Welcome here! Glad to have you! You sound scared enough to be willing to make changes! That’s great! 
Let’s work on giving you some motivation besides that so when the fear fades, you’ll stick with it. If you 
up top anniversary or milestones you’ll find many threads of ppl whose lives have changed for the better drastically when they quit. That always inspires me.
Here are some resources that have helped others educate themselves and stay sober: Resources for our recovery
And this is just invaluably good advice: Your #1 tip for sobriety (over 2 years sober)
Best of luck and stick around! I recommend using the check in thread for community and accountability! Checking in daily to maintain focus #51
