I LOVE today’s reflection. Every single day I do stand at a turning point. Am I going to move closer to my recovery? Or am I going to move closer to a drink?
I have to practice these principals in ALL of my affairs. My character defects will take me back out if I don’t consciously connect to this program, my sponsor, other alcoholice and my HP.
It’s SO easy for me to slide backwards. It starts with holding on to a little resentment. Then I may complain to others about it. Maybe I skip a meeting. Or my morning contact with my HP. Maybe I decide to level the playing field because of a perceived wrong instead of being who my program asks me to be. Maybe I take someone else’s inventory for them and tell them I know what’s best for them. Maybe I have a fear come up and I don’t talk about it with someone, so it runs my life. Maybe I have a problem and I don’t reach out to someone about it when guided to, thinking I can do this on my own. The thing is, I can’t. I’ve tried and failed at that route time and time again.
My Higher Power has shown me over and over I can not do this alone. If I try, my old character defects and my alcoholism is there waiting for me. I either step toward recovery, by literally actively working the steps, or I slide backwards toward my addiction that will welcome me with open arms. Today I decide, in each moment, to gain my footing with the steps or walk on a slippery slope.
I am grateful for this wisdom and opportunity to continue to step into change with my day today.
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 24
My powerlessness over alcohol does not cease when I quit drinking. In sobriety I still have no choice — I can’t drink.
The choice I do have is to pick up and use the “kit of spiritual tools” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 25). When I do that, my Higher Power relieves me of my lack of choice—and keeps me sober one more day. If I could choose not to pick up a drink today, where then would be my need for A.A. or a Higher Power?
I always struggled with the powerless part. But, in reality, the way this is worded is correct. I have lost the power of choice in drink. I can’t even tell you how many times I drank without my own permission. I would plan to have one drink, and then have 5. I said I’d never have a beer while driving my motorcycle, yet at the end, I had not one but 2 before I road it home so I could drink more. I tried the moderation plan and cut back for a little while, but then the days I would drink went from my scheduled 2 back to 5 or 6. I would intend to not drink for a period of time to prove I didn’t have a problem or for some diet, but I always quit on day 27-29 because I was close enough to day 30. Or, when I intended to stop drinking all together and I was presented with booze like every other Friday, I drank it anyway.
And, my friends, is true powerlessness. When I surrendered to that, I began to find real freedom. It took this program to see that. When I was able to put down the drink by chatting here with other alcoholics, I didn’t work a program or do the inner-work. So, I was just isolated, lonely and rather miserable with my same old life, minus the booze. But, even almost 7 years in, to live this new life I’ve been given by working the program, I have to keep my program and my HP close. It only continues to work when I work it.
It is truly awful to admit that, glass in hand, we have warped our minds into such an obsession for destructive drinking that only an act of Providence can remove it from us.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 21
My act of Providence, (a manifestation of divine care and direction), came as I experienced the total bankruptcy of active alcoholism—everything meaningful in my life was gone. I telephoned Alcoholics Anonymous and, from that instant, my life has never been the same. When I reflect on that very special moment, I know that God was working in my life long before I was able to acknowledge and accept spiritual concepts. The glass was put down through this one act of Providence and my journey into sobriety began. My life continues to unfold with divine care and direction. Step One, in which I admitted I was powerless over alcohol, that my life had become unmanageable, takes on more meaning for me—one day at a time—in the life-saving, life-giving Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Tonight I’m reading Sermon On The Mount, and my reflection is on this today.
“All real spiritual understanding must necessarily be accompanied by definite moral improvement.”
“It is utterly impossible to make any real spiritual progress unless you are honestly trying your very best to live the life”
This spoke to me today. Knowing is never enough. It requires action for real change to occur. I may “know” how to go to Mars (which, I don’t lol) but if I knew and did nothing to get there, I’d still be here on earth.
This is why I appreciate the program. It’s a program of action. It asks me to connect to my higher power, no matter what that is, and begin taking ACTION steps to improving my life. And when I do this, the Promises do come true. I have to live this life and practice these principles in all my affairs.
Sometimes I don’t want to. Someone said something to my sister the other day and I had to step back and practice the pause instead of reacting. Because react I suuuuure wanted to. But, in the end, it was up to her how she chose to handle the situation. And it gave me a new appreciation and insight to my sister. She may not show up as much for us, but she shows up for those who need her most when it’s most needed. So, I told her that and spread love instead of spewing hatred and defensiveness like old me wanted to.
