Daily Gratitude - Recovery from Porn Addiction


#62

Keep hanging in and focusing on the things you’re grateful for.


#63

Thanks Pirate! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you reaching out when I’m feeling low.


#64

I am grateful today for:

  • Channing for the better. Hard, every time, but always worth the character growth.
  • Friends who I confide in. Far and few between currently, but something that I should continue to grow and lean on when needed.
  • Honesty of others. I had an acquaintance of mine recently tell members of my faith of his struggles; oddly enough, it is the same problems I have. Small world for a moment, but it made me realize that the battle I fight sometimes is a silent one. I was there once - sometimes still am - but I hope he is able to get the help he needs as well.

#65

58 days clean,

Today I’m thankful for snow. My son loves it and he is so excited when he wakes up to see the world blanketed in white. Soon enough I’ll be able to hand him a shovel and tell him to get to work :grin:

I’m grateful for the company of my friends while we vacation together. In my initial attempts at sobriety I judged them for their lack of discipline with their various DOCs. I am not allowing other people’s actions to tempt me into making decisions based upon impulse. I can still operate with intention and show them compassion regardless of the circumstances happening around us.

I’m also grateful that my wife and I seem to have found a possible solution we are researching to see if it can bring healing to me and to our relationship. I’m a believer in the helpfulness of yoga when it comes to addiction. TRIGGER ALERT: Because my addiction is sex-based, I wanted to start practicing more intention in the bedroom. Tantra is essentially yoga for the bedroom. Time will tell if it’s indeed helpful, but I’m about to pick up a book and start the journey. Her and I have committed to weekly discussions about the content we read. Our own little book club.


#66

Very inspirational! Keep up the good work. Daily gratitude is always useful. What have you noticed since you started doing this?


#67

Thanks Redemption,
I have been addicted to porn since I was a teenager. Around 20 years. I admitted that I had a problem about 4 years ago and I have been in a cycle of relapse most of that time with a few bouts of sobriety lasting 2 to 3 months.

I tend to obsess on the negative, I tend to obsess over just about anything actually. I think it’s a strategy my mind used to get me to lead me toward a masturbation session. Make me feel low and then numb my feelings with porn or sex. I find that I am better able to stay in recovery if I practice gratitude on a regular basis.

If been trying to institute this ritual for a couple of years now. Recently though, I think I have come to terms with my addiction. I have accepted that I can’t stay clean unless I stick to a program and reach out for help when I need it


#68

Thank you for sharing. It’s been around 20 years for me too but been in recovery for 5 years on and off. Been committed for a year now but only have gotten a few months at a time.

Thanks for sharing. It seems to have made a real impact in your life


#69

I’m at 65 days,

I feel pretty good despite the fact that my last two major relapses begin around this time of year. I have been allowing my impulses to dictate my diet and I have noticed that giving in to one vice makes the pull of the other vices stronger.

Also, vacation is ending and I’m headed back to work. I’ll have to stay vigilant and come up with a plan to get through the work I’ve been neglecting. I’ll have to hit it head on and create a strategy as I go. The good part is I’m headed into a slower time of the year, but the bad part is I can procrastinate if I’m not diligent.

Anyway, here’s my gratitude:

I’m thankful for a successful harvest. It’s amazing to be a part of this world and the seasons and cycles that keep us nourished and breathing.

I’m grateful for opportunities that have been coming my wife’s way lately. It’s becoming evident that the small community we live in is starting to recognize her work ethic. I pray that she is rewarded with a fulfilling job which might help to provide more time together as a family also.

I am so lucky to have this new place to call home. As I was headed toward the house after a relaxing walk I heard wolves howling as it started to turn dark. It sounded like there were two of them in the woods just a short distance north from the house.


#70

68 days clean today.

Ok, so I feel totally overwhelmed today. I feel like I’ve got the world on my shoulders and no time to get anything done. I think I am even using SoberTime as an escape to avoid work. There’s a ton of projects to complete at the new house and we’re still living out of boxes from the move in mid September. On top of that, all the work I’ve been pushing off is starting to weigh on me. I snapped at my son this morning because he was stalling like a typical 3 year old and I dragged him out the door after shoving on his boots and coat. I feel like shit for lacking patience with him. I feel like I’m turning into my rage-filled father.

