And welcome back.
I remember one of my friends telling me shortly after relapsing,
“You may not see any changes happening in you, but I do. I see growth, even if you don’t see so well in yourself.”
She was right. And I want to relay that same message to you. You are growing.
The relapse is an opportunity that God uses to help me look at unexposed, unaddressed deeper rooted problems within myself. For unless I relapsed, I felt I needed nothing extra. In sobriety, I felt I was doing everything right.
But God wanted to fix something deeper. He wanted to make this journey easier. He knew that my porn use was not the problem, but a symptom of deeper rooted problems within me.
Over the years, we’ve worked through several real problems together. One problem was the brainwashing. Another was shame. Another boundaries, particularly the importance of custody of the mind. Another the broken relationship with God.
But one problem that many keep unresolved is the problem of connection. I define connection as male friends, brothers in the Lord, that know me and encourage my personal and spiritual growth. I have numerous such friends, around 20, through in-person and zoom meetings.
My wife nor a therapist are sources of such connection. In fact, I leave my wife out of my program. She knows that I take such problems to my male friends that can better handle and advise me. But I will still support someone if he chooses to disclose to his wife or go to a therapist. It could be helpful. But I’ve also seen cases where it’s not been helpful.
Thus, my first idea for you is to find connection. A 12 step group, or a men’s group, in person or zoom. I believe that lack of connection is a much more serious problem than my fapping to porn.
And this journey is worth it. Yeah, it took a lonnnnng time. I won’t lie. But I’m so better off. It’s not about avoiding porn anymore. It’s about my healing from shame. Becoming a more masculine, strong, confident, leader. Choosing to align my life according to God’s plan. So many things that my addiction was rooted in. And until I uprooted every one of those nasty problems within me, my flesh was going to continue to act subconsciously against me to undermine and sabotage my conscious efforts to stop my porn use. Never give up, ever. It’s completely worth it. Don’t give up. Keep learning and keep opening yourself to the great lessons that God wants to teach.