No you’re not an evil person! You’re one rad mamma-jamma with a huge heart and questionable fashion sense. 
Just like me! That took some guts, Mike. Proud of you. Glad you stayed.
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I agree with what you say. My addiction is my problem and my responsibility.
I would just like to have what most users (substance abusers) have here: a safe place to recover. Same rules for me as for the rest of you. Can you remember when was the last time someone posted a pic of alcohol? Or using drugs? I can’t. Neither do I remember anyone blowing their fuse when they got flagged about doing so. With topless (male) selfies it’s different: basically every two weeks. Only 1 guy said oh sorry! Others have had a snotty attitude.
Those pictures are one thing - they are disturbing. However, what bothers me even more is the pissy attitude some people have towards my doc. The mocking, the laughing. That’s just toxic, especially on a sobriety forum.
Someone said I should respect if I want to be respected. I have. I have lobbied for months trying to be understanding and diplomatic. However, I’ve noticed some people just refuse to see beyond their own addiction. It is better for my recovery to steer clear from such people.
Flag, mute, ignore.
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Thank you Mike.
I’ve never meant you’re evil, but what you said and did felt really hurtful. I agree, let’s carry on. All the best for your recovery.
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Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean they don’t deal with it. Their lives are not easier than ours. They deal with it represented in movies, ads, and walking down the street. Same as you and me. If it is appropriate for the beach, it’s probably something that I should get used to seeing on occasion.
If I still find myself wanting to act out because I am unable to see someone for the human they are rather than their outfit (or lack thereof), then it probably means I have more work to do. Lusting after someone or trying to control them to behave in the manner I want are both forms of selfishness. I am either fantasizing about how I want them to behave or expecting them to behave in a way that I want them to behave. The world wouldn’t be better if everyone followed the rules or my ideal.
Both paths will leave me disappointed and resentful. That is when I am walking on a slippery slope and Iwill fall eventually if I don’tget straight quick.
While I understand and support the rules, I choose not to live in resentment when someone breaks them. I can’t or I will probably end up in a relapse I may never come out of. We’re human, and I’m much happier when I live and let live.
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When I leave my door, yes triggers are there. For us all. I sympathize with every addict that struggles with triggers. We can’t rid them from real life, nor should we expect to. That’s not what I’m after.
What I’m trying to point out, over and over again, that this is a sobriety forum. This is not a store, a beach, a street, a pub. Different rules apply here for common good and to support recovery. For you, hopefully for me too.
I can and will handle triggers I see here. That’s not the issue. Ignorance, indifference and undermining attitude are things that rub in the wrong way.
But as you said, I can’t change people. I can however use my voice and set my boundaries, and I’m not gonna tolerate trespassers. Flag, mute, ignore.
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We are all on the same path of healing, most of us are at different parts of the journey. Took me a long time to realize this. Empathy, consideration, understanding…something I needed to gain and continue to work on
Just my thoughts as I poop at work
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I demand a recount 
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My posts on the tough love thread tend to get a lot of likes, even though I am an asshole lol
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You know I love 
you Joy
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I’ve largely stayed away from this discussion that’s been going on the past day or so (and every time it comes up). I am not a sex/porn addict, and I don’t see it as my place to determine what does/doesn’t trigger them. I’ll leave that up to them, and I will do my part to ensure that all are comfortable here. I believe in being respectful and using common sense. When in doubt, err on the side of caution. The rule of “no shirtless pics” is also a pretty cut-and-dry rule to follow, not difficult. IDK how it became about shoulders vs no shoulders.
That said – I have to ask for clarification on what you mean by “outlier”. Outlier, as in more “likes” than the typical other photos of members of the same sex/gender? Outlier as is, photo doesn’t break the rules, but could be triggering? Asking because I am almost certain that #14 is yours truly. I don’t feel attacked or anything, it’s honest curiosity and looking for the use of that term to be hashed out a bit more.