To address the problem I need to get in the habit of a healthy morning routine on work days. Scrambling to get out the door every day on time is not helping my efforts to organize my life. Even if my wife refuses to get on board with a new routine, that’s not an excuse. I should lead the family with my example and allow the benefits to speak for themselves.

Anyway, vent session out of the way. So, here’s my gratitude:

I am thankful that my wife is receptive to figuring out ways to organize our lives so that we can stay on top of the chores that make parenthood and home ownership in a super rural area so difficult. Additionally, we are motivated to get healthy and to do more to keep mentally stable.

I am starting to remember how to communicate like a functional adult again and I am glad for that. When I am using I typically squash my feelings regarding a subject that might bother me until I hit the last straw and the thing I want to say comes out in a rage. I’m trying to take my time and not address a subject in anger while shining a spotlight on the ugly truth that needs to change. Instead, I’m trying to describe my issue and initiate a discussion for how we can come up with a solution.

I’m grateful for a three day work week this week. I’m not sure I could have made it through a full week.


#71

Keep doing the positive things your doing and thinking, chances are if you can tell a difference they either do to it soon will.
Great gratitude’s


#72

I work in a very high stress environment with an enormous turn over rate and we don’t get holidays or weekends off but with all that I’m grateful for job security, I’ll never have to worry about my job not being there!
I’m grateful for recovery friends, when I got to my phone after work today there were Thanksgiving wishes from several members of my group. I’m grateful my daughter was able to come home this weekend.


#73

Glad for your thankfulness today Pirate. Thanks for sharing!


#74

73 days clean,

Went through a rough patch. Still trying to let go of some past resentments. I’m learning and forgiveness isn’t easy.

Today’s Gratitude:

I’m thankful for my higher power. It does leave breadcrumbs for me to follow if I have the clarity to pay attention.

I’m grateful for everyone here in Talking Sober who offer their insight and advice 2hen I’min need of it. I’m so glad to have this source of collective wisdom to draw from wherever I may be.

I am encouraged to seek new ways of letting go of things that I can’t change. I have gotten a lot at from the guided mediation that has really helped me in the recent past. Prompts from members of the community here reminded me of the benefits. Thank you @aircircle for the advice. It’s amazing how quickly I forget to do the things that I’ve said I should do whenever I encounter a difficult emotion.


#75

77 days clean,

I am proud of myself for having the strength and clarity to recognize that running to my DOC will not resolve the problem staring me in the face. Previously, if my marriage was having a rough patch I could spitefully run to porn and receive the acceptance I wasn’t getting from my wife. What a self-serving egomaniacal ride that was. News flash, if you want to be treated with respect you actually have to have regard for the thoughts and feelings of others.

I am grateful for a wife that has a deep capacity to forgive and to open her heart despite the numerous hurts and heartache she has faced through her life.

I am thankful for the opportunity to be of service to others and for the way that helping others through sharing better correlates the negatives of using to acting out.


#76

Hit 80 days this morning.
Lately I have really felt less of a draw to porn and much more of a draw from lust/attraction in general. I guess I’m not really sure how to deal with it. It’s simple stuff; being attracted to a woman at the gym or yoga, being unable to expel thoughts of women I know which I’ve felt strong feelings toward in the past. I guess part of me feels like a creeper and I feel guilty for not looking for the soul beneath the aesthetically pleasing surface. Though the thoughts aren’t lewd, I suppose dwelling on it is probably not helpful and I know that a relationship with them will not fulfill me.
But there’s this burning curiosity about what a different relationship would be like. My wife was my first and I keep wondering if the grass is greener elsewhere. But I’m also aware that it’s probably the addict looking to get his fix from something new because he’s being starved out down every other avenue.

Anyway…Change gears, Gratitude inbound:

I’m really thankful for the clarity to navigate my thoughts and emotions.

I’m glad to have the thoughtfulness and kindness from nonjudgmental people in my back pocket when I need it. I’ve needed it a lot lately.

I’m grateful for the quiet and peaceful sunny winter days. Skiing will soon be an option!


#77

I guess it’s been about a month since I have last added gratitude as well. I have been, kind of, “sitting in the back of the room” so to speak; I haven’t been doing as well as I would like to and don’t want to discourage anybody else or cause others to weaken because of my own. I haven’t had a lot to be grateful for up to now; or at least, that is what my brain and body are continually telling me.

