Daily Reflections & Daily Readings

January 27~Daily Reflections

FREEDOM FROM GUILT

Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47

When I become willing to accept my own powerlessness, I begin to realize that blaming myself for all the trouble in my life can be an ego trip back into hopelessness. Asking for help and listening deeply to the messages inherent in the Steps and Traditions of the program make it possible to change those attitudes which delay my recovery. Before joining A.A., I had such a desire for approval from people in powerful positions that I was willing to sacrifice myself, and others, to gain a foothold in the world. I invariably came to grief. In the program I find true friends who love, understand, and care to help me learn the truth about myself. With the help of the Twelve Steps, I am able to build a better life, free of guilt and the need for self-justification.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

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For me, I don’t relate so much to the reflection but I sure do relate to that first line.

This has been a hard one for me at times. I often want to “blame” someone for what went wrong. Or even blame someone or something else for my own actions. But, at the end of the day-it’s wrong. This isn’t to beat myself up or look at myself poorly. But something I have had to accept were that the problems in my life were of my own making. I chose my actions and I obtained the results of that. And that is at times a real tough pill to swallow.

The thing is, life goes SO much better for me when I stop holding the reigns so tight. I have a higher power in my life that guides me and leads where I’m best meant to be. I just have to get myself out of the way. And when I don’t, there is literally no one to blame but myself. And I try to do better next time. Progress, not perfection. I still have lessons to learn but accepting they are of my own making means I can do things different and change that next time for a different outcome. I am powerless over a lot of things, but with my HP at my side, I am able to change me today and that has made the biggest difference in my life. :heart:

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January 28~Daily Reflections

THE TREASURE OF THE PAST

Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God’s hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have—the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 124

What a gift it is for me to realize that all those seemingly useless years were not wasted. The most degrading and humiliating experiences turn out to be the most powerful tools in helping others to recover. In knowing the depths of shame and despair, I can reach out with a loving and compassionate hand, and know that the grace of God is available to me.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

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The treasure of the past…and what a gift that mess was!!

I believe I related to other alcoholics SO well, because they have been where I have been. My therapist hadn’t-I could BS her all day long on how “well” my sobriety was going. Because I had a year under my belt, she figured I had that under control and she was just there to help me dismantle the terrible relationship I had gotten myself into years prior. As soon as I put down the drink, within days I saw very clearly that we would never ever work out. My life had never been messier. And, because of that mess-I finally was ready for a change.

It took working with other alcoholics who understood me and my life to keep that bottle down. My HP lead me to this forum when I downloaded a sober counter and accidentally clicked something and found the beautiful people here. You guys helped me to save my life-I would not be here without you all. You guys understood. Helped me to see the truth. I could not do it alone-I needed other alcoholics working on recovery in my life. And when I wasn’t changing enough in my sobriety, being here helped me to stay open to connecting with other alcholics in AA. And then everything began to change on a whole new level.

I look back at pictures, and I see the mess my life used to be. And I sometimes get a little sad seeing it, but mostly I am grateful for that mess and chaos my life used to be. Because without that mess, I would not have taken the steps I needed to take to save my life and be where I am today. I am a grateful recovering alcoholic today, that’s for sure. :heart:

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Also…if I keep doing the work-I NEVER have to live in that mess ever again. What a freaking gift! :heart:

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January 29~Daily Reflections

THE JOY OF SHARING

Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends—this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 89

To know that each newcomer with whom I share has the opportunity to experience the relief that I have found in this Fellowship fills me with joy and gratitude. I feel that all the things described in A.A. will come to pass for them, as they have for me, if they seize the opportunity and embrace the program fully.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

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This morning, I was thinking about my first AA days and how we left before the praying and hand holding began every single time. It scared me to let other people in. To be open. Vulnerable. Honest. Loving. And today I am SO much more of all of those things.

I still see the old me in the newcomers and watching their transformation and the light come back in their eyes is one of the greatest gifts sobriety has given me. I now understand what my sponsor meant when she told me that. We are truly in it together. :heart:

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January 30~Dailt Reflections

FREEDOM FROM . . . FREEDOM TO

We are going to know a new freedom. . . .
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 83

Freedom for me is both freedom from and freedom to. The first freedom I enjoy is freedom from the slavery of alcohol. What a relief! Then I begin to experience freedom from fear—fear of people, of economic insecurity, of commitment, of failure, of rejection. Then I begin to enjoy freedom to—freedom to choose sobriety for today, freedom to be myself, freedom to express my opinion, to experience peace of mind, to love and be loved, and freedom to grow spiritually. But how can I achieve these freedoms? The Big Book clearly says that before I am halfway through making amends, I will begin to know a “new” freedom; not the old freedom of doing what I pleased, without regard to others, but the new freedom that allows fulfillment of the promises in my life. What a joy to be free!

