With these realisations it will at least be the last time that you are back to day one. It really does start that old obsession and compulsion back up all over again doesn’t it. Stay strong m8, you can and will get back to where you were, that I don’t doubt! 
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left alone in my own mind too long seems to invent a lot of problems that don’t exist. I wish I lived centuries ago when they used to drill a hole in your head to let the demons out 
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I’m a goddam addict and alcoholic, with one defence against the first drink, a power greater than myself, I felt it had left me but instead I just stopped listening to common sense.
I’m a practical minded person and like to think I’ve got more common sense than alot of people I meet, I’m sure we all think this, also I like to research the cause, outcome and solution to a problem, so why do I have no sense, knowledge, foresight, rememberance of what will happen if I pick up, why is this lesson such a hard lesson to learn.
I’m an alcoholic.
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today with the world on lock down and the streets so empty can’t we just enjoy the fact that life has finally slowed down from the I need, I must, I wants.
Shall we use this time for some self reflection, if it was the end of your days on this planet tomorrow would you be happy with your contribution to yourself, others and the planet.
Did you go and get your dreams or watch them drift away with time and blame everything apart from yourself when they were gone.
Survive the next few weeks or months and use it as a second chance at life.
It’s all out there for you but first you gotta discover what’s in you.
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Paul, best post that I’ve read in a long time. I agree with the blessing of having time to slow down.
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The darker the day the brighter I’ll shine,
The taller the mountain the higher I’ll climb,
The heavier the load the taller I’ll stand,
If it’s too much alone I’ll ask for your hand.
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don’t you love it when your feeling a bit vulnerable and someone likes your post from 2 months ago and you find yourself needing your own advice.
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This is hard but I can’t stop drinking, day 10 and I’m perfectly happy busy at work, then I go home and I’m took over, all logic and everything I know, experienced and studied just vanishes and for some strange reason unbeknown to me I’m drinking again. My trigger is being happy, I just lose the plot if I’m in a good mood.
I think by the words of the big book, I’m a hopeless case. I used to be homeless, maybe I’m just a bum with a roof over his head.
DAY 0, back again tommorow. Why oh why.
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You’re in now way shape or form a bum!! You’re a human with the disease of alcoholism. Times are tough right now, not knowing what tomorrow brings. Don’t get down on yourself. Sending you lots of love and hugs. 
Edit… I’m not giving up on you and I’m not gonna allow you to give up on yourself either.
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I don’t know what to do. Apparently I’ve got to be miserable for the rest of my life. As soon as I am in a good place it just happens. I can’t just stop being happy. I’m not laughing now though. I had so many days and I just can’t get back there.
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I have faith that you can get back there. You know if there were meetings going on right now that things would be different for you. Being stuck with only yourself and work is not healthy for any of us. Times are tough but we’re all gonna get back to where we were before and that’s going to include you getting sober again.
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This is what’s been on my mind for a while now and it’s been written out so simply in the book I’m currently reading:
But my eyes are open now and I have no more excuses left. I’ve been trying to deny it for a long time. But I see it clearly now and I have no other option (thankfully) but to continue on this new journey of concious living. This is the exact opposite of how I’ve conditioned my thought process but I want to be good and have good in return. And that involves shedding “my” identity with being a victim.
When I manipulate my thoughts, my actions or my reality to fit in a box of what I perceive to be acceptable, that’s me betraying myself and others.
Then the compromises in my head of what actions are acceptable because of what’s happened in the past, just continue to perpetuate dishonesty to myself and those closest to me… Creating loneliness, which in turn causes suffering. For myself and those closest to me.
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That hit home.
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Yes!!
@Dolse71 … I think @Englishd would be a good temporary sponsor for you, unless too many people have asked for his help already. I think it would be good to have a tough love person working with you right now. 
There would be the time difference though (you’ll be 5 hours ahead).
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18 months sober, 6 months sober, 1 month sober, 10 days sober, 0 days sober. Its taken years to get back here but here is where I am. I’m at a loss, I went from not believing in anything to finding my Higher Power, I was so into it I was one step away from standing on a street corner shouting, The end of the world is nigh.
I knew everything and yet I’ve learnt so little.
Advice needed please : Where do you look when you’ve looked everywhere, found the answer and lost it.
What do I try now?
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I was one step away from standing on a street corner shouting, The end of the world is nigh.
Paul this made me giggle. I could picture you with your gift to gab doing this.
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Donna we’ve had our moments and thank god for you. You’ve made me smile the first time today… x
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My brain telling me I’m ok your doing ok girl for a ex junkie that sold her body for her next fix your moving forward your seeing fear feeling fear and walking through it with faith and hope that today will be a day won.not bad em not bad girl .I am not what I once was …
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You keep trying that’s what you do.xxxxxx
Did you have a sponsor at you old meeting John or friends you can reach out to put ya thinking cap on cmon buddy I know you got this
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