“The trouble with us alcoholics was this: We demanded that the world give us happiness and peace of mind in just the particular order we wanted to get it-by the alcohol route. And we weren’t successful. But when we take time to find out some of the spiritual laws, and familiarize ourselves with them, and put them into practice, then we do get happiness and peace of mind. . . . There seem to be some rules that we have to follow, but happiness and peace of mind are always here, open and free to anyone.”
DR. BOB AND THE GOOD OLDTIMERS, p. 308
The simplicity of the A.A. program teaches me that happiness isn’t something I can “demand.” It comes upon me quietly, while I serve others. In offering my hand to the newcomer or to someone who has relapsed, I find that my own sobriety has been recharged with indescribable gratitude and happiness.
Today my reflections are just what they are. Not particularly related to the reading, as today is the day we lost my dad 28 years ago due to his alcholism. I was only 13, but can remember so much of it SO vividly clear.
I resented my dad for many years. As the reading said, I wanted it my way. I also always had this inner knowing that alcohol was going to kill him. I’d dump out his bottles, plead with him and very distinctly recall when he would drive me to my cousins house just how thin that line is in the middle of the road and how unsafe it was as we crossed it over and over again. I also wrote him a poem asking him to quit drinking as he’d be dead by my 14th birthday if he didn’t. He died a month and a half prior to me turning 14. And…somehow I turned out to be like my father, though I swore I never would.
The thing is, my higher power has given me a new relationship with my father in my sobriety, even though he’s not physically here. Spiritually, he shows me that he is with me all the time. He has helped to orchestrate my sobriety. In a much bigger picture view my HP gave me, he also gave me the experiences I needed in this life that were challenging so that I could help others as I healed from it. And, in my own recovery I’ve come to understand him in a way I never had before. I’ve been able to let go of the resentments, forgive and have SO much freedom as well as huge amounts of love within that relationship.
This is a HUGE gift that sobriety has brought me.
I took today off, so I can just be today. I’m honestly starting off my day in SO much gratitude for his presence in my life. It wasn’t “my” way, but it was exactly the way I needed instead.
By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 23
When I was still drinking, I couldn’t respond to any of life’s situations the way other, more healthy, people could. The smallest incident triggered a state of mind that believed I had to have a drink to numb my feelings. But the numbing did not improve the situation, so I sought further escape in the bottle. Today I must be aware of my alcoholism. I cannot afford to believe that I have gained control of my drinking — or again I will think I have gained control of my life. Such a feeling of control is fatal to my recovery.
For me, I never knew how to live a healthy life. My family loved me, but we didn’t have healthy coping mechanisms. We drank. It helped me to avoid my discomfort and pain. I thought that was “normal”, but it is truly unhealthy and fatal. I wss out of control long before I realized it…I actually didn’t clearly see how bad it was until I was sober a while and some of the fog lifted. Alcoholism is a fatal disease. Once a cucumber is a pickle, it can’t go back to being a cucumber. I can not drink, period. For me, to drink is to die. And thanks to this program, I’ve finally learned how to LIVE. And, do so in a healthy way that I’d never known before. I am grateful for the people who continue to show me the way, one day at a time.
Faith has to work twenty-four hours a day in and through us, or we perish.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 16
The essence of my spirituality, and my sobriety, rests on a round-the-clock faith in a Higher Power. I need to remember and rely on the God of my understanding as I pursue all of my daily activities. How comforting for me is the concept that God works in and through people. As I pause in my day, do I recall specific concrete examples of God’s presence? Am I amazed and uplifted by the number of times this power is evident? I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my God’s presence in my life of recovery. Without this omnipotent force in my every activity, I would again fall into the depths of my disease—and death.
I’m Sooooooooo blessed in my life to have a connection to a higher power. I connect all day every day, asking for guidance. Because of that, when things are harder or more challenging- I have that faith. But faith without works is dead. As I ask for guidance, I know I also need to take action. I’m grateful for both today, as this has changed my life in incredible ways. I’m thankful for this life, the beautiful people in it, for that connection and for my recovery.