Recently, though, I decided that I need to be more serious about making this change in my life, and I was grateful for this moment of recognition. I feel tired all the time and wish to be better, so I am also grateful for the desire to change growing stronger. Thanks for this forum and community for setting good examples for me; I hope to begin to do the same for others. :slight_smile:

As for a list of my gratitude now that I am being grateful again (if that makes sense), I have a few:

  • I am grateful for the ability to change.
  • I am grateful for this forum and for the many people on it. I read a lot of good advice here, and when I apply the things here, I do better then when I try things on my own.
  • I am grateful for many chances at life. I have made lots of mistakes but I am grateful for the lessons in them.
  • Finally, I am also currently grateful for the few friends that I have; they are tried and true, and as caring and genuine as they come.

(Now this is more for me, but saying it to others helps me do better:) I am going to be stronger and more committed; just you watch me! :slight_smile:


#78

Today is a good day, I’m 83 days clean.

Hard to believe that I’m a week from hitting 90. I just need to remember to take it day by day. My wife has been on vacation and it’s been hard. We didn’t part on the best terms and I’ve been fighting off cravings. I don’t really want to use but there’s been a lot of instances where my heart races and my breathing gets rapid and shallow. I’ve really been using breathing techniques to get back in control. I can literally feel the lust and the addict trying to wear me down. I need to stay vigilant.This much alone time would have been spent a lot differently a few months ago. Now I’m actually looking forward to seeing her and having a chance to reconnect and discuss her trip. On top of that, I retained my sexual energy for my partner instead of feeling wracked paranoia over what she’s doing and guilt over what I’ve been doing.

Today I’m grateful for:

  1. Being able to feel emotions again. It’s a mixed up chaotic beautiful world that we live in and I’m beginning to sense what it’s like to be able to accept it all. To sit with an emotion that usually would have made me squirm and seek escape is proof that I am getting somewhere. No true accomplishment is easily won.

  2. My son! Sweet Lord, I am so blessed to have that little boy in my life. His daycare is close to my work and sometimes they take walks and come to visit. His face always lights up in this special way when he sees me in my office. He always runs to give me a big hug and it fills my heart right up. I’m glad that I’m mentally present to feel that feeling. I’m tired of missing out on opportunities to connect with him because I’m jonesing or my thoughts are elsewhere.

  3. I have noticed that I have somewhat improved socially. I think addiction and social anxiety go hand in hand. It must stem from the fact that we’re always hiding and sneaking around to chase the high and we think that intuitive people who ask too many questions are going to find out. Also, it’s hard to feel empathy for people in the depths of addiction because it is, by nature, so self serving. It’s difficult to be emotionally available when I can’t even process my own emotions…much less help others to deal with theirs.

Bonus: I actually feel sexy. Not only because my time in the gym is paying off but because I have confidence in my abilities. I know that it won’t always be like this so I’m celebrating that today.


#79

Day 88,

I’ve been feeling pretty good the past few days. I don’t have the constant barrage of negative thoughts streaming through my brain.

I’m taking my wife out on a date to celebrate 90 days clean on Friday night. I’m really looking forward to it.

Today I’m thankful for:

  1. The way my wife looked at me at dinner last night. It isn’t a look I get often, but it felt great. I suppose I would classify it as genuine pride. She said that I was “an inspiration” for making it 3 months.

  2. The way my son gazes at our Christmas tree. I’m usually the anti-consumerism sort but I do appreciate the tradition and the nostalgia of it all. There is a wonder that is cultivated during this time of year and I look forward to teaching him the meaning behind all of the myth.

  3. The level of health that I feel and the comfort that I have in my body. I became so used to the feeling of anxiety and depression and all-around dis-ease that I thought it was all that could be expected from life. I’m encouraged to know that there’s more to life and I’m looking forward to continuing the recovery journey. Even knowing that there may be many valleys to cross, the brightest days are ahead.


#80

Hey @Swim_Track_18 how are you doing man?


#81

Hey @Mtrav0040 :slight_smile: I am doing well! I had a great day today and, for the first time in quite some time, and very positive about where my life is going! Can’t remember the last time I said that haha. It’s funny you would reach out today of all days, but I figure things happen for a reason, right? :slight_smile:

I just caught up on the thread; congrats on the major achievement! :slight_smile: I am proud of you, and your example inspires me more. Let me know if there is anyway I can help more :slight_smile:

Otherwise, how have you been? :slight_smile: