Janary 15
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January 15~Melody Beattie
Standing Up for Ourselves
We learn some behaviors have self-defeating consequences, while others have beneficial consequences. We learn we have choices.
â BEYOND CODEPENDENCY
It is so easy to come to the defense of others. How clear it is when others are being used, controlled, manipulated, or abused. It is so easy to fight their battles, become righteously indignant, rally to their aid, and spur them on to victory.
âYou have rights,â we tell them. âAnd those rights are being violated. Stand up for yourself, without guilt.â
Why is it so hard, then, for us to rally to our own behalf? Why canât we see when we are being used, victimized, lied to, manipulated, or otherwise violated? Why is it so difficult for us to stand up for ourselves?
There are times in life when we can walk a gentle, loving path. There are times, however, when we need to stand up for ourselvesâwhen walking the gentle, loving path puts us deeper into the hands of those who could mistreat us.
Some days, the lesson weâre to be learning and practicing is one of setting boundaries. Some days, the lesson weâre learning is that of fighting for ourselves and our own rights.
Sometimes, the lesson wonât stop until we do.
Today, I will rally to my own cause. I will remember that it is okay to stand up for myself when that action is appropriate. Help me, God, to let go of my need to be victimized. Help me appropriately, and with confidence, stand up for myself.
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January 16~Melody Beattie
Prayer
As a matter of fact, prayer is the only real action in the full sense of the word, because prayer is the only thing that changes oneâs character. A change in character, or a change in soul, is a real change.
â THE SERMON ON THE MOUNT BY EMMET FOX
Erica Jong has said that we are spiritual beings who are human. Praying and meditating are ways we take care of our spirit. Prayer and meditation are disciplines suggested by the Eleventh Step of Twelve Step recovery programs: Al-Anon, CoDa, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and others.
Prayer and meditation are not necessarily connected to organized religion. Prayer and meditation are ways to improve our personal relationship with a Higher Power to benefit ourselves, our life, and our growth. Praying is how we connect with God. We donât pray because we have to; we pray because we want to. It is how we link our soul to our Source.
Weâre learning to take care of our emotions, our mind, and our physical needs. Weâre learning to change our behaviors. But weâre also learning to take care of our spirit, our soul, because that is where all true change begins.
Each time we talk to God, we are transformed. Each time we connect with our Higher Power, we are heard, touched, and changed for the best.
Today, I will practice prayer and meditation. Whether I feel desperate, uneasy, or peaceful, I will make the effort to connect with my Higher Power, at least for a moment today.
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The last post is showing 44/44âŚmy business is called Soul Healing Vibes 444, because the 4âs are all about connection with the divine for me. Which, speaks to the readings. Iâve been guided to put myself out there more. I created my own oracle card deck in 2023. Iâm working on a few books. I put content out daily that I am guided to write and I pull a card of the day. And Iâm being guided into more now. The thing is, all I do comes from spirit-I am just a channel. I do my best to get myself out of the way to allow spirit to speak through me to those who need it. The more I allow this connection to grow, the more in my life changes.
Some people donât get it, and thatâs ok. I used to be that person myself-we are all just where we are. I used to think that people who relied on god just needed something to believe in to make themselves feel better. I didnât get it. Now, thanks to working my program, I have come to learn how powerful and transformative having a higher power in my life truly is. And I am SO grateful for my daily conscious connection today. 
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This is golden truth.
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Yes!!! It sure is.
January 17~Melody Beattie
Acting As If
The behavior we call âacting as ifâ can be a powerful recovery tool. Acting as if is a way to practice the positive. Itâs a positive form of pretending. Itâs a tool we use to get ourselves unstuck. Itâs a tool we make a conscious decision to use.
Acting as if can be helpful when a feeling begins to control us. We make a conscious decision to act as if we feel fine and are going to be fine.
When a problem plagues us, acting as if can help us get unstuck. We act as if the problem will be or already is solved, so we can go on with our life.
Often, acting as if we are detached will set the stage for detachment to come in and take over.
There are many areas where acting as ifâcombined with our other recovery principlesâwill set the stage for the reality we desire. We can act as if we love ourselves, until we actually do begin to care for ourselves. We can act as if we have a right to say no, until we believe we do.
We donât pretend we have enough money to cover a check. We donât pretend an alcoholic is not drinking. We use acting as if as part of our recovery, to set the stage for our new behaviors. We force ourselves through positive recovery behaviors, disregarding our doubts and fears, until our feelings have time to catch up with reality.
Acting as if is a positive way to overcome fears, doubts, and low self-esteem. We do not have to lie; we do not have to be dishonest with ourselves. We open up to the positive possibilities of the future, instead of limiting the future by todayâs feelings and circumstances.
Acting as if helps us get past shaky ground and into solid territory.
God, show me the areas where acting as if could help set the stage for the reality I desire. Guide me as I use this powerful recovery tool to help create a better life and healthier relationships.
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January 18~Melody Beattie
Gratitude
Sometimes in life, things happen too fast. We barely solve one problem when two new problems surface. Weâre feeling great in the morning, but weâre submerged in misery by nightfall.
Every day we face interruptions, delays, changes, and challenges. We face personality conflicts and disappointments. Often when weâre feeling overwhelmed, we canât see the lessons in these experiences.
One simple concept can get us through the most stressful of times. Itâs called gratitude. We learn to say, thank you, for these problems and feelings. Thank you for the way things are. I donât like this experience, but thank you anyway.
