I’ve been invited to two 40th parties in October and it’s playing on my mind… I just hope I don’t Fuk it all up 
How do people cope with social events…
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You don’t have to attend. That is a fiction. If you are concerned for your sobriety, you can say that to the people who need to know and do not attend. What’s more important, someone else’s disappointment that lasts a few minutes, or your sobriety?
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Well tbh I’ve been cancelling event most of the year… but that was due to me feeling insecure about my weight. But since I’ve decided to get her clean my weight is not an issue anymore.
It’s more about being sober & clean. I just feel
Like I’m cancelling my whole life… but I’m a newbie to this group and to getting sober.Xx
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There’s a couple of things I can say:
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How important is going / What is more important at this point in time? Going to the parties or remaining sober?
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If it is really impossible for you not to go, have a good think and plan ahead. Plan well. What will you drink instead of alcohol? What will you say when people ask why you don’t drink alcohol? What will you do when the urge to drink alcohol becomes strong? Do you have someone who knows about your sobriety available to ask for help, at the party or in your telephone contacts? Etcetera. All these questions have answers. Good answers. Answers that will keep you sober. Easiest way is to not go, but if you feel it is paramount you do go think about it beforehand, write down answers and a plan for yourself, and make sure you will stick to your plan! Success Gulnar.
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There are some great old threads on this which you might like to look at
Should I go to the party, wedding, holiday get together? And what about drink after work?
(Advice for holidays, parties, weddings, etc )
First thing is to ask yourself if you really have to go? If they are close friends they would probably understand if you thought it was a genuine risk to your sobriety. If they aren’t so close, they probably won’t be that bothered!
If you want to go though, plan what you will drink. If you have a sober friend ask to stick with them. And remember it’s OK to leave early! I found having a reason to get up in the morning helped. I know I was surprised at the amount of people that take it easy and leave early. I just never noticed cos I was busy hanging out with the other people getting shitfaced 
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But thanks you are right it’s more important to think about what’s right for me x
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It’s a film. Watch it start to finish in your head, BEFORE you go. How does it play out? You’re the lead character, you walk in…who do you see, what do you say, what do you do? “drink mate? What you having?” Plan it, prepare… BEFORE YOU GO. Don’t go in without a plan. You have stopped drinking. You don’t need to avoid these situations, you do need to plan ahead. When you watch the film in your head, also have the drink…how does that play out? We know the answer to that. So get your plan and stick to it. I’ll have a… OJ, water, coffee…whatever…decide now. “no, I’m not drinking thanks” “why not?” “it’s because… I don’t fancy one, I’m on a health kick, I’m driving, I’m an alcoholic…” whatever you choose to say or not say…but decide before. The better you plan it, the better it will go. Don’t leave it to chance or do it off the cuff. Stay strong
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Thank you so much for the advice… I still have another 2 weeks to decide.
But thank you some good pointers there 
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That’s such a good way of looking at it playing it out in my head first!
Sorry had to stop typing then to have a moment and 
it’s so fuckin hard and emotional but it’s a journey a new one and my life is going to be a million times better sober.
Thanks for the advice
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One is a close friend and the other was a close friend from high school that I haven’t seen it years, so it would be nice to see old faces.
If I can get through the first party sober then the second one should be ok
Il have a look at the old posts you recommended too thanks xx
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Enjoy the party sober…
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It will be a first… and hopefully the first of many 
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Hey @RoseGul you seem determined to stay on the sober journey and I congratulate you for this! Itll be worth all the difficulties, many times over!
If you have to go to the party:
Go early, leave early. 
Take your own separate car. This way you have to stay sober and you’re not depending on anyone for example your partner to come home at the same time.
Bring your own fav af drink, store it in a corner of the fridge or whatever and make sure you always have a cup of it on your hand.
You don’t owe anyone an exanation. “No thanks” is a full sentence. Get used to it. 
That one person who gets annoying/rowdy/mysogynist/flirty with your husband/pushes your buttons in any other way: ignore them, stay out of their way at all costs. Resentments and anger lead to drinking at people, especially in a drama-laden party Environment.
Take time outs. Go for a walk and listen to a sobriety podcast or come of here for a few min. Plan this in before you go. It’ll ground you.
Good luck in everything sober you do! 
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You couldn’t survive a date without drinking and you expect this to be different? Your friends will have other birthdays, but if you end up drinking at the parties you might not.
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If you feel your sobriety is at risk it is also perfectly acceptable to have something come up that means you can no longer attend the party, but arrange an alternative meet up to celebrate with them 
Missing a party or two now doesn’t mean you will miss them forever. It gets easier if you give yourself time to find your sober groove!
I went to my first social do with former drinking friends a couple of months into sobriety and I felt nervous but confident. I had a great time sober enjoying the company of people I care about and making lots of lovely memories. I had to have a plan and stick to it. Now, three years or so later I wouldn’t give it a second thought and I’d happily stay out till the small hours dancing and laughing with everyone.
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Simple dont go or take a sober buddy with you and leave early
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That is very true! I’m
Safer staying away … I’ve got a few weeks to decide. I’ve not reached out and explained to my friends yet about my new journey.
Maybe that’s the next step
X
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Thank you for your advise x
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I know i think it’s too early for me to put myself in the risk of failing. I know I’m not strong enough yet and wow well done to staying sober for so many years.
You must be so proud of yourself I’m so envious 
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I’m not in the avoid/cancel camp. Tbh, I relish and embrace these situations now. I’m only 27 days af but I grab the challenge and the opportunity. They’re opportunities for me to go in with a different mindset and come out with a different result. It all helps to retrain my subconscious and my behaviour. The more events I sober-succeed at, the stronger I become and the quicker that will become my new normal. Maybe won’t work for everyone but worth considering another way of looking at such challenges. For me, it’s not run away from them…its run towards them. Do whatever works for you. However you achieve sobriety, achieve sobriety.
Good luck, stay strong 
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