I will say, for myself, that tank tops are just what I wear 90% of the time. When I first joined TS, I remember reaching out to a mod (no longer with us) before posting my first selfie in a tank top, just to check if it was OK, out of consideration for the TS community. Said it was fine, but obviously these things can change over time.
However, if at any time anyone objects to any of my photos, I welcome that feedback and would remove any of them if asked/if it was indicated to me that it’s detrimental to anyone here. I would hope someone would feel comfortable enough to speak up. It’s just a photo, and they’re just imaginary internet points (likes). No bother to me if I have to delete any of them, if it means making this place safer for everyone.
Personally, I think I’m well within the boundaries – I’ve never been told otherwise, and that being in shape/muscular or anything like that would mean I have to abide by different standards. Same goes for women with larger breasts, as an example. Shouldn’t have to wrap themselves in a smock and render themselves shapeless. Again, though, I rely on those who have issues related to sex to aid in setting the boundaries – they know better than I do – and as a forum member, it is my own duty to respect those boundaries.
It’s all just about respect, thinking before you post, and being willing to LISTEN to one another.
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OK, that’s what I thought – just wanted to ask!
I am a data analyst by profession so this sort of thing is of interest to me. 
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I’m far from perfect. Lord knows it took a lot of hard knocks to learn my lessons when it came to my taking other people’s behavior personally.
I think that the energy that we put into the universe manifests our reality.
Let’s say that I am a sex addict and one day there is a woman in a bikini sunbathing on my lawn. So, I get triggered and a remedy the situation by putting up a sign that says “No Bikini Zone.” I would be willing to bet that given enough time there would be Instagram influencers taking selfies in front of that sign. It’s human nature for some to be that way. We like the feeling of giving the one finger salute.
SO, I charge out there and make them feel like idiots for disregarding my sign and tell them to get the hell off my lawn. What kind of energy do you think I am going to get from them in return?
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Something that I have found interesting as a moderator is just how little some of the things I consider to be big issues (usually where someone is being particularly disruptive) actually cut through to the rest of the forum. Sometimes the idea that not everyone is aware of it seems impossible, but I guess there are just so many posts, combined with the fact that the active user base is in a constant state of flux, that actually a lot of people just genuinely don’t see it.
Same goes for my interactions as a member, especially after being around for a relatively long time. The general conversations that I have something to contribute to (socialising sober, being sober in a relationship, some mental health stuff etc) come up over and over again as people come and go. It can feel repetitive and at times frustrating - but that is my issue and my choice on whether to engage in it.
On this topic, the no topless rule is clear and on the whole people do seem willing to work around it. (Side note - props to @anon53116147 for owning his reaction and making peace with it.)
The path to sanity here I reckon 
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It seems you’re implying with your lawn example that’s the course of action I’ve taken. You’re missing key steps.
- Sir, you can’t be topless here.
- Yes, I can.
- No, you can’t it’s not allowed.
- hey missy don’t be so uptight. Chill out, look the other way, live and let live!
- Well there is a reason why it’s not allowed. You see, because this and this and this…
- well you really should not be bothered about it. I don’t get why I can’t flex myself here, it’s soooo natural you know.
- That’s not the point. The point is, as I said, this this and this.
- I don’t get it! I have a right! What about those girls over there? They show cleavage, they should cover.
- Those girls are not topless. You are.
- It’s still not fair! What is this place, where women can show off! Give me tassels I’ll cover my nipples.
- it’s not about nipples. It’s about the fact that you, sir, are here topless, which is against regulations.
- i disagree! I disagree!
- that’s ok, you can disagree. Could you please put a shirt on?
- NO!
- Your nudity is disturbing others. Would you please have your shirt on?
- NO!
- OK. I’n that case, GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAWN!!!
So who is sending out what kind of vibe??
At the end the day, we can agree to disagree and go on our merry ways. Peace out bro. Flag mute ignore.
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We can disagree. Hope you have a wonderful day.
Yep. Well said. I’m definitely tired of this whole topic. Mike came out, owned up and we carry on. That’s examplary, let’s do that more.
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Everything went well, no complaints from me…lol…next guy…maybe.
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