Force gratitude until it becomes habitual. Gratitude helps us stop trying to control outcomes. It is the key that unlocks positive energy in our life. It is the alchemy that turns problems into blessings, and the unexpected into gifts.
Today, I will be grateful. I will start the process of turning todayâs pain into tomorrowâs joy.
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Todays posts all hit me.
The daily reflections reading-My drinking was absolutely a fatal progression in the works. I used it to numb my feelings, as the writing said. But it never really worked, they were still there waiting for me when I wasnât drinking. Often with avengence. So, I drank again. I start my day every day asking to be shown the way by my higher power. I donât ever want to take back the wheel because I know this is always when I crash.
In Godâs Care reading-I loved the mention of rebirth. My old life and my new life are SO different. I was dead to the world. Miserable, in my own little hole. I worked and I drank and I even did both at the same time by the end. My putting down the drink was good, but it wasnât enough. I needed that spiritial rebirth too and I got it. I literally give gratitude daily for this.
Melody Beattie reading-Yes!!! Gratitude again for the win. For so long, especially as an active alcoholic, I had very very little gratitude. I felt like a victim of circumstance & certainly didnât see how almost all of it was my own doing. Today I am grateful for all the things that didnât go how I wanted them to.
Every night I write in my journal and ask my higher power what I need to know. It was the anniversary of when my dad passed, and my writing was beautiful. It spoke of how my father came here to provide me with the experiences I needed to become who I am and even who I will continue to progress to be. He came here to support me, even if it sure didnât look like support at the time. Without the contrast in those ânegativeâ appearing experiences, I never would have learned a new way to rise above them and I wouldnât be able to take other peopleâs hands and show them a new way either. Even the things we think arenât working out for us well, actually are.
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Love this! Thanks for posting!
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Youâre very welcome!
January 19~Melody Beattie
Owning Our Power
There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become comfortable with that feeling.
How do we feel when weâve been victimized? Helpless. Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated.
Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often, it can prompt us into addictive or other compulsive behaviors.
In recovery, weâre learning to identify when weâre feeling victimized, when we are actually being victimized, and why weâre feeling victimized. Weâre learning to own our power, to take care of ourselves, and to remove ourselves as victims.
Sometimes, owning our power means we realize we are victimizing ourselvesâand others are not doing anything to hurt us. They are living their lives, as they have a right to, and we are feeling victimized because weâre attempting to control their process, or weâre unreasonably expecting them to take care of us. We may feel victimized if we get stuck in a codependent belief, such as, Other people make me feel. . . . Others hold the key to my happiness and destiny. . . . or, I canât be happy unless another behaves in a particular way, or a certain event takes place. . . .
Other times, owning our power means we realize that we are being victimized by anotherâs behavior. Our boundaries are being invaded. In that case, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves to stop the victimization; we need to set boundaries.
Sometimes, a change of attitude is all thatâs required. We are not victims.
We strive to have compassion for the person who victimized us, but understand that compassion often comes later, after weâve removed ourselves as victims in body, mind, and spirit. We also understand that too much compassion can put us right back into the victim slot. Too much pity for a person who is victimizing us may set up a situation where the person can victimize us again.
We try not to force consequences or crises upon another person, but we also do not rescue that person from logical consequences of his or her behavior. If there is a part that is our responsibility to play in delivering those consequences, we do our partânot to control or punish, but to be responsible for ourselves and to others.
We try to figure out what we may be doing that is causing us to feel victimized, or what part we are playing in the system, and we stop doing that too. We are powerless over others and their behavior, but we can own our power to remove ourselves as victims.
Today, I will take responsibility for myself and show it to others by not allowing myself to be victimized. I cannot control outcomes, but I can control my attitude toward being victimized. I am not a victim; I do not deserve to be victimized.
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January 20~Melodie Beattie
New Beginnings
Resentments are the blocks that hold us back from loving ourselves and others. Resentments do not punish the other person; they punish us. They become barriers to feeling good and enjoying life. They prevent us from being in harmony with the world. Resentments are hardened chunks of anger. They loosen up and dissolve with forgiveness and letting go.
Letting go of resentments does not mean we allow the other person to do anything to us that he or she wants. It means we accept what happened in the past, and we set boundaries for the future. We can let go of resentments and still have boundaries!
We try to see the good in the person, or the good that ultimately evolved from whatever incident we feel resentful about. We try to see our part.
Then we put the incident to rest.
Praying for those we resent helps. Asking God to take our resentments from us helps too.
What better way to begin a new year than by cleaning the slate of the past, and entering this one free of resentments.
Higher Power, help me become ready to let go of my resentments. Bring any resentments that are hidden within me, and blocking me, to the surface. Show me what I need to do to take care of myself by letting go of resentments, and then help me do that.
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January 21~Melody Beattie
Wants and Needs
Part of taking responsibility for ourselves means taking responsibility for what we want and need, and knowing thatâs okay to do.
Learning to tune-in to ourselves, learning to listen to ourselves, is an art. It takes practice. We can use our ability to guess what others want and need, and apply that skill to ourselves.
What does it sound like we might want and need? What would we guess would help us feel better? What are our feelings telling us? Our body? Our mind? Our intuition?
If we ask, then listen closely; weâll hear the answer.
We are wiser than we think, and we can be trusted.
What we want and need counts. Itâs important, and itâs valid. Itâs okay to learn to participate in meeting our own needs.
We can learn to identify what we want and need and be patient with ourselves while weâre learning.
Today, I will pay attention to what I want and need. I will not discount myself.
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