I think what irritates me the most when I started this thread is when others pointed out in my share that my reference to women dressing sexually provocatively equated to me shifting the responsibility of my problem on the other people.
Just because I have an opinion on how people should dress doesn’t mean I’m not taking responsibility for my problem.
I’ve mentioned that several times on this thread. Yet people still accuse me of shifting blame. I find that unfair.
Hmmm. It does trigger me. I do see your point. I just don’t think that’s the only reason I’m basing my opinion on. I feel that I can still have an opinion without it affecting that I truly believe the power to maintain full custody of my eyes belongs solely to me.
I think its a particularly difficult issue. Lots of women have either been explicitly judged, or at least felt judged, because of how they dress. Too revealing, not revealing enough. Making too much effort, not making enough effort. Be smart, be sexy, be demure, be modest, be assertive, don’t be a slut, don’t be frigid…
I’m thinking about a YouTube video that did the rounds a while ago. The video itself is fairly gritty, with imagery that I imagine could be triggering to you, but there’s a good summary of it here:
Not to say those type of standards and expectations aren’t there for men either. But as your post specifically discusses women, it makes sense that most of the comments have been in response to that.
Edit to add, the full text version of the poem by Camille Rainville here -
yes! love this. she’s lucky to have you as a dad!
These types of conversations always devolve into women arguing with women. Pic related. 
@KevinesKay Andre is right. Stop worrying about what other people think and master your own mind. Get a male sponser in SA/SAA/SLAA and spend time with men who live the kind of lifestyle you respect and want.
i dress how i want to dress and if that has any effect on a mans desire to masterbate well, it doesn’t sound like my problem but his. so imma go about my business and keep my happiness top priority. i’m so over women getting blamed for mens reactions to them just by the way she dresses. YAWN.
the exception is in buddhist temples where women are required to cover themselves.
The whole thread has been really civil and it seems to me that everyone has the opportunity to speak and be heard 
Indeed. This reminds me of the What Were You Wearing? art exhibit regarding sexual assault.
Cheers. You know what’s funny. I took my kids to Vietnam in 2018 which was my 3rd trip and Mouse my daughter was getting tons of weird looks as she is very tall for her age and has done her nails and hair for ever and likes to look good ( expensive kid lol ) we went back in 2020 and every woman is now dressed that way lol . I find this topic weird because I myself don’t blame porn, provocative advertising or dress sense on someone’s behaviour, same as I don’t blame the bottle shop for me being arrested.
maybe i can help, since not always but i often dress in revealing clothing: it’s because sometimes not only do i just enjoy the way it looks and feels but also honestly i just feel like showing off, sharing something beautiful with the world for the sake of sharing beauty and the glorious abundance of female sexuality. not to hide it but to celebrate it and own it. especially after thousands of years of the repression and literal burning at the stake of females who embody and own their natural powers and refuse to be exploited for them. for me it’s a power move and an expression of my freedom and love for my healthy body.
and of course it’s personal for everyone. just know that people who are comfortable showing their shape and their skin are not nearly all broken. yes some struggle with their sexuality and self worth, and feel the need to expose themselves for validation or any other number of unhealthy reasons. but there’s no way to know just by looking at them — that’s why we can’t ever cast generalizations. not on this or anything else.
for 8 billion people there will be 8 billion reasons for each and every human choice.
i personally just do it cuz mostly i think it’s hot and i like to feel hot. is that all i care about? no. i’m a complex human like all of us. and if i had to walk around the world worrying about who i’m triggering with how i look, what i say, how i do things … i would be better off a corpse. so ultimately just like everything it comes back to you and how you handle yourself. regardless of what anyone else is doing. you don’t know their story, you only have your own story to understand and also edit if you feel like you don’t like where it’s going. you can’t edit anyone else’s. unless someone’s inflicting actual harm on a helpless victim, it’s simply a matter of live and let live.
To be fair, @KevinesKay has made it clear that he isn’t blaming anyone else for his addiction/ behaviours. And of course he is capable of speaking for himself, but I am butting in as I created and named the topic which I am now realising may have contributed to some of the conclusions being drawn in the rest of the conversation.
