I think trying to do more stuff that I donât want/ canât be bothered to do would actually be a really good goal for me. My immediate thought is to say do one thing I donât want to a day⌠But this is the pattern I need to break, setting myself rigid goals that I inevitably break and then use as a stick to beat myself with. So just keeping it in mind. Today I did a couple of chores that I wanted to put off. Baby steps!
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yeah itâs just silly little things with me like should I cook dinner tonight, should I walk the dog, should I watch a certain program, bc I canât be bothered to anything atm but once I start learning to motivate myself it gets easier for the more important things like not wanting to get out of bed for work. Iâm not 
sure what Iâm trying to say apart from nothings quite as bad as I thought it was going to be before I did it.
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Definitely, itâs very easy to overthink everything and build it up to be much more than it needs to be.
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Ha yep thatâs exactly it! When we aim for the impossible we are never satisfied.
I was talking to my bf about all this and he said that if youâre going to be jumping from one thing to the next at least take some time to bask in the glory of it when youâve achieved something 
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Nothing to do with drinking and smoking but my brain did do a bit of story telling today and wound myself up for a while, throw that shit in the bin⌠back of the net!!
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Hi @siand, I relate so deeply to this! I struggle with the thoughts in my head, paradoxically swinging from contentment and ease to ambition and effort. Its exhausting. And confusing! I want to just feel peace, relax and ease the pressure off of myself, however I am an ambitious woman, I go after all these things/ideas/goals in the search for growth and development. I know that with effort comes reward. But, often, the effort is too much and I wonder why Iâm doing it to myself; why I canât accept and just be who I am, see that I am enough as is, in this moment for deep down I know my kind, loving heart and good intentions.
Iâve just finished reading Brene Brownâs book: Braving the Wilderness (amazing book btw!) and in it she talks about this 
. I found it so insightful : ) Itâs all to do with the quest for True Belonging.
Brene defines true belonging as this:
*True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesnât require you to change who you are; it requires you to BE who you are.
She talks about the only thing we know for certain - that âon this quest, weâll need to learn how to navigate the tension of many paradoxes along the wayâ. Carl Jung argued that a paradox is one of our most valued spiritual possessions and a great witness to the truth. He wrote, âonly the paradox comes anywhere near to comprehending the fullness of life.â
Not sure how helpful this response is, but I do hope it brings you some ease knowing you are not alone in this space. I too have all these very same questions swilling around in my head and overthink them daily. I try to remember to cut myself some slack, and to just be present, as best I can. 
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Im ending the day tossing away âstress caused by perfectionismâ annoying and useless.
Im out bye!
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jealousy and resentment going in the bin today. Iâm only putting it the bin bc they are apparently negative emotions but when your jealous of someone elseâs sober days I would hardly call it a fault, maybe I should put a spin on it and call it motivation.
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Iâm throwing laziness in the bin today. I need to get off my ass and get my house cleaned up. I keep telling myself I deserve to rest but I did that yesterday.
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Thatâs totally me. Yesterday and today.
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yeah so am I Iâve just got up to go to work and really canât be bothered but the new me does everything I donât want to, itâs character building⌠Have a good everyone. Find peace.
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laziness, 7am and working on a Saturday. Someoneâs got to do it. Be strong all and have a good day.
hate, resentment, worry, stress, cravings, fuck the world, pride.
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Iâve taken this too far
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Youâve definitely taken it too far. We cannot allow you to put yourself in the bin. Youâre worth so much more to all of us in this community. Nice try though.
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Iâm feeling good, you know that. This is just the result of isolation boredom. Next Iâm going to reply to all my old posts just bc I can 
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You crack me up!! I know youâre in a good place. Responding to old posts is even funnier. I love that your humor is back!!
just a little bit of resentment⌠in you go.