Yesssss!!! This morning while in the shower, it came to me how differently I have reframed my story. I claimed victim to outside circumstances and had this whole, “woe is me” story. I gave away my power and forgot that I actually FULLY had a choice in the life I chose to live as an adult. I put up with (and put out) a lot of shit in my active use and I’m SO grateful I get to make new conscious choices today in my recovery. My life, my reactions, decisions and my perceptions are all mine to own today. 
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October 8~Daily Reflections
DAILY INVENTORY
. . . and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59
I was beginning to approach my new life of sobriety with unaccustomed enthusiasm. New friends were cropping up and some of my battered friendships had begun to be repaired. Life was exciting, and I even began to enjoy my work, becoming so bold as to issue a report on the lack of proper care for some of our clients. One day a co-worker informed me that my boss was really sore because a complaint, submitted over his head, had caused him much discomfort at the hands of his superiors. I knew that my report had created the problem, and began to feel responsible for my boss’s difficulty. In discussing the affair, my co-worker tried to reassure me that an apology was not necessary, but I soon became convinced that I had to do something, regardless of how it might turn out. When I approached my boss and owned up to my hand in his difficulties, he was surprised. But unexpected things came out of our encounter, and my boss and I were able to agree to interact more directly and effectively in the future.
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
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“We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn’t treat sick people that way.” — Big Book, p. 67
How can I respond with patience instead of reacting with anger today?
Practicing the pause is HUGE for me with this! My snap reactions are rarely the right thing. But taking that step back allows me to gain a higher perspective. I can connect to my HP. To my sponsor. To my program. And then I can respond instead of react so I don’t have to add to my step work lol.
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October 9~Daily Reflections
A SPIRITUAL AXIOM
It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90
I never truly understood the Tenth Step’s spiritual axiom until I had the following experience. I was sitting in my bedroom, reading into the wee hours, when suddenly I heard my dogs barking in the back yard. My neighbors frown on this kind of disturbance so, with mixed feelings of anger and shame, as well as fear of my neighbors’ disapproval, I immediately called in my dogs. Several weeks later the exact situation repeated itself but this time, because I was feeling more at peace with myself, I was able to accept the situation—dogs will bark—and I calmly called in the dogs. Both incidents taught me that when a person experiences nearly identical events and reacts two different ways, then it is not the event which is of prime importance, but the person’s spiritual condition. Feelings come from inside,not from outward circumstances. When my spiritual condition is positive, I react positively.
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
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“As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully…we were reborn.” — Big Book, p. 63
Where do I feel that “new power” flowing into my life today?
I think a better question would be where don’t I? I do feel very much reborn, and like I continue to shed the old layers of who I was so that I truly can live life successfully. I don’t need a drink or anything else as a crutch to survive. I am connected to a power greater than myself and I trust it. I am slowly learning what it feels like to fully live life on life’s terms and to be good with that, no matter what it looks like. My HP knows what I need far better than I. This is a beautiful thing, even when it’s challenging, and I am grateful for every single moment.
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October 10~Daily Reflections
FIXING ME, NOT YOU
If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 90
What a freedom I felt when this passage was pointed out to me! Suddenly I saw that I could do something about my anger, I could fix me, instead of trying to fix them. I believe that there are no exceptions to the axiom. When I am angry, my anger is always self-centered. I must keep reminding myself that I am human, that I am doing the best I can, even when that best is sometimes poor. So I ask God to remove my anger and truly set me free.
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
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When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed."— Big Book, p. 63
What remarkable things have I noticed since I began turning my will over?
Omg. Soooooo many remarkable things have happened in my recovery honestly, and all of that really happened when I started working this program and connecting to my HP. Some great things happened at first too, but life continued to get smaller until I surrendered. Now it just expands all the time. I can’t even put into words the incredible gifts I’ve been given by turning my will over. I’m living a life far beyond my wildest dreams already, and it’s really just begun. It works if I work it.
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Something from a speaker meeting that resonated with me: Why are you upset? Because you are Upsettable! When I really work to understand that, the second of your posts yesterday, about power and freedom, these become possible.
