With becoming know yourself is also coming a big responsibility for loving yourself. You know that it is yours and only yours choice who you want to be, right? You can always work on yourself. Build the person who you want to be. Act exactly how you choose. To be the best version of yourself is in your hands. You need to be very open minded. See “mistakes” you are doing and be able admit them without self-criticizing or self-blaming. All you need to do is learn and don’t repeat what you don’t like.
I was absolutely different person just about a year ago. But then I learnt that if I don’t like something what I do I just need stop doing it. E.g. I was jealous, without trust (and if you know my experience you wouldn’t be surprise why). But I felt like it’s unfair to be jealous without a reason. Unfair to see “things” in situations which were absolutly ok. My new boyfriend was afraid when I’ll be jealous again and why. I was making up things to just be able put him down. It was horrible behaving and I am happy that I realised that it doesn’t make him happy and nor did me. It took an energy and big portion of self-control to change my mind and way how I saw things. I had to think about things a lot, look at the situations more reasonably. Put my false emotions on the side and exchanged them for love. I realised how much I love my boyfriend and how much I was hurting him and that I was slowly destroying all nice we have together. And so I changed. And since then my life is way easier. Like to lose a stone from my heart and mind. I fully trust him and it gives an unbelievable freedom to me (and to him).
So you can do whatever you want. You can be whoever you want. Once you will realise that you’re the only leader of your life and the only person who can take control over your emotions and acting, then you can fullfill your life exactly how you want.
Sorry that was for nullcorp not you. When it comes to sobriety and mental health sometimes the best thing is time and patience.
Let me tell people something, being on meds IS real recovery! I hate that you have this idea that it’s not. Wherever you got it, throw it away. Don’t listen to that shit.
I am an addict as well as an alcoholic, benzos (specifically xanax and klonopin) being my drug of choice. I would NEVER tell someone in your shoes that taking xanax as absolutely needed, as prescribed, wasn’t sober. Never! I would encourage them to be aware of the dangers and consult their doctor. I take Lexapro, propranolol at a below prescribed dosage, and just recently started Buspar again. I am absolutely sober and absolutely in real recovery.
I’m sorry you have been turned away from this thread for a time, but glad you are back to it!
It does get better, I promise. Mostly, after a time, you just get used to life and accept it as it is, which brings peace of mind. But that comes after some great changes. Breathe for today, get through this rough place we call early recovery, and worry about the future in the future. Also, check out some online meetings. Both SMART and AA have them. Intherooms.com is the AA site and the SMART main site can lead you to their online meetings. It sucks that your therapists there are bullshit, mine have saved my life.
Off to work with me. I’m glad this thread is coming back!
My experience of the prolonged, fuck life depression came after about five months sober. It has continued to come and go (coming up to 19 months sober now). I’m on Sertraline (Zoloft) which has taken the sting out of anxiety but the depression still hangs over me and the waiting list for CBT is long where I live.
Trying to navigate mental health without support is hard. There’s only so much we can take from other people’s experiences, especially on a forum like this, because none of us see what goes on ‘off screen’ and it’s hard to communicate effectively about such complicated stuff through a keyboard!
I think that’s why a lot of the responses are the same… Basic health and wellbeing (sleep, diet, exercise), mindful activities (meditation, yoga, walking, running, gardening) and some combination of medication and therapy.
I would say another +1 for giving it time. The shit comes and goes. It isn’t always awful. And when it is awful, it isn’t the sobriety that’s awful. And when it’s awful, drinking doesn’t make it better, which is why you’re here!
I find the basic health and wellbeing stuff difficult to stick to while I’m in my pit of despair. So I don’t! I try and come back to it whenever I level off. I think over time my baseline level of health is improving and I try and focus on that. I find I feel worse when I spend a lot of time thinking about how I’m feeling and also thinking about how I want to feel, or how I think I should be feeling (i.e. happy, grateful etc).
While I don’t go to AA, a lot of the principles I have learned from it via this forum are the things that help me get through. Taking it one day at a time. Letting go of expectations (future resentments). Having the serenity to accept the things I can’t change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
I hit this around 4 months into sobriety, and I realized I needed something more. That’s when I decided to go to AA. Then after my ex passed away this summer I really had to dig in. That’s when I had a spiritual awakening. I went back to church, started building my relationship with God, and found Celebrate Recovery. CR is where I found that there is more to my recovery than just dealing with my alcoholism. Right now I’m 421 days sober, dealing with a multitude of issues, but my anxiety/depression are almost nil. No medication required!
