Hello there. Been drinking for 15 years, lost my marriage 2 years ago, and been recently blacking out a lot causing huge issues in my current relationship. This past Saturday (aug 7 was probably the final straw for my boyfriend and family. I had a horrible black out and said some malicious awful hurtful things to my boyfriend. I’m giving him his space and I am trying to get sober, currently evening of day 2 no alcohol. I missed work today and haven’t been able to get out of bed for 32 hours. I feel so incredibly scared and alone fighting this demon especially while possibly losing my boyfriend at the same time, we have hardly spoken as he is angry and hurt. I guess I’m just here to vent, talk, let it out. I’m tired of ruining my life. Thanks for listening
there are a few things i would recommend to you:
- do the 90 meetings in 90 days starting now (intherooms.com has womens meetings you should attend)
- give people space and let them come to you when they’re ready
- go for a walk and do daily walks
- drink lots of water
- put yourself first
if you stay sober, things are going to greatly improve in your life. i was a blackout drinker, out of a toxic relationship, just a fucking wreck, around the same age as you. i’m nearing 1.5 years sober today. my life is magical in many ways thanks to sobriety. stick around, go to meetings. 
Thank you so much for the reply. I don’t know how to update my bio on here I’m now 30 years old and have relapsed much since my bio says and my new sobriety date is august 8,2021. I guess the hardest part is knowing I will probably lose him, and I have said my one thousand apologies, but also know I need to stop talking and give him space 
Sorry you are going through this. You are in the right place. Claire-lo made excellent suggestions. Keep checking in.
right now is a really great time to be single, cry your eyes out on repeat, work on yourself to the max. you hit the nail on the head when you wrote: need to stop talking and give him space. yes girl yes. life will thank you later. ditch the crap in your 20s and welcome your 30s with a renewed sense of self and sobriety. yeehaw girl. stop wasting life with blackouts and start reeeally living!
Agreed, give him the space. Unfortunately our disease can make us do and say some nasty things to the ones we love most. Nothing said right now will make things right. The first step is putting yourself back together, one sober day at a time. Add enough of those up, keep doing the next right thing, and it’s amazing how things will start turning in your life.
Welcome Vixen.
Good start on your 2 days.
I echo everything @claire-lo said. 90 meetings 90 days. Is a great way to lay a good foundation.
Have a good read around here. This place has been a great place for me to get extra support in my sobriety. Addiction is too tough to go it alone. We are stronger in numbers. And we are all worth it.
Here are two good threads to start:
I hope to see you around.
Welcome. Every one here has had their life touched by an addiction, so you are definitely not alone. Good job on day 2 and starting your journey. I wish you the best of luck!!
Thank you for your insight 
Thank you
Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to learn, that means destroying the ones around you to finally learn. If it was easy everyone would be able to do it, just try to take care of yourself okay? Time to think about programs, rehab, what’s going to work for you so you can make some changes in your life.
We all make mistakes in life and what has been done is something you cannot change. What you can change is your future, time to stand up and take action and give yourself the life you deserve and enter recovery and stay in recovery because that is the only solution at the moment.
You’re not alone in this battle. Stay connected here, it really does help a lot. It sounds like you finally hit your breaking point, and even though it’s going to be tough right now, life will get so much better i promise if you stay on that sober path!
Thanks for taking the time to provide some insight. 
I M not going to work again today but have looked up two local AA meetings, I’ve never been to one and it’s very scary to think about. I live in a small town and don’t want to see anyone I know etc, shy public speaker. It will be my first meeting and I don’t even know if I will want to talk
You dont need to talk, you can go listen
It’s worth a shot, no one is going to judge you if you choose not to talk. Sobriety is something that took me time to open up on towards people, it doesn’t bug me anymore to tell someone I’m in recovery but that may not be the case for everyone. Be patient and give yourself back some love and don’t worry about what others think, it’s your life and you deserve the best life for you.
Just listen in the beginning, I hope you find other’s stories helpful!
Your not alone in the struggle, just take it easy and remember that there is a way out. Alot of patience and self care. AA might really help you out in these early days or recovery. Wish you well.
100% agree with that. When we’re sober…things magically get better in our lives.
I am going on 6 days sober now. It’s a start.
To this young lady I say a prayer for you and all people suffering from addiction and struggling in recovery.
Main point…this is only a day in time. The future is not representative of right now. It can get better…or worse. You get to choose. Why not choose better? Keep pushing, keep trying. Don’t give up. Don’t give in!!!