you know what comes to my mind immediately: addiction is our way to not deal with uncomfortable emotions right, we escape. you masturbate, I used to get sloshed. potato potato.
in therapy: uncomfortable feelings come up. is fucking incomfortable to sit there with this stranger having to talk about yourself.
so what do you do: you go into your addiction and you start fantasising. to escape and make the situation different. de-therapise him. if he’s just a hunky older gentleman, you can deal with him like with all the others you watch online. and that makes him much less dangerous for you, in your mind.
I mght be way off and very likely am. this is just ONE way out of many possible that could make sense. it’s not offensive to anyone. but you need to get past this stalemate if you want to get better.
Thank you for your insight. I won’t be leaving him any time soon. He is truly the best therapist I have ever had. He has PTSD so understands what I go through suffering from it. He is a specialist and amazing at his job.
I do think if we had met under different circumstances I would have totally been open to dating him. Hell, if he wanted to cross a boundary now I wouldn’t be able to resist.Besides him being handsome, I genuinely like his spirit. There is a compassion and warmth I feel when in his presence.
Besides sexual fantasy, I would be content just to cuddle with him. He is like a big teddy bear. I can tell he would give good hugs. I think after some of our sessions I need a hug and he is right there with gentle kind eyes and a warm smile.
I am bonding with him. He is helping me to finally start healing and growing as a person. He has introduced new methods of therapy I have never tried and they are starting to help me improve in every way. I can tell the longer I remain in therapy with him, the stronger I will become.
I don’t want to lose him so for now I can’t tell him about my SA nor my feelings. I always behave appropriately when in session with him. He would never know I had feelings like this. I act 100% appropriate in sessions. It is just when I am not in them my mind wanders.
I think becoming attracted to a therapist is extremely normal, even if not suffering from sex addiction. I am sure in his studies to become a therapist he learnt about it and knows it happens. I understand not wanting to tell a therapist about things related to them, but that is part of your mental landscape, and you need to share it if you want complete help.
It’s very nice to read you are bonding so well and he seems like a great therapist. That is beyond awesome.
Over time, as your trust grows, go towards more honesty. They say the harder it is to share sth, the more important it is in therapy that you do indeed talk about it.
I am under chronic stress right now. I am in an unhealthy living situation where I can’t enforce boundaries with the people I share a home with. I am constantly feeling uncomfortable feelings and emotions. I experience intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, depression, anxiety. Yeah, I always feel that impulse to escape from present mind.
I do sincerely think he is an attractive man. That part would exist regardless of anything else. The sexual fantasy part… I can totally see my addiction being involved in some way and my desire to escape my current reality. He almost feels like an escape. He is becoming my safe space.
I just wanted to say an official welcome. Although you’ve been a member for over a month, this is the first time you came out with a little bit of your story. I’m glad. We’re only as sick as our secrets.
I can relate to using fantasy as a way of escape from my current reality. And the shame that it’s rooted in.
I’m wishing you all the best and hope you continue to keep us updated on your journey.
I have posted about my addiction before. This isn’t my first time posting about my SA. Just haven’t mentioned my therapist. That is a new development. Thanks for the welcome.
I think I remember that you did mention your SA. I just can’t find many of your previous posts.
30 days is a major milestone. That was a good achievement. And milestones have always been real tricky for me. I don’t quite understand it, but this messed up addict monster inside me wants to flare up big time to sabotage any of my milestone victories.
From what I gather, with SA you’re in it for the long haul. The behaviour is deeply linked with your unconscious wishes and emotions. More, it seems to me sometimes, than with substance addictions.
Continue on your way, continue with therapy and keep learning about yourself and engaging with yourself every damn day. You’ll get better. It just takes time and work.
I’ve heard of this happening quite a bit. I don’t understand sex addiction as much as alcohol, but I do know that there are many out there regardless of affliction that develop “a thing” for their therapist.
Hello, thank you for sharing. I’m with others here. What you’re going thru with your therapist is quite normal. It would be good to share it with him tho, he’s a professional and trained to deal with this sort of stuff, too. At least I hope so, LOL.
Whether or not you bring up sexual issues in therapy is up to you. Only you know when the time is right and you’re comfortable enough. I highly recommend that you would. I was seeing a therapist bc of another major issue in my life and finally decided to bring up my sexual issues too. One of the best decisions of my life. It wasn’t easy because of shame, guilt and feeling “dirty” but it all changed as we started working through them. I’m a heterosexual woman and my therapist was a woman so it made it easy for me to open up. Personally, I wouldn’t have been able to discuss those topics with a male therapist but that’s not a general rule. It all depends on your working relationship, character chemistry, trust levels etc.
I’ve had a number of therapists along the way and I did develope a strong bond (on my side) with the first therapist I was seeing. She was elderly, very sweet and loving but also firm and fierce. I experienced motherly love in our working relationship. I exposed my deepest fears, hurts, shame and guilt to her and wept a lot. I became very attached to her for a number of months. We discussed it and she understood my situation bc at end of the day, it was text book stuff. Still, she was my favourite person in the world at the time, LOL. Our therapeutic relationship ended when she retired a few years ago. We remain friends (we go to the same church in a small town) but I’m over my slight obsession with her.
Just wanted to share a bit of my story to show you you’re not alone.
I have read this is more common than many people think. I wouldn’t feel bad that you have that feeling. Just don’t let it consume you or act out on it. Remember he is your therapist.
As previously stated I ALWAYS behave appropriately when in sessions. So much that I don’t even think he would believe me if I told him; he would be shocked. I don’t give off the impression I am into him. We talk about my trauma- thats it.
How I feel outside of session never impacts how I interact with him while in session. He can trust me to be mature and reasonable just like I have been so far. I have common sense and know right from wrong. I know my feelings are inappropriate. However, I can’t stop myself from feeling the way I do. What matters is how I respond to them. I come here to vent for example. I
I haven’t done anything inappropriate. If he ever opened the door though, I would definitely run inside, lmfao. I still have some healing to do what can I say, lol
I won’t open the door to it though and doubt he will either. So there is nothing to worry about. Fantasy is harmless. I posted because of who I was fantasizing about was unusual.
Actually, based on what everyone has said, what I am experiencing is fairly common. I feel better about it due to all the positive feedback I have received here. Thank you to everyone who has responded. Much love
Thanks! I will.
what can I say, lol