We missed you, Stacey. Glad to have you back.
I relapsed recently too. But we never give up, never.
Tell us how everything went down. Maybe thereās a learning experience to be discovered here.
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I think Iāve been feeling super lonely and my ex came to hang outā¦along with all his habits . 
. It was just the worse idea ever, but i miss him and I was just feeling really down and he came over and yeah thatās all we use to do.
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I understand. I hope you can find a better support system to lean on to help curb the feelings of lonliness.
This ex of yours seems like a major trigger. I would consider hanging around such people a major boundary violation.
Any ideas on getting some more healthy friends in your life?
I know you.mentioned previously that your church friends canāt relate much to your struggles, but my experience in the church (and I have a lot) is that shame keeps churchgoers from truly sharing whatās truly going on inside them. I find it hard to believe that none of them can relate to what youāre going through.
In my experience, I made it a habit to include some men from my church in my recovery plan. They are on my phone Buddy list And some of them can relate more to addiction then others. But most of them value my friendship and honesty with them.
Iām sure your church friends would agree that it would be better to draw support from them than a triggering ex-boyfriend. I guess what Iām saying is, if you canāt find better support and friends elsewhere, donāt rule them out.
And Iām glad to see you again. You were missed.
Yeah I would say 100%. I dna what I was thinking. 
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One of the most biggest challenges in recovery is letting go of old coping strategies and embracing new, healthier ones.
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Iām sorry for letting everyone down
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No, @swam. Donāt be sorry about that. I understand how you feel though. I felt the same way when I relapsed a couple weeks ago. But no one here made me feel any shame about it. They were just glad I was back. Youāre doing your best. These changes sometimes take time. Just donāt give up, ever.
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I second every word of this. Donāt feel sorry for letting us down & Iām glad youāre back! Just donāt give up. 
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Checking inā¦officially one day. Again. I am going insane. INSANE. Just do better Staceyā¦
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Donāt give up. Donāt quit trying. You are worth fighting for. Think about what you can do differently this time and then do it. Weāre always here for you.
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Have you tried SMART, AA, NA, therapy, counseling, medication, rehab or IOP?
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I want to go to an NA Iāve found but I just havent had the courage to actually do it if Iām honest 
. Iāve been in therapy for over 2 years now. Had some heavy stuff I had to work through. I think my emotions have been relentless lately and doing all the steps I need to do just wasnt changing anything and I gave up the fight I guess. Not ultimately I guess cause Iām here. But I give up in moments because I just dont feel like I have it in me.
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I made excuses not to go to SAA for a couple of years.
I already have accountability partners.
SAA isnāt Christian.
There isnāt a meeting in my area.
Finally showing up at a meeting made me feel a lot less alone. Everyone there was so much like me. It was refreshing. I felt at home.
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So you would reccomend it then?
I didnt use today #winning
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I did everyone of those things I listed in order to get sober. Could I have gotten sober by just doing a few of them? Maybe, but it wasnāt worth the risk. My desire to get sober trumped any other feelings I might have had. Itās called the gift of desperation. Hopefully something clicks for you soon that makes you really want to get, and stay, sober.
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Tbhā¦part of me doesnt think I actually canā¦not for good. And I know thatās such messed up thinking. But in the back of my brain i feel like every time Iāll eventually cave. Iāve last 7 months longest and it still tripped me up. In the back of my mind I dont think I can actually do it. Iām tryna change that thinking. But its proving to be quite tough
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I canāt do it either, not without help. Thatās why I would recommend getting more help.
I would recommend adding an NA meeting to your sobriety toolbox.
1st step: I canāt.
2nd step: He can.
3rd step: I think Iāll let him.
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Iām shy, embarrassed, a total know all and AA was a fucking stupid idea but to be honest with myself how could I not go, how could I not take the risk of doing everything in my power to help myself. surely if Iām not prepared to try everything and anything then I donāt want to stop as much as I think I do. Go to that meeting, try it, last night was my 3rd and I thought it would be my last because I still thought they were crap but it was the best yet and made me walk out proud of me and my sobriety. You owe it to yourself and remember the door swings both ways you can leave anytime you want but the ones that leave are probably dead now or worse still living life as an addict.
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