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Fixing me, not you. This seems to me to be the missing message of our time, especially in the context of a so-called Christian nation. A life surrendered to guidance of a HP, as far as possible, for me has meant taking a massive amount of TIME for discernment. I really don’t have time anymore to judge others. I ask God to help them, and to help me with my endlessly comparing mind. I fail a lot, but given Grace I can try again.
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October 11~Daily Reflections
SELF-RESTRAINT
Our first objective will be the development of self-restraint.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91
My drive to work provides me with an opportunity for self-examination. One day while making this trip, I began to review my progress in sobriety, and was not happy with what I saw. I hoped that, as the work day progressed, I would forget these troublesome thoughts, but as one disappointment after another kept coming, my discontent only increased, and the pressures within me kept mounting.
I retreated to an isolated table in the lounge, and asked myself how I could make the most of the rest of the day. In the past, when things went wrong, I instinctively wanted to fight back. But during the short time I had been trying to live the A.A. program I had learned to step back and take a look at myself. I recognized that, although I was not the person I wanted to be, I had learned to not react in my old ways. Those old patterns of behavior only brought sorrow and hurt, to me and to others. I returned to my work station, determined to make the day a productive one, thanking God for the chance to make progress that day.
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
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“We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us.”— Big Book, p. 62
In what ways am I still letting other people or circumstances control my emotions?
Last weekend was a tough one, it was just one thing after another. But, it let me do more work around this. Today I stopped and waited for a tractor trailer truck to back up in a very small village street and the lady behind me was making gestures, yelling and honking her horn. I actually laughed instead of being upset about it. I didn’t need to match her energy, I got to stand firm in my own and continued doing the next right thing. That is a direct result of this program and man am I grateful for the moments I can do that today.
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Oh, both of these readings today! I invested quite a bit of time recently facilitating an invitation for someone to join a group. I had to work as middle person, discreet with contact info until all sides agreed. Welcomed, the new person backed out. It’s really okay – to everyone but me! Laughing as I say this, but I feel like a slighted matchmaker, misunderstood. I need to give it to God, if and when it’s meant to be, won’t be anything liitle I can do to stop it. Just a life lesson, because rn there are way bigger things I’d like to stomp on but I am powerless. Going to fill my pockets with pollen and fly to another flower. Love.
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This can definitly be a tough one for me. When i DONT give my thoughts and actions to God first thing in the morning, I start my day on self will. I find that people, places, things, and situations effect me MUCH greater when im running the show. If i let God take control, I usually am not as disturbed by the world around me.
But I do find that when it comes to people, strangers dont effect me as much as my loved ones too. My emotions can be impacted alot easier with say, my husband. When hes in a bad mood, im effected. I have to remember that his feelings and his thoughts are HIS. I dont have to be pulled into it and have my day ruined as well. In fact, im in more of a position to help, if i stay collected in my own thoughts and emotions.
Situations can impact me too of course, especially when it comes to creating anxiety in me. For this, i have to pray about it. Have faith instead of living in fear. Letting God havs control over the outcome. As long as i do my part, God will give the outcome thats best for me
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October 12~Daily Reflections
CURBING RASHNESS
When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 91
Being fair-minded and tolerant is a goal toward which I must work daily. I ask God, as I understand Him, to help me to be loving and tolerant to my loved ones, and to those with whom I am in close contact. I ask for guidance to curb my speech when I am agitated, and I take a moment to reflect on the emotional upheaval my words may cause, not only to someone else, but also to myself. Prayer, meditation and inventories are the key to sound thinking and positive action for me.
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
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“Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.”— Big Book, p. 98
What part of my “house” needs a little more cleaning today?