I have to practice these principals in ALL of my affairs, and I’ve been given many opportunities to remember that lately. But I am, and I am grateful for that.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 30
I came to Alcoholics Anonymous because I was no longer able to control my drinking. It was either my wife’s complaining about my drinking, or maybe the sheriff forced me to go to A.A. meetings, or perhaps I knew, deep down inside, that I couldn’t drink like others, but I was unwilling to admit it because the alternative terrified me. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women united against a common, fatal disease. Each one of our lives is linked to every other, much like the survivors on a life raft at sea. If we all work together, we can get safely to shore.
When I first stopped drinking, I didn’t really think I was an alcoholic. I just thought I needed a break. Once the fog cleared and I worked with others who are like me, and when I read the big book-I realized I AM an alcoholic. And, this shattered my dilusion that I could ever go back to drinking. I will never be “normal”. And, this realization is honestly what saved my life. It took the maybe away. And made me realize, I am an alcoholic. It doesn’t get better over time drinking, its a progressive disease. It will only get worse if I drink until it kills me like it did my dad or my aunt. Realizing I AM an alcoholic is where I was able to see this, and change so I dont follow their same path. Today I see it as a blessing honestly because this new life I’ve been given is the best thing I never knew I needed, but my HP did.
Only Step One, where we made the 100 percent admission we were powerless over alcohol, can be practiced with absolute perfection.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 68
Long before I was able to obtain sobriety in A.A., I knew without a doubt that alcohol was killing me, yet even with this knowledge, I was unable to stop drinking. So, when faced with Step One, I found it easy to admit that I lacked the power to not drink. But was my life unmanageable? Never! Five months after coming into A.A., I was drinking again and wondered why.
Later on, back in A.A. and smarting from my wounds, I learned that Step One is the only Step that can be taken 100%. And that the only way to take it 100% is to take 100% of the Step. That was many twenty-four hours ago and I haven’t had to take Step One again.
This reading resonates with me. Until I finally admitting I was powerless and my life had become unmanageable, I wouldn’t let a Higher Power into my life.
When I hit a new bottom in sobriety because I didn’t allow anything to really change on the inside, my outside reflected that. I was repeating the same 'ol shit-even sober.
I FINALLY realized I was the problem, and I had no idea how to fix it. So I prayed to whatever was out there listening. And my HP brought AA to my doorstep the very next morning by a series of undeniable events. And it’s completely changed my life.
For me, the steps have been key to a new life. I don’t know what’s best so I ask my HP to guide me each day. I ask for my character defects to be realized so I can have thy will be done instead of my own. I ask how I can best help others today and show them how good that connection can be. And because of this, today I will be spending my day doing soul work with others. I’m blessed and I’m grateful beyond belief that these steps are there for me to follow and for my HP really stepping in when I finally allowed it.
Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives.
Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the facts of life into unrealistic alibis for apathy or defeatism, they can be the sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 44
When I am having a difficult time accepting people, places or events, I turn to this passage and it relieves me of many an underlying fear regarding others, or situations life presents me. The thought allows me to be human and not perfect, and to regain my peace of mind.
The big book says, “And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some face of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity
until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. Ineed to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to bechanged in me and my attitudes.”
I had to read this recently because I was full of fear and struggling to accept something as it was. I called my sponsor and she reminded me to read that passage.
Acceptance truly is the key. And trusting the divine plan. I may not know why things happen the way they do, and my own expectations may not pan out but my higher power knows what I need in my life far better than I do. Expectations are just premeditated resentments anyway. I just keep using these opportunities to turn my will and my life over to the care of god the best I can.
We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 85
The most common alcoholic fantasy seems to be: “If I just don’t drink, everything will be all right.” Once the fog cleared for me, I saw—for the first time—the mess my life had become. I had family, work, financial and legal problems; I was hung up on old religious ideas; there were sides of my character to which I was inclined to stay blind because they easily could have convinced me that I was hopeless and pushed me toward escape again. The Big Book guided me in resolving all of my problems. But it didn’t happen overnight—and certainly not automatically—with no effort on my part. I need always to recognize God’s mercy and blessings that shine through any problem I have to face.
Oh boy, doesn’t this resonate with me. Sober eyes get to actually SEE just how unmanageable life had become. My drunk eyes couldn’t see straight. And it could either push me toward the bottle again or true change with recovery.
