Testing your sobriety for the sake of seeing how strong you are is a terrible idea. Remember all it takes is one drink do undo the progress you made. At 27 days you haven’t even regained baseline.
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Thanks for the reply but I’m not testing my sobriety - I’m recognising and using my strength and power. Also, it’s not for the sake of it, its to facilitate stronger and faster and positive change. As a long-term alcohol user, I am certainly aware of what 1 drink can lead to. Re my 27 days, all sobriety journeys are unique… I know where I’m at and what is safe for me to do. So no, for me, its not a terrible idea…its a brilliant idea.
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That’s the response I usually get when I try to explain it to someone. Then about 6 months later I read a relapse post from them and they are so surprised that they relapsed at the bar/work party/wedding etc.
Don’t worry I had to learn my lessons the hard way too. A lot of us did. I thought at 40-50 days a wine tour would be okay. It wasn’t.
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When you say explain “it”, it sounds like you are saying it is it. Your journey, sobriety, brain, outlook, approach etc is yours. Mine is mine. Theirs is theirs. There is no “it”. We all have different lives, different experiences, different approaches.
For me, avoiding all things alcohol is neither helpful or possible. I live in a UK city and so can’t walk more than half a mile without it being available / offered…pubs, off licences, supermarkets, restaurants, bars. And yes, I can decline party invites, works do’s etc but am I actually going to not going to go to a family wedding or funeral because alcohol will be there. These are the challenges I will have to take on, so, for me, the sooner the better.
We are all different, we’re not all destined for failure if we take on our challenges.
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Plenty of challenges without intentionally putting yourself in more. You are right there. I lived in a trap house my first few months of sobriety. Drug dealers there every day. Heroin and alcohol was right in front of my face every day. It was horrible and I hated every second of it. Thankfully I found a way out before I ended up relapsing.
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There’s always a chance that we misestimate our strength while stepping out of our sobriety comfort zone, and that could mean risking our lives (literally or not). Not worth it.
There’s no need to hurry, we do sobriety every day, sometimes invisible progress is deeper than the noisy one.
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Living in a trap house for a few months. That sounds even more intense than a few hours at a party. And you faced those challenges for a few months, head on and came through it and didn’t have the inevitable relapse you’ve told me I’m pretty much guaranteed of having? So it can be done after all? Well done.
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I’m not stepping out of my sobriety comfort zone. I’m staying very much in it…whilst taking on the challenges I face.
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I don’t think it can be said for sure in advance of a challenge.
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Sorry I missed this at the time! Thank you 
If you don’t feel like it’s the right time for you then it’s not the right time. Over time I came to realise that my drinking was a way to fit in, an extension of feeling like I had to be doing certain things for some imagined idea of approval and as part of my identity.
When I realised that I really don’t have to do the things I don’t want to do, and that it’s really not a big deal, it was such a revelation. Even though it seems so blindingly obvious to write it down 
These things do get easier in time. There’s no need to rush if you don’t want to 
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Not in everyone’s case, no. In my case, yes it can. I’m unique, self aware, know my strengths and weaknesses and know, for me, what it safe and what isn’t. I think the sharing of experience, views, opinions is extremely important, helping and valuable. I also think that suggesting that we will all get a particular and uniform result if we take a particular path or action, as well as being cleay untrue, is very unhelpful. Yes, some people when in situations where alcohol is present, relapse - and lots don’t.
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Oh. The relapse was coming. I honestly think I would have been better off living in a shelter or on the street. I was going to 3 meetings a day and doing outpatient at the time so I spent as little time there as possible. Living there was not something I wanted to do because it built character. I had no other options than the ones listed above.
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“built character”…exactly what I’m doing by facing my situations rather than avoiding them. And as you’ve said I’m choosing to put myself in these situations (you’re right, I am) - it could be argued that you chose to put yourself in that trap house situation. You had other options - homelessness and shelter as you pointed out - crap choices, agreed, but choices all the same. So all that said, how can you say that you being in a situation where alcohol is constant is character building but me choosing to, occasionally, be in a situation where alcohol is present is a terrible idea?
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Because I’ve already lived it. It was horrible. It didn’t build character. Even with the hours a day I spent working on recovery I was pretty much undoing everything I was working on. I made no progress in sobriety or in life while liviving there. However, as soon as I left my life got better, not because I was in that situation, but because I was out of it. Call it luck, God’s will, whatever, but I barely survived that. But what I did was dumb, foolhardy and arrogant. If I were to go back and re-live that situation 99 more times I’d probably use every single time. Luckily, I’ve learned a lot since then and now realize the error of my ways.
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Quick copy n paste from a Facebook friend…
“When I was quitting smoking, Alan Carr’s book said that you should still do all the things you did before so you dont create a deprived mentality. I still went out for smoke breaks with my friends and still went to the bars. I have been smoke free for 16 years.”
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Well I’ve gotten sober doing the exact opposite of what some guy (who profits off the misery of people in addiction) said in his book. I’ll have 4 years in a couple weeks. Think I’ll stick with that. You do you.
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A reminder of the original post. While individual personal experience can be valuable, let’s not wander any further into derailment territory.
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Like a lot of others, I chose to avoid such stress inducing invites until I had some solid sober time and self confidence. I felt bad backing out of stuff, especially important events (like my BFFs cancer walk), but I knew the drinking involved would make me agitated and on edge. In the end, I chose ME and what was best for ME and I never have regretted chosing my self and my sobriety over an invite, party, celebration, etc.
It is okay to say no to others and/or to change our minds and beg off. We can still love and care for friends while loving and caring for our self and sobriety. It took awhile for me, but I felt much more confident attending events after many months of solid sobriety.
Being honest with our selves and our friends or family is a positive step. Really listening to our selves and our body and mind reactions and feelings. When our body and mind is screaming THIS MAKES ME FEEL ICKY OR AGITATED… listen. 
It is 100% okay to baby your sobriety and nurture it. You are the only self you have…treat your self like the most important person in your life…because you are. Invest in your self. 
If you decide to go, know you can leave early if you need to. Or take a walk. Or take some time log on here and read or reach out. Or yeah, just leave. Or set up a visit at a coffee shop. Or take a walk together some day instead of the parties. There are options.
Please keep us posted!
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I’m totally with you on this. It’s my husband’s birthday next week and my 40th in 3 weeks. I wish I had some amazing words of advice but everyone here is a lot wiser than me so I’m following along. Just sending you love and solidarity. I’m feeling super anxious about it myself.
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