For me what immediately comes to mind is that when I first got sober, I had to do so regardless of everyone and everything around me. A week into my sobriety, I drank again because my nephew and boyfriend at the time wanted to continue our regular shenanigans. I was sicker than I have ever been, even though I drank half of what I what I normally drank and had the week prior. I had to decide to get sober anyway and do it. People fought me every step of the way…They tried to convince me I wasn’t an alcoholic, had no reason to stop drinking, pushed against everything I was doing and told me how stupid it was, etc. That was their stuff. It didn’t matter, I did it anyway to save my own life, regardless of what they thought or did. And my life (thank god) is VASTLY different today… theirs is the same, except worse. I changed people, places and things, and my life is better for it. I am grateful I was able to do this and that god helped do for me what I not only could not do for myself but I didn’t even recognize that my HP was working in my life yet. God brought me to sobriety and I am SO freaking grateful for it all.
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Getting well regardless of anyone has meant disregarding my own passing feelings as just weather systems in my improving inner climate. I don’t have ppl who are pushers in my life. I feel lucky to live in a time and place where clean and sober is celebrated. Meetings and step work with my sponsor have made it clear that my continuing sobriety is my responsibility. If I want the day count to turn into years, I HAVE to stay clean and sober today, and start my day count over if I fail. That’s why I love that some ppl here post daily, day count first, even though they’re years into the journey. It’s inspiration and motivation, even though I can’t always keep up with the thread.
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This reminded me of one of the times many years ago, that i tried to get clean. I told the group of people that I used with that i was going to clean up. And i was told i was a “quitter”. They tried to guilt trip me into continuing on. I chose to leave it behind me. I started attending meetings and being around like-minded people. I ran into an old friend from that group probably about a year later. Nothing had changed for him except he looked much, MUCH worse. Unfortunately 2 years later, i relapsed and had to find my way back to recovery. But now ill be 4 years clean and sober on Feb 13th. Im glad i was a “quitter” 
Cleaning “house” for me means taking inventory, making amends as they come up, removing any negative influences (physical and mental), and setting a commitment to change. This is something I need my HPs help for. I love the idea of removing physical and mental clutter. Removing resentments and being rid of character defects as they pop up. Just living in a diff way. Living in a way that is on the same wave length as my HP. Its a work in progress.
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October 13~Daily Reflections
UNREMITTING INVENTORIES
Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84
The immediate admission of wrong thoughts or actions is a tough task for most human beings, but for recovering alcoholics like me it is difficult because of my propensity toward ego, fear and pride. The freedom the A.A. program offers me becomes more abundant when, through unremitting inventories of myself, I admit, acknowledge and accept responsibility for my wrong-doing. It is possible then for me to grow into a deeper and better understanding of humility. My willingness to admit when the fault is mine facilitates the progression of my growth and helps me to become more understanding and helpful to others.
From the book Daily Reflections.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All rights reserved.
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“Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!”— Big Book, p. 100
How can I lean on my Higher Power right now, regardless of what’s happening around me?
When I connect to my HP and ask for guidance, it shows up. Then it’s on me to follow that. It always improves my life if I not only listen, but take action on that.
Today, it’s raining and windy and crappy out. I’ve felt like crap all weekend. What I’d rather have done was slept in on at least one of my days off, get cuddles this morning and just stay home. Instead I’m leaving the house at 6:45am to take a 1.5 hour drive to go get reiki on myself, then I am going to go see my brother. I’ll be on the road driving on this crappy day for over 4 hours plus the time spent with others so it’ll be a long day. But I know since this is my HP’s will for me, it will be MUCH better for me than my own idea was for this morning. I am grateful for this today and for the beautiful souls I will get to interact with instead.
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This for some reason really stood out to me today. And I feel this sort of plays into ur next post about leaning on ur HP and following that guidance.
I will often ask my HP for guidance 1st thing in the morning but then selfishness (and sometimes even dishonesty or resentment) creep in at some point of the day. I get that little “nudge” from my HP, a thought that i shouldnt be acting this way, but then at times i continue on being selfish or impatient of dishonest or resentful. I dont take my HPs guidance 
I must learn to follow the guidance that my HP sends to me. Thats what im taking from these posts. I must ask for God to remove them from me (which I dont normally do). Thank u for sharing these topics!
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