of your own past posts too! You’ve been such a beautiful kind person about this forum, who shares caring, wise & wonderful thoughts and advice. Play the tape through. You have the courage and strength to get through this. Please believe that x
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What help me most Paul was getting honest with myself and making a decision to…
A lot of us here are on the journey with you.
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my decision has been made I’m going back to the basics, I had 18 months sober and made one mistake, I don’t need to over think it, I don’t need to add any thing new, keep it simple and do everything that kept me sober before, the only thing I need to change is don’t have one at Xmas. Sobriety is not complicated but it is cunning. Well not this old fox, not any more.
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You’ve got this Paul 
you know you can do it, you’ve done it before. I know you can do it. You are worthy of it. Go for it. You won’t regret it. Good things are coming. Once you make that decision nothing can hold you back. You’ve got this.
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I probably couldn’t have said it better myself, never heard this before but I did have to chuckle.
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Just went for a lovely walk in the country with my Mrs and the dog the sun was gorgeous then we went to asda and as you walk in there was a box of dark fruit cider, the perfect summer drink, I love that stuff.
So I bought a punnet of strawberries and went on my merry way.
I love this song and Demi one of us. She was doing so well in recovery, then overdosed but she back to doing really well again.
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OK I’m going to have a little Sunday morning rant bc I just read a post and I hear the same thing repeated so often and it causes you to use your drug of choice.
Why the fuck don’t some of you tell people what you are attempting to do?
You should be proud of yourself and shout it from the roof tops, if your addiction was a secret to start with now would be the time for honesty, there is no shame in wanting to be a better person and people that care about you will help you and take interest in your journey. Yeah your going to get the ones who won’t understand what your going through and these are the ones that definitely need to be told more than once bc they will want you stuck in your old habits usually for the benefit of themselves. So please share with others how you feel, your ambition your success and your failures. We can very rarely do this alone and trust me recovery can feel very very lonely at times as if your the only one ever to attempt it and no one around you gets what your going through or people should be praising you more for what your doing. If you don’t tell them they won’t know.
OK go get on with your day. 
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just woke up and feel like I want to cry, now got a 10 hour shift which on the plus side means I can’t drink all day but why so sad, its that bloody alcohol in my system somewhere, it always leads me to depression so here’s hoping I got out just in time and get through the day without any panic attacks.
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Hope you’re feeling better now. The drink always seems to lead you to a desolate place. It’s not worth it. Just for today resolve to leave it be. You don’t need the poison. No matter what your brain is trying to tell you.
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it’s telling me I want one work is shit today I’ve hurt my leg somehow and have hardly been able to walk for 4 days so a 10 hour shift is painful. I don’t want to go home in case I drink. if I drink today I’m just deleting everything and putting it down to life is shit.
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I cried all weekend, so I get it. I reached out to my doctor this morning to see about getting some medication help because sometimes we need that extra help, especially for depression. Drinking will only makes things worse, but I’m sure I’m telling you what you already know. Don’t give in to the drink. Stay strong! We’re here for you.
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Acceptance Paul is the key… Not excuses.
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did it, got through a mini meltdown, some luck and some awareness. Took a bit of time out also going to read living sober I’ve not read that one, I think we could all write a book about recovery just ignore half of it when it was finished.
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Alcoholics Anonymous, Big Book page 30.
"More about alcoholism"
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. THIS IS THE FIRST STEP IN RECOVERY. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently maybe has to be smashed.
This is where you’re at Paul, congratulations my friend.
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I don’t think you realise how grateful I am of you, I’m the one with the advice and encouragement, it’s very surreal having to sit and listen for a Change. You could be anywhere in the world talking to anyone but I think there is a reason you have found me and I believe good things could come of it. Thanks for now.
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