As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87
Today I humbly ask my Higher Power for the grace to find the space between my impulse and my action; to let flow a cooling breeze when I would respond with heat; to interrupt fierceness with gentle peace; to accept the moment which allows judgment to become discernment; to defer to silence when my tongue would rush to attack or defend.
I promise to watch for every opportunity to turn toward my Higher Power for guidance. I know where this power is: it resides within me, as clear as a mountain brook, hidden in the hills—it is the unsuspected Inner Resource.
I thank my Higher Power for this world of light and truth I see when I allow it to direct my vision. I trust it today and hope it trusts me to make all effort to find the right thought or action today.
This is one of my favorite things about recovery…being able to practice the pause. This is how I don’t add to my 4th step today. I used to immediately react, now I can feel when I’m not ij alignment and I practice the pause. I talk to my higher power. I call my sponsor. I let people know I need a pause and can’t continue that discussion at that time. Sometimes people want to resolve it now and they push-but if I’m going to react in a harmful way, I have no problem stating that no good will continue from this conversation at this time and I walk away to find the answers I need so I don’t react as the old me would have. I don’t harm people the way I used to, not knowing any better. I make my amends when needed so I don’t carry that weight but I really do the work to be a changed person. The work this program has shown me that works. And I am grateful for this today.
The member talks to the newcomer not in a spirit of power but in a spirit of humility and weakness.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE, p. 279
As the days pass in A.A., I ask God to guide my thoughts and the words that I speak. In this labor of continuous participation in the Fellowship, I have numerous opportunities to speak. So I frequently ask God to help me watch over my thoughts and my words, that they may be the true and proper reflections of our program; to focus my aspirations once again to seek His guidance; to help me be truly kind and loving, helpful and healing, yet always filled with humility, and free from any trace of arrogance.
Today I may very well have to deal with disagreeable attitudes or utterances-the typical stock-in-trade attitude of the still-suffering alcoholic. If this should happen, I will take a moment to center myself in God, so that I will be able to respond from a perspective of composure, strength and sensibility.
A few hours later I took my leave of Dr. Bob. . . . The wonderful, old, broad smile was on his face as he said almost jokingly, “Remember, Bill, let’s not louse this thing up. Let’s keep it simple!” I turned away, unable to say a word. That was the last time I ever saw him.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS COMES OF AGE, p. 214
After years of sobriety I occasionally ask myself: “Can it be this simple?” Then, at meetings, I see former cynics and skeptics who have walked the A.A. path out of hell by packaging their lives, without alcohol, into twenty-four hour segments, during which they practice a few principles to the best of their individual abilities. And then I know again that, while it isn’t always easy, if I keep it simple, it works.
Keep. It. Simple…I have to remind myself of this over and over. I can over complicate anything and it’s just my own BS honestly. From recovery to life or even my business-I can overthink things instead of just simply DOING them. Just taking the next right action in the moment. Keeping my HP and this program close helps me to remember this, but so do the people in my life. And for this, I am grateful. Progress, not perfection. All I have is now and taking action (not just thinking about it) helps me to stay on the beam today.
. . . we aren’t a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn’t want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world’s troubles on our shoulders.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 132
When my own house is in order, I find the different parts of my life are more manageable. Stripped from the guilt and remorse that cloaked my drinking years, I am free to assume my proper role in the universe, but this condition requires maintenance. I should stop and ask myself, Am I having fun yet? If I find answering that question difficult or painful, perhaps I’m taking myself too seriously—and finding it difficult to admit that I’ve strayed from my practice of working the program to keep my house in order. I think the pain I experience is one way my Higher Power has to get my attention, coaxing me to take stock of my performance. The slight time and effort it takes to work the program—a spot-check inventory, for example, or the making of amends, whatever is appropriate — are well worth the effort.
My sponsor’s husband lives by the rule #62-Don’t take yourself too seriously.
When I first walked into the halls of AA for my girlfriend, two people stood out. My sponsor and her husband. They laughed and just had this presence about them. They talked to everyone in the room. They were warm & welcoming. And, they felt familiar to me, though I’d never met them before that.
