Day 9 & boyfriend unhelpful

Emotional Support
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Hi there,
I’m on day 9 after a decade of buffering very real and raw emotions. My boyfriend just came home from a Labor Day trip with his guy friends, and all they did was party. As of 2 weeks ago that would’ve been no sweat off my back. But he’s come home throwing himself a royal pity party (which I’ve been there too from numerous gnarly several day hangovers). What’s bothering me if he is expecting me to baby him and provide endless empathy it feels like. It’s making me want to boil over with rage. He’s already unfortunately taken the brute of some other anger I was feeling in the first few days. I’m trying deeply to be patient and understanding, while trying to learn to put myself and my emotions first in order to maintain sobriety. I’m not really sure how to have this conversation with him, but if I don’t say anything I’m afraid his expectations of me while I’m very fragile and emotionally heightened will turn to resentment. Any advice on this topic would be so appreciated and thank you!

PS. He doesn’t have a drinking problem, this is an annual boys trip where all of those boys get a little extra wild.

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In early recovery especially your emotions will be a roller coaster. You’ve been burying them in booze for so long that you are finally facing them healthy and sober, and you need to learn to “ride the wave” (we all need to learn that).

Meetings are a good place to share and get advice from people who’ve been there:

There are in person meetings too, search up “alcohol recovery meetings near me” and you’ll find some.

Talking Sober is a good resource too. Hang out here - it’s a great place with people who understand!

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Don’t feel bad for expressing what you need to him. My husband still drinks and in early sober days there were a few conversations that ended with me just telling him that my brain couldn’t process what he needed from me at the moment.
I was selfish with my emotional energy. If you have to go to bed at 8 pm because you can’t give attention to anyone other than yourself please do just that.
Paying attention to my emotional needs after 20+ years of medicating feelings has paid off. I am now able to engage with my husband better because I took the time for myself.
I’m sorry that this is a stressful time. I’m sending you a hug. :heart:

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