First time poster + your thoughts on lifelong identity

[WeGotThis]

Hi everyone! First off, I think this app is great. I didn’t discover the social side until recently, and that makes it 100x better IMO. I’ve read dozens of posts before deciding to sign up tonight, and they were super insightful.

2 weeks into my journey as of 5 hours ago, and feeling great… my poison of choice was of the variety that they sell in stores and gas stations, but I think anyone who was hooked can agree it is a total b*tch! That’s why we’re here, right?

I do have a question for anyone that cares to share their thoughts… and I’m not trying to get anyone riled up, just looking for honest opinions. I’ve noticed that an overwhelming majority of recovery resources and recovering people seem to mandate that alcoholism becomes part of your identity for the rest of your life. It almost seems as if that is a given, and not open to discussion. 15 years down the road we are expected to be proactively involved in recovery and attending meetings, rather than simply abstaining if we are able. While I agree that we need to recognize the seriousness, and no we absolutely cannot even take a champagne toast at our kid’s wedding in 25 years even if we behave between now and then, why the life sentence? There are former pack-a-day smokers from the 1990s that are 50 and haven’t touched nicotine since the Clinton admin – They are not made to feel they have to talk about it or think about it every day. There are 35 year olds that spent 4 (5.5) years of college rarely below .08… which is considered somewhat acceptable/expected, but let’s call a spade a spade-- former alcoholics. They are not made to feel as if they are neglecting their health or risking their sobriety by not thinking/talking about it every day 10-15 years down the road. Why is it that when you make the wise decision to admit to your vice that it needs to rule your life forever like it truly once did?

Happy to be here and I can’t wait to participate in the more lighthearted shenanigans.

[Dazercat]

Congratulations on your 2 weeks I get what you’re asking. But I think everyone is different and there is no one blue print for staying sober. I know people sober or clean 25 - 30 years and work great jobs family and still go to meetings and help people stay sober all the time. I know some people turned it over to God and don’t really talk about it. As for me personally I’m just trying to take it one day at a time working my own program here with other tools I’ve learned from my favorite addicts. My children. Seems to be working for me.
Good luck in your recovery.
Just for today.

[HoofHearted]

Welcome! I’m sure you’ll get several good responses and most will say “do what you gotta do to stay sober today”, because today is all we need to worry about.

[Dazercat]

Oh and thank God. And God bless those that make addiction or recovery a main goal for the rest of their lives. Without them I probably would not have the wonderful recovered children I have now.
God Bless them. They do such important work that we will never know.

[AAPAPI]

Nobody is saying it has to rule over your life. Stopping drinking is the tip of the iceberg… AA teaches a new way of living. We have to change and be willing to change for us. Im 4 years sober and I get to participate in recovery. I am in service to my homegrown and sponer others. It is not a burden to me. Just keep coming back, get a sponser and actually work the steps and traditions and then decide what is right. They told me when I got here, that I had all the answers I just didn’t know the questions. Take it one day at a time. Dont worry about 15 days from now, let alone 15 years.

[siand]

@AAPAPI

Im 4 years sober and I get to participate in recovery

This is exactly it! I’m coming up on three years and have recently joined Recovery Dharma meetings, as well as this forum (which has been my main recovery network since getting sober).

I posted something the other day about a conversation we had in a group meeting… Where’s the line between recovery stuff and life stuff? Over time the line fades. I have found the recovery community such a warm and wonderful place that it just feels like the right thing to do to stick around a bit longer. Who knows if it will be forever? But for now it’s working for me.

Even though I feel pretty solid in my sobriety I get a lot from it, and I hope I am able to give something back too! I’ve made some wonderful friends and have a good giggle as well as sharing the struggles and successes of recovery/ life.

There are a few folks kicking around here with 10+ years sober - @SinceIAwoke @Ray_M_C_Laren off the top of my head

Edit to add… Welcome to the forum! Great question. Hope you get as much from this community as I have

[CNevarezN]

I can’t have it both ways and I’ve seen these sorts of questions being asked here once in awhile. I have a loving uncle who went sober in the late 90s. Till this day, he hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol because he knows he has a major problem. I can ask him but I know what he’s going to say to me. I know what my aunt and cousins are going to say to me and he never once told me to stop drinking.

He told me a few months back that he was super proud of me for not drinking any more and realizing the Truth. That both my uncle and I can’t just have 1 beer or shot. He snorted as much blow as I did and even smoked crack-cocaine (thank the Lord I never touched that shit).

Smoking Cigs and College is not Alcohol. You don’t get drunk and black out and then proceed to do something utterly foolish when yah puff a bogey. College isn’t a line or bump of Blow. You’re trying to compare something that isn’t even remotely the same. You’re just fooling yourself (no offense). That’s my ¢ 2 on this.

[Ray_M_C_Laren]

I was told at my first meeting its only for today. tomorrow a mystery then today will be your history , keep it in the day its the simplest way .this sept ill be 35 years half my life sober ,wish you well .

[SinceIAwoke]

Opinions and ponderings are some of the benefits of sobriety. They can lead to fruition in other areas of life, for sure.

How I am sober today is by identifying as a recovered alcoholic first. If I don’t treat my alcoholism, the symptoms of distorted thinking and feeling will eventually resolve into physical drunkenness. That’s what I learned from all those years between my first attempt at sobriety and my permanent sobriety.

