Far too much to catch up.
Today I’m grateful I finally was able to calm down and put myself off the hamsterwheel of brain arguing with emotions while needs were running with scissors and nerves were having a hard time not losing their shit. Cause for this bullshit: the ex. Reason for this bullshit: me still not being through with letting go, focussing on myself and ignoring the rest of the world. Fucking codependent patterns. I’m grateful I can identify my own bullshit and distinguish it from other bullshit. The ex’s behaviour is annoying bullshit. My reaction and attitude are bullshit. No, I’m not grateful for all this bullshit.
I’m grateful for two wonderful days in a workshop for growing and harvesting different vegetable seeds this week.
I’m grateful I woke up well rested this morning.
I’m grateful for quality time with my cats today, we missed our snuggle times as the week was so busy.
I’m grateful for the beautiful weather today, the April-like rainshower in the afternoon gifted us with a marvellous rainbow.
I’m grateful I don’t care that the kitchen is a mess and the house needs vacuuming. Today I rested.
I’m grateful for some nice textchats and that a friend let me vent on the phone when I was upset.
I’m grateful I tried food delivery and can cross out one of 5 sunday options. The pizza was boring.
I’m grateful I still had salad and some other stuff at home to make a nice bowl. I’m grateful for cheese!
I’m grateful for service on the radio in the morning, listening to sunday service became a beloved routine.
I’m grateful I started the heating season and the buffer tanks are hot now. The solar plant doesn’t heat enough for warm water plus heating.
I’m happy and grateful all 3 cats are on and beside me in bed. I feel loved and a little bit ashamed that I still have episodes when I go to the hardware store for milk resp. try to get whatever me social human being needs from my ex 
I already did a lot better, his permanent presence here at the farm for two weeks is too much and he won’t listen. Well, I’m grateful today I told him some facts he doesn’t want to hear and asked questions he doesn’t want to think about and communicated how I feel which is saussage (German for he doesn’t care). At least I got all the turmoil off my chest adressed to the right person and he was annoyed and left. So none of us had a nice afternoon which is quite fair in my opinion. Yes I am bitchy today. No ex disturbs my only day off without suffering the consequences. I’m grateful I know this is not helpful and no every day attitude. For today I’m grateful I can be a grumpy, nagging woman demanding respect for her needs and refusing to take bullshit. ODAAT 
ODAAT!
I was in the front and dad in the back, with our daughter in the middle during phase one. When we entered the second phase, I had to put my daughter in front because I was losing my voice from screaming and my heart was intensely racing. Daddy was laughing hysterically at my reactions. I went to the front again at the third phase because it was completely dark, and you had to feel your way by holding the walls. I walked into 2 walls hard hitting my face, probably because I was in a rush to get out. As you go through, the floor moves in some sections and one of them, I was so scared trying to run but I wasn’t getting anywhere because the floor was moving in the opposite direction. I have never been so scared in all my life. I thought it was never going to end. That 45 minutes felt like eternity. My daughter was scared but not as much as me. I’m grateful she had a blast. It was a pricey day but I’m grateful we’re spending the money on family fun rather than drinking and drugging.
that’s a great scare. What lovely memories made yesterday.
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