Hi Joséphine here. 12 days sober. Wasn’t really alcoholic but I was surely getting there. I feel like I have this whole in me. And nothing I do can fill it up. Like I try food, I try alcohol, I try a lot and still this emptiness. Do you ever get this feeling?
Since I began to stop drinking, so not even 2 weeks ago. I feel like it’s missing something. I fall again into my addictions like online shopping and food mostly. But I’m feeling sad a lot for no reason. Is it just depression or is it like a normal thing when you gave up alcohol?
I know that I should see a psychiatrist but I’m gonna stop you: hate them. Not an option.
I hope someone else understands or give me answers because I’m confused for the moment.
Well to be honest I also have health problems so my presence in classes is close to zero and it’s very frustrating for me. I wanna succeed and past my exams but I’m always hold back with something. Maybe this is the reason I feel empty?
I know I should be wise enough to understand what I can change and what I have to accept. But sometimes I feel lile living somebody else’s life. I have no control except the compulsive buying or the alcohol.
So if my problems are caused by something I can’t change, how on earth can I get better?
If alcohol or an ed was taking up a lot of time and energy then you will have excess time and energy as u recover. I certainly felt a bit lost, aimless, uncertain. Finding things to do, making goals, etc, helped. Maybe ur lack of health and inability to go to class is a factor in this.
Then if the alcohol or ed was a coping strategy for a void inside, ie, depression, then counseling, behavioural therapy will help. There are some online counseling which u could do from home if u are not well. I find counseling more helpful and practical than psychiatry, tho I don’t have extensive experience.
Thanks. It actually really helped me. I feel like you described. Alone even though I have a lot of people beside me. It’s weird to feel alone when you are not.
I don’t know why but in some way I don’t feel ready to be in a group of people like AA in usa, idk what it is in Belgium. It’s just like I’m still in deny that I have a problem and go there will be like I have a problem. Idk if it makes sense at all.
I think you’ll find a way or ways to fill that void if you can get to AA and seek and find the spiritual ‘re-boot’ it offers - and that’s regardless of what you ‘believe in’. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking, though that means forever, one day at a time.
And if you don’t get the ‘re-boot’ you’ll get a tremendous sense of cameraderie, and will learn things that may make more sense in the future.
I agree here. I think you’re feelings are totally normal. So theres a few things at hand you described which should be considered.
You dont feel you’re an alcoholic but you feel you could get there. Reading between the lines, it’s like you’re changing direction before you end up at a bad destination I.e. stopping a problem before it happens. Which is a great display of awareness but also probably quite internally awkward because you’re solving a problem that wasnt actually a problem yet. Which naturally makes us ask the question “Well if it wasnt a problem, why am I trying to solve it?”… Just keep in mind that the problem you’re solving isnt an immediate problem but nonetheless a problem waiting to happen - a bit like filling up the petrol on your car when the empty light comes on. Better to fill up now than get stuck on a motorway, right?
Its only 12 days ago that you stopped… so the behaviour you have not stopped exhibiting, you only stopped recently and you most likely havent learned/found any other new behaviours to fill the place they once were. When we talk about mourning an addiction, it’s this particular empty place that we are mourning - The emptiness you’re feeling IS real. It has actually happened, the sadness you’re feeling is completely organic and just like mourning the death or a person or a relationship or a pet, it takes time to heal from it but…naturally, something will fill the void.
Compulsive/Impulsive buying is something I think a lot it addicts feel is difficult to get over. My experience of this was very challenging - Having a full bank account for a month and not spending it on alcohol and drugs was an entirely new concept - to me, money was for spending, what’s the point having it if you’re not going to spend it? The problem with spending on alcohol and drugs is you get very little return on your investment when you do but it feels good. If you can see out the first 2 paydays of not drinking and experience what it’s like to hold onto money from the month before, you may find that you re-evaluate your relationship with money. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing would it?
The feeling of being in control is something that again, a lot of addicts struggle with. When I was in active addiction, I felt like I had very little control over anything except drink and drugs… and I gave it my all! I moved to Prague,far away from home where I isolated myself in peace and quiet so that I could be a drunk-junkie without criticism. When I realised I’d lost awareness over that control and decided to stop using and drinking, I actually realised I was in control of everything all alone… and when I took control of it,everything got so much better than it was before.
You’re doing your exams and you’re probably feeling under pressure to perform and do well…People have got their eye on you, their Hope’s are high and so are yours - You may even be doubting whether your ability is enough to match their expectations. Maybe it’s not about anyone else at all and you just want to kick ass! If I could give you one word of advice about this… I would say let go of the control you have over drink and channel it into your exams.
I think I understand. For me the emptiness is the loss of that exciting social life… The illusion of a social life that I had. The superficial friendships. I’m 636 days sober and I’ve found more positives. Keep using this place. There are many good people here with helpful words
Yes, I feel like that every day to the point where I don’t sleep (hense my insomnia ‘name’). I’ve had counceling and yet that void is there. Hang in there, I truly believe it will eventually be filled with goodness. Filling it with alcohol only makes it worse, I don’t do drugs but I’m thinking the results are still the same.
The void you feel is your spirit or lack thereof. Find what you need to grow your spiritual life and you will fill the void. AA had worked for me, but I’m sure others on this forum have found other ways to fill the void.
That hole inside of you was created by God and He designed it to be filled only with His Son Jesus Christ. My prayer for you is to seek Him. Most people spend their entire lives trying to fill it with food or sex or family or you fill in the blank.
When I gave up my DoC’s (one of which was alcohol) I felt like I was going through the grieving process. Grieving for…
My habit - I was still surrounded by the triggers that made me drink or take drugs and I missed my routine/responses to those.
My emotional crutch - in times of difficulty
My best friend - in times of celebration
My social life
My place in a society that gravitates around drink
As with all grieving processes, recovery takes a long time and I am only a short way into it, but getting there.
What I have had to do is look for replacements for all those situations and by far the most difficult are grieving my social life and my place in a drink-orientated society.