It’s true that if I’m not feeling lighthearted and generally pretty happy, my house is not in order. Not that we aren’t allowed to have other emotions-that is also absolutely necessary. But if they are prolonged, that shows me that I have work to do. There’s something not being practiced in ALL of my affairs.
And this happens easily. Like yesterday, it was the anniversary of when I lost my grandfather. Instead of allowing myself to feel sad-I pushed it down. And then I heard my sponsor in my head remind me, “You’re afraid to be messy”. After work, I was singing in the car and thinking about him. And how what I remember the most about him was when he was open. Raw. Vulnerable. Emotional. Even years after he’s gone, he’s showing me that lesson. It’s ok to feel. I allowed myself to feel it and cry. Then I called my sponsor. If I hadn’t bottled it up all day, it wouldn’t have built up and carried over to other parts of my life where I was short and impatient. My house was NOT in order. And I have to make amends for that today. I was not practicing these principals in all of my affairs, and it came out sideways. I wasn’t able to be my generally light and free self, because I was carrying that cloak of shame.
I’m no where NEAR perfect. But this program helps me stay on track in a way far better than I used to. Progress, not perfection.
There is action and more action. “Faith without works is dead.” . . . To be helpful is our only aim.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, pp. 88-89
I understand that service is a vital part of recovery but I often wonder, “What can I do?” Simply start with what I have today! I look around to see where there is a need. Are the ashtrays full? Do I have hands and feet to empty them? Suddenly I’m involved! The best speaker may make the worst coffee; the member who’s best with newcomers may be unable to read; the one willing to clean up may make a mess of the bank account—yet every one of these people and jobs is essential to an active group. The miracle of service is this: when I use what I have, I find there is more available to me than I realized before.
I’m reminded today that we are all good at something. It’s not always the same as what others around us are good at, but in working together-that is actually perfect. We all have our strengths and gifts we can contribute. It reminds me of that saying that is something like this: If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it’ll live it’s whole life believing it’s stupid. We are all unique. We all have our strengths. Do we judge others because theirs looks different or do we celebrate that? Those are choices we get to make today. Let’s love ourselves and others today for their own unique abilities.
. . . A.A. is really saying to every serious drinker, “You are an A.A. member if you say so . . . nobody can keep you out.”
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 139
For years, whenever I reflected on Tradition Three (“The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking”), I thought it valuable only to newcomers. It was their guarantee that no one could bar them from A.A. Today I feel enduring gratitude for the spiritual development the Tradition has brought me. I don’t seek out people obviously different from myself. Tradition Three, concentrating on the one way I am similar to others, brought me to know and help every kind of alcoholic, just as they have helped me. Charlotte, the atheist, showed me higher standards of ethics and honor; Clay, of another race, taught me patience; Winslow, who is gay, led me by example into true compassion; Young Megan says that seeing me at meetings, sober thirty years, keeps her coming back. Tradition Three insured that we would get what we need — each other.
Who wishes to be rigorously honest and tolerant? Who wants to confess his faults to another and make restitution for harm done? Who cares anything about a Higher Power, let alone meditation and prayer? Who wants to sacrifice time and energy in trying to carry A.A.'s message to the next sufferer? No, the average alcoholic, self-centered in the extreme, doesn’t care for this prospect — unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 24
I am an alcoholic. If I drink I will die. My, what power, energy, and emotion this simple statement generates in me! But it’s really all I need to know for today. Am I willing to stay alive today? Am I willing to stay sober today? Am I willing to ask for help and am I willing to be a help to another suffering alcoholic today? Have I discovered the fatal nature of my situation? What must I do, today, to stay sober?
I may not have wanted those things in my drinking days, but those are the things I live for today. I am blessed beyond belief because of my connection to my hp. Because I’m willing to be honest with myself and others today. Because I do my best to do all the things mentioned in that reading today. I get to really LIVE today instead of just existing (miserably I might add) thanks to this program. And I get to help others do the same every single day. I’m grateful to be a recovering alcoholic and continuing this work, one day at a time.