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

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“If we are painstaking about this process, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We will know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past, not wish to shut the door on it. We’ll comeprehend the word serenity and we will know peace” ~The Promises, Big Book

That’s what today’s reading reminds me of. The freedom I have today is unlike any I’ve ever had in my life.

I have the freedom not only by breaking the chains that bound me, but I have the freedom to show up. To choose. To LIVE. To make decisions. And the great thing is, my decisions have results. Consequences, if you will. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good. But I get to see that quite quickly and I can correct what needs correcting instead of living in the shit today. I get to practice the pause and have my HP come along with me before I take action to try and avoid adding to my step work. Progress, not perfection there. I am even free to have my own conception of my HP, which has helped me greatly and it’s continued to evolve over time. And I am a grateful recovering alcoholic today. These gifts are life changing for me. :heart:

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January 31~Daily Reflections

OUR COMMON WELFARE COMES FIRST

The unity of Alcoholics Anonymous is the most cherished quality our Society has. . . . We stay whole, or A.A. dies.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 129

Our Traditions are key elements in the ego deflation process necessary to achieve and maintain sobriety in Alcoholics Anonymous. The First Tradition reminds me not to take credit, or authority, for my recovery. Placing our common welfare first reminds me not to become a healer in this program; I am still one of the patients. Self-effacing elders built the ward. Without it, I doubt I would be alive. Without the group, few alcoholics would recover.

The active role in renewed surrender of will enables me to step aside from the need to dominate, the desire for recognition, both of which played so great a part in my active alcoholism. Deferring my personal desires for the greater good of group growth contributes toward A.A. unity that is central to all recovery. It helps me to remember that the whole is greater than the sum of all its parts.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Oh this is something I thought about earlier this week! I had allllll these ideas originally on how to make AA “better”…which really meant to fit my own will. Which, is the polar opposite of what this program is all about lol. I’m grateful for the traditions and for the continued upheld integrity of the program. It helps to keep me sober today because of it. :heart:

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February 1~Daily Reflections

GOAL: SANITY

“. . . Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can’t say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now.”
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27

“Came to believe!” I gave lip service to my belief when I felt like it or when I thought it would look good. I didn’t really trust God. I didn’t believe He cared for me. I kept trying to change things I couldn’t change. Gradually, in disgust, I began to turn it all over, saying: “You’re so omnipotent, you take care of it.” He did. I began to receive answers to my deepest problems, sometimes at the most unusual times: driving to work, eating lunch, or when I was sound asleep. I realized that I hadn’t thought of those solutions—a Power greater than myself had given them to me. I came to believe.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Step Two: Came to believe a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

I didn’t have any real true belief until the day I realized not only was my life unmanageable, but I was the problem. I was SO sick of my own bs, but didn’t know how to fix it. So I asked whoever or whatever was out there listening to help me and show me what I needed to do. The very next morning, AA knocked on my doorstep and asked if I was willing to really open the door to change.

Since that day, my connection to my HP has vastly improved, one day at a time. The more I asked for guidance and turned my will over to the care of god as I understood him, the better my life has improved as I began to listen and take the actions I was guided to take. Honestly my life is already beyond my wildest dreams, and it’s still just barely begun. Having this relationship with my HP has changed everthing and I never want to go back to the life I had before when I didn’t have this conscious connection in my life. It’s brought me countless miracles, synchronicity and connections into my life and made it the beautiful & serene existence that I now have. I am beyond grateful for this today, words can’t even explain the gratitude I have daily in my heart for this. :heart:

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February 2~Daily Reflections

RESCUED BY SURRENDERING

Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. . . . Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God. He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position.
A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 311

The great mystery is: “Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the ‘independence’ of our ego, while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?” Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

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This was what changed my life. The surrender and willingness to accept the suggestions of my sponsor and AA. To quit thinking I knew what was best-if I honestly looked at my life, it was pretty clear I didn’t know what was best. If I had, I wouldn’t have wanted or needed anything new. My life was not good because I didn’t know best. So I surrendered. And it was the greatest gift in my life. I am grateful for this program and the people in it as it saved and changed my life completely for the better. :heart:

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February 3~Daily Reflections

FILLING THE VOID

We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. “Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?” As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. ~ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 47

I was always fascinated with the study of scientific principles. I was emotionally and physically distant from people while I pursued Absolute Knowledge. God and spirituality were meaningless academic exercises.