I was just talking to someone this morning who has 5 years sober. Life is getting to her, she wants to go back to her old ways. She’s never worked a program of recovery. All I can do is share what worked for me. Personally I was able to get sober without a program, but to STAY sober, I needed one.
The blessings life brings me can take me out if I’m not continuing to work my program. Life is busier for me now than ever. But, I spend more time with my program within that because I need it more. The second I start thinking I’m too busy is the exact moment I’m on a slippery slope. Today I’m choosing to start my day with recovery and I’ll continue to choose it all day today to end my day sober. This helps me stay off that slippery slope and on dry, stable ground instead.
This site is where I began my sober path and for 2 years, it truly helped me. At that point with my new sober eyes, I could still see that I was repeating my same old stuff. So, I asked whoever was out there listening to show me the way because I was the only common denominator in my life and I clearly didn’t know best or what to do. The next morning, I was very clearly lead to AA.
I thought it was silly, 2 years in almost to the day, to start AA but without that program, I had no idea how to really change my life from the inside out. And in looking back, I’m positive I would have found my way back to the bottle eventually without it. It’s changed everything for me, and still does daily.
We all start somewhere and I’m glad you’re here! There is a lot of beauty and wisdom in this space.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83
Once I became sober, I began to see how wasteful my life had been and I experienced overwhelming guilt and feelings of regret. The program’s Fourth and Fifth Steps assisted me enormously in healing those troubling regrets. I learned that my self-centeredness and dishonesty stemmed largely from my drinking and that I drank because I was an alcoholic. Now I see how even my most distasteful past experiences can turn to gold because, as a sober alcoholic, I can share them to help my fellow alcoholics, particularly newcomers. Sober for several years in A.A., I no longer regret the past; I am simply grateful to be conscious of God’s love and of the help I can give to others in the Fellowship.
I feel like I could have written this myself honestly.
Working the steps is what has freed me from the chains of the past. My sponsor has had to remind me at times that I can not change the past so I don’t need to carry that weight. All I need to do is BE different going forward.
My past reminds me of not only where I’ve been and how far I’ve come, but also what I could easily have back anytime I decide to stop working my recovery.
I do not regret my past as I did the best I could with what I was working with at the time, so I do not wish to shut the door on it. It reminds me of what it was like and what its like now. And life is pretty damn good, better than I’ve ever lived in my past-that is for sure. I have this program, my sponsor, other alcoholics and my HP to thank for that.
With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 567-68
From my first days in A.A., as I struggled for sobriety, I found hope in these words from our founders. I often pondered the phrase: “they have tapped an unsuspected inner resource.” How, I asked myself, can I find the Power within myself, since I am so powerless? In time, as the founders promised, it came to me: I have always had the choice between goodness and evil, between unselfishness and selfishness, between serenity and fear. That Power greater than myself is an original gift that I did not recognize until I achieved daily sobriety through living A.A.'s Twelve Steps.
Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom. For practicing A.A.'s remaining eleven Steps means the adoption of attitudes and actions that almost no alcoholic who is still drinking can dream of taking.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p, 24
Hitting bottom opened my mind and I became willing to try something different. What I tried was A.A. My new life in the Fellowship was a little like learning how to ride a bike for the first time: A.A. became my training wheels and my supporting hand. It’s not that I wanted the help so much at the time; I simply did not want to hurt like that again. My desire to avoid hitting bottom again was more powerful than my desire to drink. In the beginning that was what kept me sober. But after a while I found myself working the Steps to the best of my ability. I soon realized that my attitudes and actions were changing—if ever so slightly. One Day at a Time, I became comfortable with myself, and others, and my hurting started to heal. Thank God for the training wheels and supporting hand that I choose to call Alcoholics Anonymous.
This is why I had to hit the bottom. For me, until I did and REALLY could have it fully in my face that what I was doing wasn’t working, I wasn’t willing to change anything. I had to admit defeat. Be willing to ask for help. To realize that I didn’t have all the answers-if I did I wouldn’t have been so effing miserable.
This is literally the ONLY reason I’ve been able to surrender to AA. I had to finally admit to myself and to my HP that I was the only common denominator in my life so I needed to change from the inside out for my life to change. And when I prayed to whatever or whoever was out there listening, AA literally arrived at my doorstep the next morning. By me admitting defeat, I was literally all in once I surrendered. And my life began to change literally that day. Thank god for AA, it keeps me sober and not only saved my life but has helped me to transform in the most beautiful way.