There is no arguing, just civil discussion. And more than half of the posts was made by men. Perhaps keep the false accusing, perhaps even stereotyping at home, please.
And, if a woman wants to work at hooters, she’s allowed to. If a woman wants to wear revealing clothes, she’s allowed to. THEY decide over their body. They have the mental capacity to decide what to wear. They’re just as much human as men are for Pete’s sake. I don’t get why there are men who feel the need to save women when those women choose to have such jobs. It’s their right. If it were very muscular men working at hooters, there’d be no problem, right? “Because men have the mental capacity that women don’t.” Correct?
I’m veering slightly off topic, but in all the time I’ve been on the forum there’s been a relatively tight rein on images or conversation/threads veering towards areas that could be problematic for people with sex addiction, and yet while keeping things as respectful as they’ll ever be between a large group of relative strangers, there’s STILL people on a regular basis that turn up and then use the private messaging facility to make women on here uncomfortable, to the point some have left. For the life of me I don’t understand wtf that’s all about. Or is it because I’ve always avoided social media because it just seems like platforms for hate and narcissism and this sort of bollocks happens all the time, everywhere?
Apologies for the slight tangent @KevinesKay!
Well said 
No that’s ok, I don’t think anyone response has been off topic. You have to have various ideas to be a discussion.
Interesting topic, indeed.
While for some the idea of how someone dresses, how someone objectifies themselves can be triggering or damaging to others I can only remember that I’m only in control of myself, it’s difficut at times. But I need to learn that.
I honestly can say I don’t dress provactively for a guy, I don’t wear tight jeans I don’t know how guys do. But that’s a topic for another day. But I’ve been objectified my entire life as a dude.
Women find me attractive, whichever role I’m in, whether it’s in uniform, or my everyday, I either look like a cop or a rockstar. Apparently im perfect to have sexual encounters with, but add more to that and I’m on the outside.
It’s tiring, I’m 38 years old, I struggle with mental health, and addiction. While I can easily find a new flavor of the week, all I ever wanted was just one, to accept me and all of me. A Best friend a wife Instead of hey thanks for the roll in the sack, I always wanted from you
So to say it’s regarding dress, can be completely irrelevant, you can objectify someone wearing a burlap sack…
When I’m not at work, it’s usually jeans and a hoodie or a t-shirt, I wear loose fitting jeans, more often than not a beanie, and in fact @Olivia could verify this as we video chat on the regular. Hell I don’t even think she knew I had tattoos until I wore a short sleeve shirt once
At the end of the day I do understand where your coming from at @KevinesKay that being somewhere like the beach could lead to your eyes wandering under some sunglasses, but I’ve came to the conclusion that society will do what society does in the 50s Elvis Presley was shown from the waist up to avoid he’s “provocative movements” yet today we can paint on a naked body and call it outerwear. Addicts are everywhere yet we are still looked at like the 1%
Can I come out now? 
Whew…
Andre, I’m surprised too. Because I knew I was marching towards the firing squad.
And it may not be over yet. There might some snipers lurking around waiting to take their shot at me.
I guess I don’t get the most “likes” award today.
It seems like you enjoyed the show. Looking back, I found it somewhat fun. Yet I was anxious and nervous the whole time.
Because it’s not often that I welcome confrontation. That’s my sickness. I need to address it.
For those that participated, thank you. I really actually appreciate it. By discussing this with me, many of you showed a sense of value and self-worth that I truly envy.
And this was a big step for me. The issue is important to me. But not as important as my need to speak up for myself. And I’ll probably find myself needing to confront again. I have to. It’s now part of my program.
That doesn’t mean I need to be a jerk and start trouble everywhere. I don’t want that. And I accept that my social skills may not be the best. For those instances in which I may have crossed the line, I’m truly sorry. This is all very new to me, but also necessary. So thanks again.
A special thanks to @siand for all of your help and moderation.
Let me also share that although we all have different opinions, that’s okay. I still choose to like and accept all of you where you are at.
Really well done. Couldn’t have done that. So congrats on doing this step. Confrontation is a big issue. 
This is what I refer to as “the Golden Rule”. Many men would be love hearing such a thing said to them from a woman. So the idea of “returning the favor” doesn’t seem far-fetched to me.