I’m petrified lol but…I’m gna do it anyway 
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Good stuff Stacey you can do this willingness is the key get to as many meetings as you can consistently and work the steps weekly minimum.
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Gawd, I have chills. This sums it up on SO MANY raw levels that I’d guess most of us, if not all, can relate to your words and struggles. You’re a brilliant writer and you have the clarity to know the difference between what our realities are. I feel like I’m waiting for a hefty failure. In 8-days, surely I’ll crack at some point and come back. I hope not. But I have that fear of, “It’s okay, we all relapse”…Lord knows I’ve tried three other times in the past, two were court appointed. This, my 4th attempt, is by my own volition caused by guilt and a gnarly hangover, too many days in a row.
Godspeed to you. You honesty has GOT to inch you closer to your sobriety.
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I appreciate the support so much. I feel so useless at the moment. I have chronic pain to deal with aswell I have to reset again if I’m honest because i abused the pain medication. I feel great and my pain is low so I got some stuff done which was awesome. But if I’m honest with myself I abused them because I couldnt get my DOC. It used to kill my pain so easy and I could function better physically. But yeah I avoided my DOC which is great but I substituted it for another if I’m honest with myself. So checking in at day 1 a friggin gain. AGAIN!!! I feel so useless. Physically and mentally. Suicidal as heck. Everything is overwhelming and I’m holding on as tight as I can…just for today. I found a sponsor…yay…right? I’m scared but excited that maybe I can make it. I am also starting weekly dicipleship with a mature Christian. Meetings I’m gna try better to get there. But I am poor atm cause I cant work cause of my hands. They are busted, it’s where the chronic pain comes from. Anyway…day 1. Again. If anyone’s over it and you wanna stop following I totally understand. Day 1 over and over and over and over and over again. Useless. But I’ll try again 
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And you’ll never give up, ever.
I’m glad you checked it, Stacey. I’m sorry that you’re struggling with this.
You made a clear choice to reset. It sucks. I know. But you were true to yourself. And you created a sober plan. You got a sponsor. you’re getting to the meeting, checking in on TS, etc.
Just get all the help you need because doing this on our own is impossible.
Hang in there. Just don’t give up, ever.
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I hope I never do…
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6 hours to go to make a full day and work on day 2. I am going to a meeting shortly just had some dinner making a coffee to go. I’m ready. I feel crazy…tryna get sober. Like a voice that’s like…you’ll never do it why bother…but I wanna try. I just wanna get sober for ever and shut that voice up. Who knows. But here’s my check in. I may be back later. But wahoo 18 hours sober is still sober time. Hope you are all well xo!
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Meeting complete…I cried. I didnt wanna go. I hated it. It was helpful. And I will keep going.
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Craving…going to sleep
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Do what you gotta do Stacey. What ever it takes.
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you’re gonna have to get through the initial withdrawal stage. It’s tough, and it could last a couple of weeks. you’re doing great though. Making yourself to get the support you need.
You want to get sober. I know you do. It’s just that your unconscious mind, the part of us that control our decision making, still wants to get it’s fix.
Every day, reach out. Call your sponsor, log into TS, get to a meeting, read NA literature. You’ll need everything in your arsenal to get through this. Every day, several times all through the day.
And again I say. Never give up, never.
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Right now its having a nap lol cause I’m tired as hell and I am getting like cravings. So I’m gna have a nap then wake up and tackle either the dishes or the bench I needa clean and hopefully get to the supermarket.
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You can do it I believe in you.
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Sorry team i got my counter wrong. I’m on day 3 now. But 2 full days clean still. I went to an NA meeting. I shared. I listened. Just for today, I am grateful for my relationship with God, who cares for me. I am grateful for another day sober. I am grateful for the pain it took to want sobriety. I am grateful for the despair that lead me to need God, who loves me to a degree I will never understand. I am grateful I cried and hurt and learned to want more for myself.
Soldier on my sober friends. A shootout to @anon12657779 @ThajokerNL @Matt @SoberWalker @Dolse71 @crystalclear @Sober30Free @KevinesKay and there will be more I’ve forgotten to mention.
Thank you all for being in the trenches with me and pushing me in my deepest moments of agony.
Love you all my beautifully fragile indestructible companions. Here’s to another day sober…just for today xo
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stay strong Stacey. Keep praying!
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This is the other thread I post to sometimes if anyone wants to have a read - usually just tangents to be honest
Continuing the discussion from Checking in daily #5 :
Yes, JUST FOR TODAY!!!. We ask for no more, we need for nothing tomorrow, we’ve got everything we will ever own in our heart right here right now.
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Let’s buckle up for today, we can do it Stacey!!
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Its 1.45am…I cant sleep. I’m craving. Fighting hard for day 3 right now. But day 3 is as important as day 1…or day 100 or day 1000. Day 3 is something worth fighting for…guess today I’m one of those people spring cleaning at 2am…
But one of those SOBER people cleaning ag 2am
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we’ve all been there. Stay strong. Each day won is so worth it. The cravings will pass. And you’ll be glad you stayed sober in the morning.
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