I’ve started a new job, it’s predominantly working from home but in a couple of weeks time I need to go to London for a week to the head office for some training. It’ll involve staying in a hotel and working in the office for 5 days. I’m 284 days sober, mainly as I don’t really bother socialising which is what I enjoy, I play golf, spend lots of time with my ex and walking the dog and have worked solely from home for the past 7 years.
I’ve totally fallen out of the socialising scene so giving up alcohol hasn’t be too tough however this week in London terrifies me. I know how it works, “fancy a drink after work”, “you coming to the pub at lunchtime” “let’s celebrate the end of a hard week with a few beers” etc. I have a fear of not fitting in and in the past have succumbed, 284 days, I can’t do it, I can’t drink but I’m not sure how to decline without being “the new boring guy”, any decent lines I can use or should I just say how it is… “you won’t like me when I’m drunk”?
I don’t have any lines for you to say, I’m afraid. My approach has always been to just be straight about it: I don’t drink. Using a cover line just isn’t for me. I feel that cover lines often create more questions, and thus more white lies down the road.
I have found that the more confident and firm you are when you simply say, “I don’t drink”, the more accepting of it people tend to be. People are usually appreciative of straightforwardness.
More often than not, in my experience, the topic is closed at that point and we carry on with our plans/activities. Hasn’t negatively impacted the situation once. Granted I am no social butterfly, so the sample size is limited.
Good luck in London, buddy. 5 days will go by fast.
I agree with the above gentleman, TMAC, and that’s approach I take 99% of the time. But with one colleague who wouldn’t let up with the “just have 1 with me” line, I came up with a line that worked well enough to shut him down. I said “I was on a drug for awhile that was pretty tough on the liver, and my doctor advised me strongly to not drink anymore or risk some damage.” He has know idea that the drug I was referring to was alcohol…lol.
People dont like me when im drunk either. Keep in mind that sober you is much more pleasant than drunk you. That should allow you to be honest and confident. I try not to lie when i answer because lies keep me drunk. Small lies can build up. Keep your head up and if necessary dont be ashamed to tell them the truth if they push. Good luck.
+1 for a simple “I don’t drink”. And tbh I’d be surprised if anyone even mentions it. Other people tend not to give a shit about what you’re drinking - people who don’t have drinking problems don’t worry about this kind of stuff! If they are good company you will have a good time and if you’re enjoying yourself they won’t even notice. If they do notice… That says something about them!
I guess the real question is, do you want to go to a bar? London is probably the best place in the UK to be sober at night. Maybe look up some stuff you’d like to do and if anyone asks you out for drinks you could say, oh I was hoping to check out xyz while I’m here.
This is a good post about dealing with boozy situations:
I was just in the ER a few weeks ago. The doctor asked me if I wanted painkillers. I said no, I’m allergic. Everytime I take them I break out in rehab. We all had a good laugh. It was a good ice breaker.
If theyre Brits you’re meeting with, do not be worried about it. It’s actually not considered a social defect not to drink here, we actually really commend it. If you tell them you don’t drink, they might ask you why but a non-drinker here is really not that big of a deal.
Some excellent advice, agree with the consensus of being honest and saying I don’t drink rather than opening myself up to further questions if I lie. I might see if I can find a gym nearby least I can say I’m training or like Sian said deflect the bar invite with my own plans. It’s only a week, who gives a crap if I avoid as long as I’m pleasant in the office, reminds me, better wash my socks before then.
Let me check my rolodex:
Im on antibiotics for…
No, im ok right now, thanks.
I Dont drink…
Ive had my fill…
Maybe later,
Changed my mind,
A bit tired, early wake up
It’ll only put me too sleep…
Never on a school night,
Or the one that seems to work for women the world over …i have a headache.
(No offense intended ladies).
If you are as loveable as you sound in this post then you can go to London with a brave heart. You will never be the new boring guy. Show them that you don’t have to drink to have a good time. You got this!!
Add another +1 to the simple “I don’t drink” category. I refuse to give any other reply. I am under no obligation to explain my life choices, as far as I’m concerned. The people in my life who matter already know my reasons, and I maintain a hard line on insisting that people respect my choice for no reason other than that it is my damn life, no further explanation required.
Ah, that’s very sweet however I used to drink for confidence. I had pretty low self esteem in my 20s and loved the false confidence that alcohol and other recreational drugs gave me. I started working out a few years ago and I’m definitely more confident than I ever used to be, I still don’t like social situations though and worry that I’ll give in to the drinking thing so as I fit in rather than standout.
Some excellent advice here. Luckily it’s only 5 days. Because I’m a total nerd and can get away with talking about full on geek shit I considered accepting the invitation of “drinks after work” and then when asked what I want going for the non alcoholic response and when pressed say I’m writing a book on how my life has changed since giving up alcohol for 1 year, I’m on day (xxx) and look I’m in fucking London starting a new job, congratulations you’ve made it into chapter 21! Too much?