I was a modern man of science, knowledge was my Higher Power. Given the right set of equations, life was merely another problem to solve.

Yet my inner self was dying from my outer man’s solution to life’s problems and the solution was alcohol.

In spite of my intelligence, alcohol became my Higher Power. It was through the unconditional love which emanated from A.A. people and meetings that I was able to discard alcohol as
my Higher Power. The great void was filled. I was no longer lonely and apart from life. I had found a true power greater than myself, I had found God’s love.

There is only one equation which really matters to me now: God is in A.A.

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I can relate to this. If I couldn’t hear it, smell it, taste it, touch it-it wasn’t something I could believe in.

I remember going to church with some friends as a kid and when I would ask how one knows there is a god, I was told to just believe. My young logical mind could not wrap my head around that.

For me, I was really able to see more of the spiritual side of life after my dad died. I could feel him around. Things would happen that were completely impossible and illogical. Yet, I knew it was him and I knew he was there. This started to open me up to really know there was more out there. When I was attuned to reiki much later in life, feeling that energy literally flowing through my hands made it undeniable.

It wasn’t until I found AA though that I was REALLY able to connect with a higher power. I was able to have a god of my understanding. And I saw it working, time and time again in AA. There was a time I referred to God as Group Of Drunks, because that’s where I saw him work the most. I struggled with the God name and concept, but I understand that my higher power can go by many interchangeable names.

And as I consciously connect and follow the guidance I’m given, I know without a doubt that life is FAR better with my HP. And I never ever want my logical mind to run the show again because I know where that led me. Doing something new and different is EXACTLY what I needed. My HP does for me what I can’t always do for myself. And I never want to be without that connection again. :heart:

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February 4~Daily Reflections

WHEN FAITH IS MISSING

Sometimes A.A. comes harder to those who have lost or rejected faith than to those who never had any faith at all, for they think they have tried faith and found it wanting. They have tried the way of faith and the way of no faith.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 28

I was so sure God had failed me that I became ultimately defiant, though I knew better, and plunged into a final drinking binge. My faith turned bitter and that was no coincidence. Those who once had great faith hit bottom harder. It took time to rekindle my faith, though I came to A.A. I was grateful intellectually to have survived such a great fall, but my heart felt callous. Still, I stuck with the A.A. program; the alternatives were too bleak! I kept coming back and gradually my faith was resurrected.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

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February 5~Daily Reflections

A GLORIOUS RELEASE

“The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel. Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can’t say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A.'s program as enthusiastically as I could.”
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 27

After years of indulging in a “self-will run riot,” Step Two became for me a glorious release from being all alone. Nothing is so painful or insurmountable in my journey now. Someone is always there to share life’s burdens with me. Step Two became a reinforcement with God, and I now realize that my insanity and ego were curiously linked. To rid myself of the former, I must give up the latter to one with far broader shoulders than my own.

From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Step 2:Came to believe a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

I too had to stop arguing and fighting against it. I had to pull the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth. My life was a result of self-will run riot-and it was not pretty. I needed to stop thinking I knew best, because I clearly didn’t. If I did, my life wouldn’t look the way it did.

Once I surrendered to step one (admitted I was powerless over alcohol and my life had become unmanageable) I was able to have the gift of desperation to open the door to step 2 naturally. I clearly saw that I was the common denominator in all of my life and I was clearly the problem. So I asked whoever was out there listening to show me the way out. AA arrived on my doorstep the very next morning.

Today I know there is nothing I can’t face with my HP. And there’s nothing I want to face without it…that’s when the self-will run riot comes back into play. I’ve already seen how that story goes-no thanks.

My HP is with me from the minute I open my eyes to the minute I go bed, and even in my dreams really. I’m so grateful I’ve learned how to have that willingness to allow that conscious connection in my life, thanks to this program.

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