I hope you find your peace, and keep your focus on your sobriety. This is a great group with a lot of diversity, and great advice. Keep building that sober toolbox!
Back to mental health and supporting each other with depression…
Went for a walk through the woods with a neighbour and her baby who is just adorable. The weather was just right, cold but blue sky. Kicking through crunchy leaves and good lungfuls of crisp air. Definitely helps!
I too feel those exact feelings and it has caused me to relapse once and I am back to 2 days and some on hours. I’m looking for any suggestions and someone told me to try meditation so today that is what I am trying to do. As I get overwhelmed I stop and sit with my eyes clothes and concentrate on just my breathing that brings me back to a center to where I can try to begin again. --
Parker
To the OP. Do you journal or meditate. They won’t cure depression but they can help with symptoms. Also coloring is a good stress reliever.
@C_8 did you have your appointment with your doctor regarding SSRIs today, I hope it went well. 
Hey there @Parker143. Sometimes when I am overwhelmed or anxious, I just look at this and breathe in and out. It helps my nervous system calm down. 
Thans @anon13078412 I really missed seeing you on here, but I totally get it Hope you pace yourself for a while 
Dr’s appointment is tomorrow. I am open minded about SSRI’s, but nervous (the irony!). I will give him all my info and see what he has to say. I hate taking prescription drugs though, so if he thinks that’s the way to go … I’ll have lots of questions! But that’s all for tomorrow. I’m trying to be in the ‘now’ right now… although I am questioning the whole Christmas tree thing!! 
@ifs, James mate I wasn’t on the forum when you reached your year sober so I will take the opportunity now to congratulate your massively, from posts of your that I have read on here I know that you deal with and have on a daily basis overcome one hell of a lot and I respect you humoungesly for that (is that a word?) And your a bloody helpful person in this community . Your an inspiration dude.
I want to adopt him.
He’s a fighter isnt he. I know the thought of taking a prescription drug can be daunting but if they think it will help them it’s got to be worth a shot.
I started listening to the radio again today, I stopped as I refuse to listen to any Christmas songs before December and they seem to start playing them in November, only bought one Christmas present so far aswell, I’m determined to enjoy this Christmas though, it will be the first in a long time.
I’ve missed everyone here too! Ahem all correctly spelt:joy:
I started drinking heavily at 14. Lots of drugs and crazy bullshit for 18 years, then the day came when I decided enough was enough.
I quit drinking, and smoking cigarettes on the same day. A couple months in I realized the emotions I was feeling were not just ‘part of recovery’. I went to get a referral from my doctor for mental healthcare.
Where I lived, it took me 8 months to get seen by a mental health provider, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1, and another month to be prescribed medication. I was completely sober, unmedicated Bipolar 1 for 9 months.
I walked. I excersize. I worked on finishing my home remodel. I went on adventures with my nephews. I binge watched dozens of tv shows. I hid at home on the bad days, because I was a sober, unmedicated Bipolar person and I was anxious and emotional -and I didn’t want to put other people through dealing with my crazy, or take a chance on drinking.
Now, I am 2 years into my journey of getting bipolar medications correct. I am just coming out of a mania that was many months long, so we added seroquel, and upped my limotrigine.
I do yoga daily, I meditate, I journal, I do CBT, I am learning to sew and make things with my hands, I go to therapy.
I talk to people openly about my thoughts, and emotions. I figure if I can tell someone that I am ‘having a bipolar day’ and describe what I’m going through and how it actually feels (I said the other day that mania makes it feel like I can feel my emotions rushing through my veins, like I could explode with the slightest nic), it’s better than them not understanding, and many people are grateful for my open approach to talking about how my mental illness effects me.
Write down everything, and if you are writing anyway, try some cognitive behavioral therapy. Let me know if you ever want to chat. Dual diagnosis is really really common.
Sorry, friend. I know the negativity isn’t helpful.
I really liked your post
Its just sad that the OP re-started the thread, even though there were some dodgy posts in the first wave, and now … this…
It is really disappointing 
Edit: Well a couple of posts are going to look weird now that the rant posts have been removed! Thank you @SassyRocks and @C-sun .
OK @driftwood … Third attempt 
I have removed the AA discussion from here and reopened the thread. Lucky that c-sun was on duty, not me, because this was not a constructive conversation about AA. And derailing such an important thread is unfortunate.
We are here to help and heal. Please try to remember that.
Hopefully you can find your footing again and help each other in this thread. And hopefully the negativity will stay out.