Abstinence is the treatment for me. How to live contentedly and serenely, dealing with all the human and spiritual business that comes with this life, that’s my challenge. And I find my answer in a well structured program of recovery that I put into practice daily. It works for me - it’s 6 a.m. and I haven’t had a drink yet today! There was a time when that was not true - I’d start drinking by now and have a buzz on by 6:30. I prefer life the way it is today!

Blessings on your house as you begin your journey!

[SassyRocks]

Welcome to the forum and congratulations on your 2 weeks!! My feeling is everyone is on their own journey and what works for one of us, may not for someone else. We are each individuals with unique backgrounds and life experiences. There are many paths to sobriety and many ways to work your recovery. For some people years into sobriety, working recovery is an important / integral part of their journey and process, and that is great for them…for others, not so much, and that is okay too. We each get to choose how we approach our sobriety and recovery based on what works for us. My journey into recovery (after 40+ years of drinking) has not included meetings for any programs, but I did very much stay active in what was helping me…mindfulness, this community, moving my body, quieting my mind, listening deeply to my self…these are all things I continue to do to enhance my life and well being. As I move further away from my drinking life (I am 4 years sober), I have become stronger and more assured in my new life style…there is a peace within me that was sorely lacking during my drinking career.

Do I anticipate being involved in a sober community another 5 or 10 years down the road? Maybe. Giving back/ service to others just feels good. But who knows. Today I am involved in a sober community…here, and that works for me…tho much less involved than I was in early sobriety.

I too quit smoking…12 years ago (after 30+ years) and it is definitely not something that I think about or work on anymore…that version of me is in the past. So for myself, I anticipate that as time continues, the drinking version of me will continue to fade to memory. I do anticipate continuing to grow and nuture my mental physical and emotional health …and for me, that includes not drinking. But meetings and talking about recovery, no, I don’t anticipate that will be part of my routine.

And you didn’t ask about this, but I will share as it helped me immensely in sobriety and in life in general…focus on today, right now. Be present and be sober now, today. Because today is the only day we truly have. The future is not guaranteed to any of us. Enjoy this beautiful day sober, such a gift.

[Matt]

Welcome to Talking Sober!

You raise a good question. The core of it is about it how addiction is a way to escape / evade / silence / bury our sober selves and our sober lives. Most people who get into addiction stumble into it by accident - we don’t intend to get there - because it numbs us and gives us an “out” from something we don’t want to face. (This could be emotional, relational, sense of self-concept, trauma, etc etc. The point is that at some point we decided to escape.)

Sobriety is about holding oneself accountable to non-escape living. Being present without planning that next drink. Not obsessing (or regretting) over something that is, literally, poison in a glass.

Escape takes a lot of forms. The most obvious one for addicts is getting totally hammered. Less obvious, but equally important, is the emotional “escape” of asking what if this, it could be that, and what about these other people here?

We all have that voice. It’s the voice that takes us years into the past or the future, narrating situations that might have happened, or could happen. It’s the addict voice. It wants us to be anywhere but present, here, now.

This is where the phrase “one day at a time” is important. It doesn’t matter what might happen in 25 years. What matters is where you are now, today. What matters is being present for yourself and your loved ones, sober, today.

One day at a time.

I wouldn’t worry about others’ sober paths. Many addiction recovery programs have been in place since long before you or I were born. They will be around long after we die. It’s not necessary for us to change them, and anyway, if they work, they work - and they do work - so let them be.

What is much more interesting and fulfilling is you: who are you, sober? What are your interests? What are your hobbies? Whose life (including your own) will you impact, and how? Those questions are much more satisfying than the dry bureaucratic discussion of recovery theory

Take care and always remember: you’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.

[BryanC]

If it’s a “vice,” you can just stop doing it because you have the power to make that choice, and you don’t have to think about it ever again. But if you’re an alcoholic – powerless over alcohol and your life unmanageable – you may come to prefer a life in recovery.

[Tomek]

@WeGotThis

alcoholism becomes part of your identity for the rest of your life

As for me, sobriety is starting to become slowly part of my identity, and it’s more than not drinking. I know that I’m an addict and I can’t handle and moderate certain things and I will have to be aware of it probably for the rest of my life. It’s a life sentence in a sense as ‘being yourself’ is a life sentence. You can find peace in it. Sobriety can be hard, but not bad. Being yourself can be hard, but not bad.

[Nordique]

@Tomek

As for me, sobriety is starting to become slowly part of my identity, and it’s more than not drinking.

Reading through this thread from the first post, I was planning on saying this exact same thing. You took the words right out of my mouth!

[AAPAPI]

Thank you my friend for removing stones from the path so that we who follow dont have to stumble as much

[Ray_M_C_Laren]

Your welcome the bridge can be crossed

[TriumphSTsprint]

I think in the early days you need to remind yourself of what you are but for me, personally, when you get past the drinking thinking and are habitually sober then your just a non drinker rather than an alcoholic. Some people never kick that need or desire to quit and they’ve always got to be on guard against it and it’s for those type of people that regular AA membership and activity is best for. I quit smoking ten years ago I don’t consider myself a nicotine addict still as I’m not in the habit anymore.

When it becomes no longer useful let go of it. Don’t hold on to a persona for longer than you need to.

[siand]

@Mephistopheles

share my ESH

I am sure it will be obvious when I hear it, but ESH?